How to Freeload Off a Dead Guy (Comedy Instructable!)


Introduction: How to Freeload Off a Dead Guy (Comedy Instructable!)

About: Professional magician, COO of Gray Water Ops, Media Consultant for eight Delmarva Broadcasting Company radio stations, dad and husband.

If you don't see the video above, click this link to go directly to the video

This is a little instructable I made just to make you laugh. Obviously if you find a dead body you should call the police not take stuff from him!

Step 1: Find a Dead Guy

Let's say you're walking down the street and you find a dead guy. Don't go calling the police just yet! That dead guy could be a financial jackpot!

Step 2: Make Sure He's Dead

Find a stick, and poke the dead guy to make sure he's dead.

Step 3: If You're Lucky, He May Have Food on Him

If the dead guy has any food on him, take it and have lunch!

Step 4: Check His Pockets

Feel his pockets and remove his wallet

Step 5: Take His Cash

Remove all the cash from his wallet

Step 6: Leave the Credit Cards

Don't take the credit cards. That would be credit card fraud and you don't need THAT on your record!

Step 7: Roll the Dead Guy Over

Using both hands, roll the dead guy over so you can check his front pockets

Step 8: Check All of His Front Pockets

After you have him rolled over, check his front pockets and take whatever he has on him

Step 9: Take His Car Keys

If you find a set of car keys, you just pimped yourself a new ride!

Step 10: Don't Forget the Shoes!

Are his feet about your size? If the shoes are nicer than the ones you have on... grab 'em!

Step 11: Take His Jacket

Is his jacket in better shape than yours? Merry Christmas!

Step 12: Find the Dead Guys Car

Chances are he's not too far from his car. Hold his key fob up and press the alarm button to locate which vehicle is his.

Step 13: Leave a Note

Don't forget to leave a note on the body, that makes it look like the dead guy gave you his stuff and car for $1.00. Write something like this:
"I, Dead Guy give you my stuff and car for $1.00 signed, Dead guy"

Step 14: Put the Note and Dollar in His Pocket

Put the note and one dollar back in his pocket so the police find it

Step 15: Call the Ploice

Remember to call the police and leave an anonymous tip, to report the dead guy, so they can collect the body!

Step 16: Behind the Scenes Photos

If you enjoyed my instructable (which was done strictly for entertainment purposes only) you can view behind the scenes photos from the video shoot at Swamp Studio




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    Funny, I love it. one question... how safe is half eaten food in the hand of a dead guy with no obvious cause of death?

    Then later die of whatever in the food killed him

    Taking the jacket may be a little hard once rigor mortis has set in though :)

    9 replies

    Especially if you just run him down, get out of your car, THEN take all his stuff, drive his own car up to his dead body, drive away in your own, and he would have some how ran himself over. No one would suspect you of anything.

    Wait a second.... KILLING the guy is a totally different thing and NOT covered by this instructable (lol)

    Note to self: Get working on killing people instructable

    Make sure its lejit by putting an arduino in there.

    and a knex gun.


    park him and the car on a hill so it looks like he forgot his emergency brake

    and most dead people foul their pants when they die

    The first step is easier if you make a dead guy first.

    1 reply

    Yup, worked great for me.

    right the police would thin you did it

    Dusting for prints would be tricky. Plus nature would soon do away with most of your prints. Trust me.. mwahahaaa