Introduction: How to Freeload Off a Dead Guy (Comedy Instructable!)



If you don't see the video above, click this link to go directly to the video

This is a little instructable I made just to make you laugh. Obviously if you find a dead body you should call the police not take stuff from him!

Step 1: Find a Dead Guy

Let's say you're walking down the street and you find a dead guy. Don't go calling the police just yet! That dead guy could be a financial jackpot!

Step 2: Make Sure He's Dead

Find a stick, and poke the dead guy to make sure he's dead.

Step 3: If You're Lucky, He May Have Food on Him

If the dead guy has any food on him, take it and have lunch!

Step 4: Check His Pockets

Feel his pockets and remove his wallet

Step 5: Take His Cash

Remove all the cash from his wallet

Step 6: Leave the Credit Cards

Don't take the credit cards. That would be credit card fraud and you don't need THAT on your record!

Step 7: Roll the Dead Guy Over

Using both hands, roll the dead guy over so you can check his front pockets

Step 8: Check All of His Front Pockets

After you have him rolled over, check his front pockets and take whatever he has on him

Step 9: Take His Car Keys

If you find a set of car keys, you just pimped yourself a new ride!

Step 10: Don't Forget the Shoes!

Are his feet about your size? If the shoes are nicer than the ones you have on... grab 'em!

Step 11: Take His Jacket

Is his jacket in better shape than yours? Merry Christmas!

Step 12: Find the Dead Guys Car

Chances are he's not too far from his car. Hold his key fob up and press the alarm button to locate which vehicle is his.

Step 13: Leave a Note

Don't forget to leave a note on the body, that makes it look like the dead guy gave you his stuff and car for $1.00. Write something like this:
"I, Dead Guy give you my stuff and car for $1.00 signed, Dead guy"

Step 14: Put the Note and Dollar in His Pocket

Put the note and one dollar back in his pocket so the police find it

Step 15: Call the Ploice

Remember to call the police and leave an anonymous tip, to report the dead guy, so they can collect the body!

Step 16: Behind the Scenes Photos

If you enjoyed my instructable (which was done strictly for entertainment purposes only) you can view behind the scenes photos from the video shoot at Swamp Studio

Thanks
Keith

Comments

author
42nickd (author)2008-05-08

Funny, I love it. one question... how safe is half eaten food in the hand of a dead guy with no obvious cause of death?

author
thehbird (author)2014-02-03

Then later die of whatever in the food killed him

author
ve2vfd (author)2008-01-14

Taking the jacket may be a little hard once rigor mortis has set in though :)

author

Yea, I don't think he was dead very long lol

author

Especially if you just run him down, get out of your car, THEN take all his stuff, drive his own car up to his dead body, drive away in your own, and he would have some how ran himself over. No one would suspect you of anything.

author

Wait a second.... KILLING the guy is a totally different thing and NOT covered by this instructable (lol)

author

Note to self: Get working on killing people instructable

author

Make sure its lejit by putting an arduino in there.

author
ilpug (author)octopuscabbage2011-11-08

and a knex gun.

author
cd41 (author)lifelong-newbie2009-01-05

park him and the car on a hill so it looks like he forgot his emergency brake

author

nothing at all

author
lukeyj15 (author)ve2vfd2009-04-05

and most dead people foul their pants when they die

author
bowmaster (author)2009-04-07

The first step is easier if you make a dead guy first.

author
ilpug (author)bowmaster2011-11-08

Yup, worked great for me.

author
lukeyj15 (author)2009-04-05

your prints would be all over the body

author
nisoe (author)lukeyj152011-08-05

right the police would thin you did it

author
DJ Radio (author)lukeyj152009-11-03

Gloves??

author
lifelong-newbie (author)lukeyj152009-04-05

Dusting for prints would be tricky. Plus nature would soon do away with most of your prints. Trust me.. mwahahaaa

author
GreenDay (author)2008-01-14

Sick. I hope I find a body soon.

author

Oh they're lying around everywhere LOL

author

'bout 11 in my room

author
joewall1 (author)GreenDay2009-03-27

I would to

author
The nerdling (author)2011-05-31

pmpl

author
chicopluma (author)2011-04-10

but if the dead guy has his tongue green, the food is probably not a good idea hahaha

author
CyclonicNinja (author)2011-03-24

Funny Instuctable hersheyMagic! and your names keith, mine too! its interesting how there seems to be a lack of Keiths, espiacally in Australia.

author
your dog (author)2010-11-22

Ahhh! you forgot the belt!

author
trstn (author)2009-06-28

I'd recommend against using your own cellphone to call the police, easily trackable. Better to opt for a payphone.

author
kathmonkey (author)2009-06-16

Yes, true love is the greatest thing in the world, but that's not what he said! He distinctly said "To Blave", and as we all know, to blave means to bluff! So someone was playing cards, and he cheated!

author
Shinta786 (author)2009-03-27

to b honest. this is not a comedy, it happens in real life too ppl really get robbed when dead, asleep on a train or street, drunk, ... We must create a great nation, all that start with yourself! Behave....and be good

author
HammyHavoc (author)2008-04-24

Nice make up.

author

Thanks :o) Keith

author
cd41 (author)2009-01-05

then go to taco bell with your new found wealth

author
fearme36 (author)2008-10-05

"is his coat nicer than yours? if so, merry Christmas" lol very clever!

author
lifelong-newbie (author)2008-08-09

If I find MYSELF dying at the side of the road I am in for one hell of a shock when I come and take ALL MY OWN stuff off myself, Gosh im such a sap/supervillain. Nice instructable

author
gamer (author)2008-01-14

cool, now i know what to get off a dead guy and what not to get, lol very nice comedy instructable! -gamer

author
I3uckwheat (author)gamer2008-08-08

hey we meet again! lol

author

Just trying to make people smile :o)

author
beyondimagination (author)2008-08-06

I couldn't find a dead guy, so i killed someone.

author
FrenchCrawler (author)2008-01-14

Nice... Would have been funnier if someone driving by saw you doing this, thought you really were robbing the guy, and called the cops :P

author

Yea but we had a whole camera crew out there shooting so even if the couple of cars that did drive by saw us, they probably just wondered what we were doing!

author

Unless they've read stories like this...

(there's some sick people out there)

author

<_<; Is that a Kentucky news channel? ;>_>

author
XaiofDren (author)2008-06-19

(This is awesomely funny) Are you sure his name is "Dead Guy"? What if it's"The Corpse"? Well, whatever, sign it right. Hehe

author
kaseyraex3 (author)2008-01-15

"signed dead guy"......wow

author

Wow funny or wow stupid?

author

Wow funny.....

author
LinuxH4x0r (author)2008-01-14

Lol! I'll have to try this some time...

author

Just don't forget to leave the note. That's key lol

author

ok, but not the dollar! lol!

author
GorillazMiko (author)2008-01-14

Hilarious Instructable, nice job. +1 rating. (added to favorites)

About This Instructable

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Bio: Professional magician, COO of Gray Water Ops, Media Consultant for eight Delmarva Broadcasting Company radio stations, dad and husband.
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