Introduction: How to Freeload Off a Dead Guy (Comedy Instructable!)

Picture of How to Freeload Off a Dead Guy (Comedy Instructable!)

If you don't see the video above, click this link to go directly to the video

This is a little instructable I made just to make you laugh. Obviously if you find a dead body you should call the police not take stuff from him!

Step 1: Find a Dead Guy

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Let's say you're walking down the street and you find a dead guy. Don't go calling the police just yet! That dead guy could be a financial jackpot!

Step 2: Make Sure He's Dead

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Find a stick, and poke the dead guy to make sure he's dead.

Step 3: If You're Lucky, He May Have Food on Him

Picture of If You're Lucky, He May Have Food on Him

If the dead guy has any food on him, take it and have lunch!

Step 4: Check His Pockets

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Feel his pockets and remove his wallet

Step 5: Take His Cash

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Remove all the cash from his wallet

Step 6: Leave the Credit Cards

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Don't take the credit cards. That would be credit card fraud and you don't need THAT on your record!

Step 7: Roll the Dead Guy Over

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Using both hands, roll the dead guy over so you can check his front pockets

Step 8: Check All of His Front Pockets

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After you have him rolled over, check his front pockets and take whatever he has on him

Step 9: Take His Car Keys

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If you find a set of car keys, you just pimped yourself a new ride!

Step 10: Don't Forget the Shoes!

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Are his feet about your size? If the shoes are nicer than the ones you have on... grab 'em!

Step 11: Take His Jacket

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Is his jacket in better shape than yours? Merry Christmas!

Step 12: Find the Dead Guys Car

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Chances are he's not too far from his car. Hold his key fob up and press the alarm button to locate which vehicle is his.

Step 13: Leave a Note

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Don't forget to leave a note on the body, that makes it look like the dead guy gave you his stuff and car for $1.00. Write something like this:
"I, Dead Guy give you my stuff and car for $1.00 signed, Dead guy"

Step 14: Put the Note and Dollar in His Pocket

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Put the note and one dollar back in his pocket so the police find it

Step 15: Call the Ploice

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Remember to call the police and leave an anonymous tip, to report the dead guy, so they can collect the body!

Step 16: Behind the Scenes Photos

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If you enjoyed my instructable (which was done strictly for entertainment purposes only) you can view behind the scenes photos from the video shoot at Swamp Studio



42nickd (author)2008-05-08

Funny, I love it. one question... how safe is half eaten food in the hand of a dead guy with no obvious cause of death?

thehbird (author)2014-02-03

Then later die of whatever in the food killed him

ve2vfd (author)2008-01-14

Taking the jacket may be a little hard once rigor mortis has set in though :)

Yea, I don't think he was dead very long lol

Especially if you just run him down, get out of your car, THEN take all his stuff, drive his own car up to his dead body, drive away in your own, and he would have some how ran himself over. No one would suspect you of anything.

Wait a second.... KILLING the guy is a totally different thing and NOT covered by this instructable (lol)

Note to self: Get working on killing people instructable

Make sure its lejit by putting an arduino in there.

ilpug (author)octopuscabbage2011-11-08

and a knex gun.

cd41 (author)lifelong-newbie2009-01-05

park him and the car on a hill so it looks like he forgot his emergency brake

nothing at all

lukeyj15 (author)ve2vfd2009-04-05

and most dead people foul their pants when they die

bowmaster (author)2009-04-07

The first step is easier if you make a dead guy first.

ilpug (author)bowmaster2011-11-08

Yup, worked great for me.

lukeyj15 (author)2009-04-05

your prints would be all over the body

nisoe (author)lukeyj152011-08-05

right the police would thin you did it

DJ Radio (author)lukeyj152009-11-03


lifelong-newbie (author)lukeyj152009-04-05

Dusting for prints would be tricky. Plus nature would soon do away with most of your prints. Trust me.. mwahahaaa

GreenDay (author)2008-01-14

Sick. I hope I find a body soon.

Oh they're lying around everywhere LOL

'bout 11 in my room

joewall1 (author)GreenDay2009-03-27

I would to

The nerdling (author)2011-05-31


chicopluma (author)2011-04-10

but if the dead guy has his tongue green, the food is probably not a good idea hahaha

CyclonicNinja (author)2011-03-24

Funny Instuctable hersheyMagic! and your names keith, mine too! its interesting how there seems to be a lack of Keiths, espiacally in Australia.

your dog (author)2010-11-22

Ahhh! you forgot the belt!

trstn (author)2009-06-28

I'd recommend against using your own cellphone to call the police, easily trackable. Better to opt for a payphone.

kathmonkey (author)2009-06-16

Yes, true love is the greatest thing in the world, but that's not what he said! He distinctly said "To Blave", and as we all know, to blave means to bluff! So someone was playing cards, and he cheated!

Shinta786 (author)2009-03-27

to b honest. this is not a comedy, it happens in real life too ppl really get robbed when dead, asleep on a train or street, drunk, ... We must create a great nation, all that start with yourself! Behave....and be good

HammyHavoc (author)2008-04-24

Nice make up.

Thanks :o) Keith

cd41 (author)2009-01-05

then go to taco bell with your new found wealth

fearme36 (author)2008-10-05

"is his coat nicer than yours? if so, merry Christmas" lol very clever!

lifelong-newbie (author)2008-08-09

If I find MYSELF dying at the side of the road I am in for one hell of a shock when I come and take ALL MY OWN stuff off myself, Gosh im such a sap/supervillain. Nice instructable

gamer (author)2008-01-14

cool, now i know what to get off a dead guy and what not to get, lol very nice comedy instructable! -gamer

I3uckwheat (author)gamer2008-08-08

hey we meet again! lol

Just trying to make people smile :o)

beyondimagination (author)2008-08-06

I couldn't find a dead guy, so i killed someone.

FrenchCrawler (author)2008-01-14

Nice... Would have been funnier if someone driving by saw you doing this, thought you really were robbing the guy, and called the cops :P

Yea but we had a whole camera crew out there shooting so even if the couple of cars that did drive by saw us, they probably just wondered what we were doing!

Unless they've read stories like this...

(there's some sick people out there)

<_<; Is that a Kentucky news channel? ;>_>

XaiofDren (author)2008-06-19

(This is awesomely funny) Are you sure his name is "Dead Guy"? What if it's"The Corpse"? Well, whatever, sign it right. Hehe

kaseyraex3 (author)2008-01-15

"signed dead guy"

Wow funny or wow stupid?

Wow funny.....

LinuxH4x0r (author)2008-01-14

Lol! I'll have to try this some time...

Just don't forget to leave the note. That's key lol

ok, but not the dollar! lol!

GorillazMiko (author)2008-01-14

Hilarious Instructable, nice job. +1 rating. (added to favorites)

About This Instructable




Bio: Professional magician, COO of Gray Water Ops, Media Consultant for eight Delmarva Broadcasting Company radio stations, dad and husband.
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