How to Eat a Bag of Chips in a Civilized Fashion.

No really. You don't want a bowl (dishes!) you don't want to dump them out, you don't want to crunch and crumble and dig, and make mylar noises (gauche!)

And you wish to be civilized.

Your journey starts now.

Step 1: Open the Bag.

I know this is obvious obviousness, but you have acquired a bag of chips, or other mythical snacks from the grocery store vending machine or the unicorn repair shop.

NOW you would like to consume the tasty snacks, so thusly you must open the bag and free the deliciousness from its mylar prison.

The commonly chosen methodology is to pinch the seam on the back of the bag, and the frontspiece similarly and gently but firmly pull the plastic apart. This will open the bag easily and prepare you for step 2.

Step 2: Identification and Controlled Opening.

That sounds a bit like sex... but I swear this is easier.

Locate the corner of the bag that you had pulled apart. the corner piece will be weak, and easy to tear. (it like if you want to rip a T-shirt off of a chippendale -- you generally need a starter cut to tear the shirt without mussing your hair or breaking an un-sexy sweat.)

At that corner, use both hands to pinch the mylar -- one pinch on each side of the corner. And in a "tearing motion" use the weak point to start the opening - taking it in the direction of the front of the bag.

Grace is paramount!

Step 3: Tear in an Arch...

...Which has nothing to do with crying under the Arc de Triomphe or something.

While tearing -- which will be more of a "glide" as mylar splits easily -- you will giude the tear into an arch that will go about 1/2 way down the bag, and then up to the other weak corner.

This motion should be smooth, for additional levels of classiness.

Step 4: The Completion of the Tear.

When you reach the opposite corner gracefully. You will simply remove (by means of tearing) the crecent moon shaped piece of mylar and dispose of it in a way according to your means and morals.

I highly suggest wiping off the mylar, removing the seam with a scissors (or another deft tear) and wrapping it tightly around a pencil or marker from the office shiny side out, creating a 2.5-3" extension to the pen, and securing it with a piece of scotch tape, and then making several narrow vertical slits in the tube, and crumbling up the fringes to make your very own pon-pom/faux silver spider plant/magic wand writing implement. But that is just a suggestion.

Step 5: Serve and Eat the Snacks.

Yes yes. Mangia. Be sure to hold your pinky finger up, and choose the best-formed chip first as you will now have a non-crinkly, "in its own plate" method for serving and eating snack foods. Perfect for grad student potlucks and other events where a touch of handy decorum is required but not fancy silverware.

(a shallower arch will allow for leftovers and folding and clipping for storage, if you were to procure a *large* bag of snacks, and you were inclined to take the remaining chips home to your current paramour.

Enjoy.