Introduction: How to Disconnect From a Stalker Ex

Picture of How to Disconnect From a Stalker Ex

When an Ex won't stop trying to connect with you online you need a checklist to quickly wall off unwanted contact. This is a checklist to follow. I couldn't find one when I needed it, so I hope it will help others.

Step 1: Get Safe

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Make sure you are safe from physical or verbal confrontation. Get somewhere safe. A teacher's or coach's office, a trusted friend's place, your home. Do not isolate yourself. Tell someone you need support. Make sure your friends have your back and know you are needing their support.

If you are ready to cut off communication (see Step 5) be sure that you have a secure WiFi (not the free Starbucks WiFi.) Others nearby can read what you're typing on a shared WiFi, or take your information.

http://www.usatoday.com/story/tech/2013/07/01/free...

So get safe. Go somewhere that is physically, emotionally, and Internet-ically safe. This may take you a little time to do, but it will wall off most efforts by a Stalker Ex. Come on, you can do this.

Step 2: Get It Clear in Your Own Mind, Cyberstalking Is a Crime.

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Someone who is constantly trying to connect to you online after you have told them to stop is cyberstalking.

This isn't an accident or misunderstood. It's not a sign of true love. It's a sickness. Check out the National Domestic Violence Hotline description of the Warning Signs and Red Flags of Abuse, www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse/abuse-defined/

Educate yourself about the psychology of cyberstalkers:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sex-lies-trau...

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/insight-is-20...

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/talking-about...

Step 3: Save All Old Correspondence. Send the Last Note

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It can be kind of embarrassing. But you need to save all of the old communications. Save all texts, e-mails, screenshots, receipts, missed calls lists, voicemails, letters, everything. Write down everything, keep a log. Save everything onto a thumbdrive, put it somewhere secure.

Send the last note. Don't worry about being mean. Use your own words to say

"This is the last time I'm communicating with you. We are done. Do not contact me again. No response is necessary and none will be read."

Step 4: Cut Off All Communication.

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It's tough to stop the old habit of connecting to someone who was close to you. To stop responding. But if they have shown you that they won't listen to your request to be left alone then you have to cut them off. Stay strong. Cut them off. That means 100 percent. The psychology of the Stalker Ex lives for a response. (See articles in STEP 2.) Experts say that the best chance to get away from a Stalker Ex is to cut off all communication.

No arguing. Even if you are right.

You don't owe an explanation.

Don't engage. Don't punish. Don't walk past the spot where the ex hangs out with friends. Don't send a pic of what s/he's missing. Just cut it off, and stay cut off.

Ask mutual friends for support.

Now get ready for The Shut Down.

Step 5: the Shut Down

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This is a lot of information, so go through it step by step.

1) FIRST Check your devices for spyware. It is more common than you think. See how to detect if you are being monitored at http://acisni.com/is-there-spy-software-on-my-cel...

2) SECOND You can remove spyware easily. see the guide at http://acisni.com/how-to-remove-cell-phone-spy-so...

3) THIRD Run an anti-malware program on your computer. PC Magazine recommends these free programs

http://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,2817,2388652,00.as...

There are spyware programs that count your keystrokes and can tell what you're typing, so do this before you change your passwords. Once you know your phone, tablet and computers are clean,

4) FOURTH Change all PASSWORDS TO YOUR PHONE, TABLET, COMPUTERS. Remember to choose passwords that include a number and a symbol, and uppercase and lowercase letters. Don't choose a password with information the Ex knows.

5) FACEBOOK If you have a Facebook account, Unfriend on Facebook. Then block the ex. Some people un-tag old photos, or delete them. But just blocking the Ex won't prevent them from creating a new account and contacting you. Change your Privacy Settings so only approved friends can see your posts. In an extreme case, invite your trusted friends to a new account. Shut down your old account, and start a new one with a different name and the tightest Privacy Settings.

If the Ex is using Facebook to create false accounts or otherwise violating the Terms of Service, go to www.facebook. com/help/community/question/?id=102... and click on the "Report Something" button. Check the Related Questions and Related FAQs for other issues.

6) E-MAIL Block the Ex's e-mail on your e-mail provider's site. If they continue, notify the provider. Turn off location services (GPS). Remove your e-mail from social media sites.

7) SOCIAL MEDIA APPS Go to each of your apps. Change the password. Turn off Location Service (GPS) if they have it (such as Yelp.) Don't use the "Checking In" button on Facebook.

Here is a checklist of common apps:

Instagram

SnapChat

Kik

YikYak

Twitter

Tumblr

Skype

FaceTime

YouTube

G+Chats

Netflix

Square

VenMo

Yelp

WeChat

TeamSnap

Shutterfly

Dropbox

Step 6: Clean Up Your Phone

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Contact your phone service provider. Verizon Sprint and AT&T have blocking services. Some services charge $5 for 90 days of blocking. If you are a student and this is hard for you to pay ask customer service for a waiver (in writing) and explain you have a Stalker Ex.

Change your password regularly.

Screen your calls. Don't answer a call, text or SMS from a number you don't know.

Step 7: MONEY

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Shut down any access to money or accounts that Stalker Ex knew about, or that you shared. After you clean your devices (see STEP 5) get to a trusted WiFi in a safe place (See STEP 1) and change the passwords for:

Uber accounts

ATM

Netflix

Amazon

Square

Venmo

School lunch accounts

Or any other account Stalker Ex and you shared or knew about together.

If you are aware of any of Stalker X's accounts, delete any info from your phone. If you are worried you can tell a trusted adult what you know, and ask them to contact the company and request that that account have its password reset, so no one can accuse you of using it.

Step 8: Police

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If you tell Stalker Ex to stop, follow the steps to wall off Stalker Ex and Ex continues sending letters, texts, messages and unwanted contacts the last step is the Police. If you are a minor you may need help from a trusted adult to file a complaint for harassment. A court can issue a Restraining Order. But that can take some time. Many school counselors will want to avoid choosing sides and will try to say it's a he said/she said. Stalkers are manipulators. Make sure you have followed STEP 3, and kept all of the copies of texts, e-mails, SMS, screenshots of calls texts and voicemails, any evidence of your request to be left alone and Ex's continued contacts.

Step 9: Be Kind to Yourself

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According to Psychology Today cyberstalking is the fastest growing crime
(See STEP 2 readings.) You might feel strange speaking out about it. I know I did. Thats why I wrote this Instructable. I hope it is a useful tool. It may take a while to feel normal after you've been through a Stalker Ex. It's OK. Talk to some one. Ask for help. Take control of your digital life and help others do the same. Stay strong.

Comments

GroW (author)2016-02-29

This is a useful and well-written instructable. I'm really sorry you had to go through something hard to earn this expertise, but it's admirable that you turned it into a resource for others.

mgcawley (author)2016-02-27

Very good advice. And if it hasn't already been mentioned, most smart phones have free apps you can download to block calls. And...probably most important of all, resist the urge to say or do anything out of hurt or resentment you experienced in the former relation. I'm not saying that you have to be all nice, or let them down slowly...to the contrary. What I'm saying is that there is absolutely no reason to fan the fire and make it worse.

pdorf2827 (author)2016-02-26

This is GR8!!!!! thank you for sharing

NTT (author)2016-02-25

Brilliant Instructable! Thank you for sharing.

Ashhari Lokuge (author)2016-02-25

This is a great checklist! Thanks for this Instructable; I'm sure most of us will need it at some point in life, what with the possessiveness some (wrongly) associate with love/lust :)

KrazyK4 (author)2016-02-24

Thank you so much!! This will help.

BeachsideHank (author)2016-02-24

And don't forget, revenge is going to likely happen in that scenario of hurt feelings too, and it's most insidious form is:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Revenge_porn

tomatoskins (author)2016-02-24

You have a lot of great information here! Thanks for sharing!

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