Introduction: How to Get Particularly Free Lightbulbs
Light bulbs are great. Not only do they give us something (other than our phablets) to power via generator, they're also responsible for spearheading an entire discursive canon of "how many ______s does it take to change a light bulb?" jokes.
But you know what's better than a light bulb? A free light bulb. Here's how to get it, gurl.
Step 1: Search "Free CFLs [your State]" Into Google
You know Google, right? The one with all the pretty colors in the logo.
Of course you do.
Go ahead and punch in "Free CFLs" followed by the name of your state into its mystical search box and let it do all the work while you take the next 0.39 seconds for yourself. You should be brought to a page with all sorts of hyperlinks and informational bibelots. No need to get overwhelmed - you'll be fine.
Look up and down the page. Often times, you'll be able to find a utility company, a special interest group, or a local initiative that's handing out free light bulbs. If/when you find that utility company, special interest group, or local initiative, be sure to write down their phone number.
FYI - CFL stands for "compact fluorescent lamp," which is a fancy way of describing really good light bulbs that won't run out quickly and will save you a rootin'-tootin' amount of money on your next energy bill. They're often handed out for free because the world is a good place, and people are nice.
Step 2: Pick Up Your Phone
Google's done its work; you've got those digits; it's time for you to do the darn thang.
Pick up the nearest telephone - it doesn't necessarily have to be your own. Of course, it might be better if its your own phone, considering if you ask to borrow someone's phone for this purpose, it might be come off as a little bit peculiar.
But hey - they're your bulbs. Light 'em up. And it's your life. Live it up.
Step 3: Dial Numbers
Remember that telephone number you collected from a utility, special interest group, or local initiative that you collected from step one? Time to put that bad boy to the test.
Punch in those numbers in the exact order they were written down, and take your time with it! Dialing a wrong number can be embarrassing, and you have to be all like "Uhhh... sorry, wrong number, my bad." So awkward.
Step 4: Speak, Listen, Learn
With a little luck, you'll get an answer on the other end of the line.
Make sure your phone is situated correctly in your palm, and speak into the transmitter. The receiving end MUST be placed to your ear and the transmitting end MUST be placed to your mouth. I can't stress that enough.
Ask about the free CFLs, and listen closely. The voice on the other end of the line will probably tell you what steps you need to take next. And wouldn't you know it? You're all set to get your free light bulbs - truly an enlightening experience.