How to Cheat a Polygraph Test

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Introduction: How to Cheat a Polygraph Test

About: Can I just point out that I am VERY EMBARRASSED by my account name which I got A Long Time Ago when I was an Apple fanboy. I don't really want to change it because all the decent account names are taken and ...

Have you ever been in that tricky situation any spy must face? You know how it goes (you mean you don't?); caught as the impostor you are, sitting in a darkened room with a huge armed guard by your side, wired up to a polygraph. These ingenious machines monitor various aspects of your condition, such as skin resistance (sweat), blood pressure and heart rate. Their reliability is widely disputed, with some people claiming they are accurate 95% of the time, whilst others report a mere 60% (see wiki article for more info. However, there is now A WAY OUT OF THESE SITUATIONS! *. With this instructable you will find out how to beat the machines for sure and get back to the CIA/FBI/MI6 etc. in no time!!

*This is not necessarily true

Step 1: BUM CLENCHING!! (yes, I Meant to Write That)

For this method, I borrow a technique the Russians told their agents in the KGB. Clenching your Anal Sphinctre is a surefire way of ensuring every question is seen as a lie! It increases perspiration and heart rate, and will help to defeat the enemy!* Beware though, it is rumoured that many interrogators now use pressure sensitive seat pads, and you'll be in a jail in no time!!

Step 2: Pain, PAIN, PAIN!!!!!

Thats right folks!! Causing yourself pain will trick those Polygraph operators so hard they wont know which way is up*. Any method is good, but some of my favourites include:

A tack in your shoe
Biting your tongue
Twisting your finger
Cutting yourself accidentally before the interrogation

Be imaginative!!

Step 3: Be Vague

If you answer the questions vaguely (or not at all), they can't be definitive about their verdict. Relax completely, and try not to think or care about your answers. It's as simple as that.

Step 4: DONT LISTEN TO THEM!!

If the polygraph operators tell you they know you're lying, or try to put you at ease, or in fact say anything at all, then don't listen to them. They will be trying to trick you, and they are NOT on your side!

Step 5: Don't Listen to Me

Incidentally, a Polygraph test is not hard evidence in court so you have just wasted your time reading this article!! MUAHAHAHAHA! MUAHAHAHAMUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

Step 6: Bye Bye!

These are all the tips I have to offer on beating a polygraph test!
My sources for this instructable were...

WIkipedia
[http://www.wikihow.com/Cheat-a-Polygraph-Test-(Lie-Detector) Wikihow]
Mythbusters (discovery TV)

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    Tips

    Questions

    38 Comments

    1. Regulate your breathing. Use a mantra. Mine is (while breathing in) God make me strong....(while breathing out) that I may do thy will. Make your breathing a little ragged after control questions

    2. Visualize balloons floating away. Brushing a horse. Ocean waves, etc.

    3. Pucker your bunghole on the control questions

    4. Practice these techniques before the test.

    It worked for me. I don't think I am a sociopath.

    ld.jpg

    I have a child that will lie about anything and everything, I am worried that he has done stuff that is very wrong for him and the family. id there anything that I could buy or do to prove that he is telling me the truth or if he is still lieing to me

    1 reply

    search lie and i 'll come up with ways to tell someone is  lying





                                         sorry about your kid

    W  T  F   ;<{}

    constapation suxx, dis monkey is demonstrating dat too

    LOL! I LOVED this one! Its toooo funny! Great job! A+

    lie detectors are Pseudo science and anyone claiming to be in law enforcement and supporting lie detectors is a liar or a dummy or both ,,this is just modernized middle ages BS!!!!!! look at the almost if not actual criminal types that get  2 to 3weeks traing to be a "lie detector techs or whatever they  call them---LOL<<<LOL>>>  LOL

    There is another way to beat a lie detector test: 1.) Remember that the test and the tester are frauds. 2.) The first part of this fraud is that the tester will try to convince you that the machine actually works. Do not believe it. 3.) To make you believe that the machine really works the tester will have you cut a deck of cards and try to tell you what card you cut to. This is part of the fraud. 4.) The deck is what a magician calls a 'shaved deck'. Half the cards are short and wide and 26 cards of a single value, the other 26 cards are long and narrow and have an assortment of values. 5.) The operator will handle the deck so that he can show you a variety of cards. Then he will put the deck in front of you and ask you to cut to a card so that he can prove to you that the machine works. 6.) He expects that you will pick up the deck so that you get one of the 26 duplicate cards. 7.) Instead pick up the deck, fan it and say, 'This is a very interesting deck of cards. It has a whole bunch of ____s in it. I've never seen a deck of cards like this before. I think I'll keep it to show to your boss. After all if this machine of yours actually worked you wouldn't need this trick deck of cards to make people think it works.' Put the deck of cards in your pocket. 8.) Announce that you will have nothing to do with any person who resorts to cheap tricks like crooked cards. Walk out on the exam. Denounce the examiner loudly and widely to anyone and everyone as a cheap fraud. If your boss made you take the test publicly ask him how could he be so gullable as to be taken in by such a con artist. If it was a cop that made you take the test, denounce the examiner in the press and tell how he used a cheap card trick to make his machine seem to work, then ask how can the cops be so dumb as to be taken in by such an obvious charlatain.

    What happened? I have no manners.

    Oh, one more thing, a true polygraph measures skin resistance, pulse, upper breathing and lower breathing. maybe even blood pressure.

    5 replies

    Yes, even blood pressure. There is no way to cheat the polygraph test. You're a moron if you think you can.

    lupinesoul, I sent an answer once to your post, but I must have done something wrong as I do not see my post, so if you get it twice, that is the reason. You seem to be a doctor or law enforcement and normally I would not disagree with your statement. However in certain cases other than a pschoypath, the polygraph can be beaten. As a LEO, we were given an assignment to do just that. That gave the operator some of our true personal information and a secenero, some real, some false. They made a form for the operator by asking us some questions, but they did not look in our personal files, they just ask us questions. We the writer asked me my full name, I said it is ****** Leo **** as he did not know my middle name which is Lee. So when the operator asked me if my name was ****** Leo **** I said yes, that started a pattern as you seem to know. from that point on my lies appeared to be truths, and although my vitals dropped when I told the truth, the operator saw it as me trying to be deceptive. Of course I was, but not in the direction he thought. I also believe that you know that a polygraph is only as good as it's operator and also the operator's state of mind. If he starts with the idea you are going to lie, he might find that so even when you tell the truth. We have seen that happen, so being a moron trying to beat a polygraph isn't fully accurate. Not an argument,just experience.

    No, I'm not a doctor or law enforcement, but I'm flattered(unless you're just being sarcastic). xD But if you've had actual experiences with it your opinion weighs pretty heavily (though not too much as I cannot confirm it; you understand). Still, I see no reason these wonderful law-abiding citizens should need this knowledge; That's my underlying point. :D

    I don't know about that,I cheated one once I just pretended they asked "have you ever stole a lolipop?" ps- have you? have you?!?

    No, I haven't. I haven't needed to. However, it's proven that given a decent polygraph operator, it is impossible to cheat a polygraph test.

    or you can tell yourself the lie is true so much that you think it is (this works for me as long as I don't think about how i am doing it to trick the pollygraph)