Introduction: How to Build a Nuclear Bomb... (This Is Not Real, Only Ment for Laughs and If You Seriously Want to Build One... I Pity You)

Picture of How to Build a Nuclear Bomb... (This Is Not Real, Only Ment for Laughs and If You Seriously Want to Build One...  I Pity You)

This is just for laughs... The opinions expressed here are the opinions of the individual and not of paramount pictures... If you are offended in any way by the statements said here within this instructable, then don't read it, don't complain and please don't send it to others to read, get offended and then complain. Oh and i'll eventually post a real instructable, I have plenty of great ideas but in the mean time enjoy my humor...

Step 1: Protection Is a Must...

Picture of Protection Is a Must...

First step, buy a lead cup. Sure it may slowly poison you but least the impotence won't be from the radiation poisoning...

Step 2: Finding the Right Materials...

Picture of Finding the Right Materials...

Build a rocket out of some old washing machines and melt down a few of those metal nuts and bolts aliens/predators for a shiny new coating...

Step 3: Procuring the Element...

Picture of Procuring the Element...

Try to get hold of some Uranium 238 only to be looked at funny then laughed out of every science lab from here to Guantanamo bay...

Step 4: Always Be Prepared...

Picture of Always Be Prepared...

Get a can of surplus baked beans from the army, then place in the middle of rocket and ignite the rocket... oh no! I forgot to tell you how to actually construct the internal combustion engine for the rocket...

Step 5: Propulsion of a Different Kind...

Picture of Propulsion of a Different Kind...

Spend way too much money and time researching how to build a rocket engine after eating the heated can of baked beans...

Step 6: To Sleep the Enternal Sleep...

Picture of To Sleep the Enternal Sleep...

Die of lead poisoning from not from the cup you are wearing but the army surplus baked beans from 1957...

Step 7: Take Up Another Hobby...

Picture of Take Up Another Hobby...

Learn that if you don't die from the radiation of the Uranium you need to make a nuclear bomb, then your diet and/or apparel will undoubtedly do you in... SO DON'T BUILD A NUCLEAR BOMB... Go and burn some ants with a magnifying glass or something...


Nuclaphile (author)2015-07-01

You need uranium 235 to make a nuclear weapon and if you really want to make a nuclear weapon just compres to masses of uranium 235 for long enough to reach supercritical mass you can achieve this by doing many things like the gun method used by the hiroshima bomb which uses a long metel tube with a basic explosibe at the end of.the barrel shortly followed by some uranium 235 then at the end of the barrel there is some more uranium 235 and then another method is where you form a sphere of shaped charges that will make a perfect shockwave to hold the uraniuk 235 that forms the next part of the bomb also spherical and then the next part is comprised of a device that will release neutron radiation the later of these methods is the best way as the first method can result in what is called a fizle these are atom bomb methods but the most powerfull of the nuclear bombs would be a fusion bomb

Bob.Burandt (author)2011-06-21

Here is how to build, or assemble, a real atomic bomb.  Go visit a US Army recruiter and tell him or her that you want to work with nuclear weapons.  They can help you.

electric_piano_5k (author)2011-04-12

The science labs will laugh because you need Uranium 235 to make a bomb! And that you definitely can't buy on ebay.

onepiece94 (author)2011-04-01

dude.... you have a great ironic random f*&^%$ up (maybe) sense of humor in some kind of way......just like funny.....

smg (author)2011-01-03

hey if you want to make a nuclear bomb you should get weapons grade uranium 70%/ 88%/ 90% is just fine. you should make ball with it, i think there is 14kg of nuclear material. and put the explosives covering the ball and to detonate the uranium you nedd C4 or dynamite and blasting caps to detonate the primary charge the explosive. i advice dynamite because the explosion radius is circular instead c4 because the explosin force goes up.

antoman11 (author)2011-01-03

sorry not very funny or instructional in any way.

h2hummers (author)2009-05-05

wow you said "only ment for laughs" i didnt laugh once. i didnt even expect to laugh maybe a slight chuckle. but no.

bpfh (author)h2hummers2011-01-02

I'm afraid that I have to agree. Except for the lead poisoned jockstrap :)

There is so much information about nuclear weaponry, true and false out of there, you have so many texts and diverse bits of data that you could compile with a humorous tone even filling in with fake data and other quips along the the lines of the jockstrap and you could have a grade-A funny-ible.

Keep trying. What does not kill you makes you stronger!

ferraricrash (author)2009-11-12

really dude you need to find some better hobbys my 2 year old bro could photo shop something way better AND HE CANT EVEN TALK!!!!!!!

I'f I were you I wouldn't be boasting that your brother can't talk yet he can use photo shop...


buffalobillshater411 (author)2010-11-09

CCM-137 will work

Marshal Banana (author)2010-08-22

The tail is a bike chain, arms are screws and crowbar, legs are spark plugs. It looks like most of the detail is made of small screws. Looks like a nice weekend welding project.

Arano (author)2010-03-21

why is there no part describing how to build the a-bomb? they are not that hard to make... (and not really more complex then regular bombs)

35Timmy (author)2010-01-05

since i am a creative guy and consturctive guy try

CyberHULK (author)2009-12-10

 Ok, I already put up the disclosure saying not to comment if it isn't going to be positive. "I didn't even laugh once" well get that stick removed by a doctor and try again. Useful comments only people and while "You rock" and "OMG So funny" aren't the most useful of comments, I'll still accept them as they are positive.

szechuan53 (author)2008-08-01

devilwyrm is right. i am 14 and have radioactive material, a rock formed from nuke testing in white sands desert, ironically. get it 'here.'

dude awesome I have to get one

killer towels (author)szechuan532008-08-09

here its the easiest way to get radioactive material. AM 241

szechuan53 (author)killer towels2008-08-18

yep. i have been collecting it in a lead jar i made.

dla888 (author)szechuan532009-08-19

Do yourselves a favor and stop collecting your radioactive junk. Ask yourself: "What am I going to do with Americicium?"

szechuan53 (author)dla8882009-08-19

eat it.

dla888 (author)szechuan532009-08-19

I've heard it tastes like vegetable oil.

szechuan53 (author)dla8882009-08-25

No, it tastes like burning.

DrWeird117 (author)szechuan532008-08-01

thats where i got mine!

szechuan53 (author)DrWeird1172008-08-02

atta boy. maybe they'de pay us if we advertised for them! btw, what else have you got from there? the 3 best things i've gotten so far are nichrome wire, trinitite, and sodium metal. (best birthday EVER! i also got a pooter, an amazing fart toy)

DrWeird117 (author)szechuan532008-08-03

i have some type of radioactive rock forget what its called, but i used it as a replacement car fuse, and as a car "reanimator", after it broke down one night.

szechuan53 (author)DrWeird1172008-08-05

hmm... where did you find it? just a warning, it could be sending off rock dust or radon gas, which could get into your AC, which could lead to an abnormally high level of radon in your car's atmosphere, which could lead to little peices of polonium, uranium, etc. in your lungs. also i finally melted down some thorium and made airgun pellets. also a mixture of 24% indium and 76% gallium will make an alloy that is liquid at room temeperature, and my favorite cheese is parmesean, and this comment is getting ridiculous.

DrWeird117 (author)szechuan532008-08-20

Oh, that's nice. Great. Say is it normal for me to glow in the dark? Jk

szechuan53 (author)DrWeird1172008-08-23

depends. are you a boy, girl, or bioluminescent mushroom?

DrWeird117 (author)szechuan532008-08-23

Mushroom. Russian glowcap to be exact....

szechuan53 (author)DrWeird1172008-08-26

oh, yum. good with smoked salmon and caviar.

knoxarama (author)szechuan532008-08-07

i get radiactive metal from clocks

szechuan53 (author)knoxarama2008-08-07

you mean from luminescent watch/clock hands? they used to use radium or promethium chloride. also some use cesium-137 to keep the time. you can also get americium oxide from smoke detectors. I almost have 25 milligrams now.

Abbath (author)2009-08-22

Dude I can buy this from a website on the internet, and it IS real, they sell all kinds of nuclear stuff, also lots and lots of uranium.

Abbath (author)Abbath2009-08-22

nah dude, i can buy this like i said in my other comment i left on here.

dla888 (author)2009-08-19

The cup must be lined with rubber.

The Red Button (author)2009-06-04

you need U-235 not 238...just saying. science project i would know

dla888 (author)The Red Button2009-08-19

Isn't U-238 enriched 235?

seandogue (author)2009-08-13

Lol..."to guantanamo bay"...yuppers exactly where the road would stop

Arduino Guy (author)2009-08-01

u would not be writing this if u ate it. trust me i work with it.

Arduino Guy (author)2009-08-01

u got the uranium pic from "images scientific instruments" site

D3V1LSN3V3RCRY (author)2009-07-21

forget making the freakin bomb, how do i make one of those? lol

knoxarama (author)2008-08-07

i want to eat it

Dee99 (author)knoxarama2009-06-07

I have eaten it, it tastes like chicken

knoxarama (author)Dee992009-06-08

wow. chicken doesn't even taste like chicken.

szechuan53 (author)knoxarama2009-07-04

dude... that is deep

Prof I.tiki (author)2009-05-16

dude you seriously wasted my time :-|

kicker109 (author)2009-05-14

lol, I know how to make a real atomic bomb that can level a fir section of the city

example555 (author)2009-01-27

That was pretty funny :):):):):):)

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