Picture of How to Kill Yourself
So you want to kill yourself? Is that why you're here? OK, well, I'm sorry you feel that way, I know it can all feel horribly, tremendously wrong. I've been there. I've stared at sharp objects behind fences and wondered what would happen if I were to jump on them and end it all. For about an hour or so at a time. Fun stuff!

Was I the only one who felt this way? The only one who would have such feelings? What can I say, I was a teenager and I thought I was unique. What I was was stuck in a depression that was eating me alive even as I found it to be so comfy in its absoluteness. Fortunately it was a phase that I was able to put behind myself with a conscious effort.

My friend Paul wasn't so lucky. He fought his depression several times over for a couple decades. After a long battle he chose to fight alone, he took his own life. He wasn't the easiest guy to know, but at his best he could make me laugh and think about all sorts of new ideas for hours on end. I still miss Paul even though it's been over 10 years since we last hung out. This Instructable is for him.

Important Note: If you or a friend are considering suicide please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255). It is free and confidential and they know a LOT more about this stuff than I do.

This is published in support of World Suicide Prevention Day.
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lolli77771 month ago
I too have known many people that have killed themselves and many more, I am sure have thought about it. myself invluded. I used to think about it quite often. How I would do it, where, and the npte I would leave. No foolish attempts for me. It would have to be certain death. There's absolutely no room for error. What if it doesn't work?? What if I end up a vegetable? ( sorry for the expression ) What if my niece found me? The trauma that would do to her would be unbearable, life altering, emotionally scarred. Why would I purposely do that to her. What kind of person would that make me? To not only do that to her but also not be there to wrap my arms around her tight and comfort her. To tell her Im sorry. for making her go through something like that.
When my mother passed away (almost 3 years ago ) I went into a dark place. Still there actually, not sure if I will ever get all the way out. I guess I technically almost did kill myself. Not intentionally though. Alcohol. Ive always drank in the short time I've been on this planet. Especially after my mom died from cancer. She was diagnosed then BAM! 1 1/2 monthes later she was gone. She was my heart. I am no more.
So I drowned in the bottom of my bottle. Swam in it every day, all day. Then my flat dtonach started blowing up. I looked pregnant. I was getting skinnier and skinnier, but not that belly. Everyone asked about due dates, like I was pregnant. I knew I wasn't. I knew something was wrong. The whites of my eyes were VERY clearly yellow and my skin was all splotchy. But kept on rolling steady. Then one day I started to hyperventilate or something. My hubby made me go to the e.r. Turns out I was basically going through liver failure. My urine looked like jaggermeister. Had for quite a while. Dark brown. Scary.
I was 28 yrs old. Spent the whole month of July in the hospital. I was told that if I had not come in for something that simple and then found out what I did, that I'd be dead by the rnd of that year. My liver was 3 1/2 times the size it should be. Luver failure. That explained the massive swelling of the belly, the yellow eyes, splotchy skin, blurred vision, weight loss, the huge amount of blood loss during the one menstrual cycle I had, the unability to eat anything because I couldnt keep it down, the hair loss, just basically everything. I spent over a month in the hospital. With young nurses taking care of me that were my age. Doung something with their lives. While I withered away to about 87 lbs. I kept it from my family as long as I could. It took almost a yesr for my weight to come back. Im ok now, I guess.
But thats life, I suppose. If you've never been close with anyone or even just known anyone who has taken their own life, then take heed to this, you have no idea the effects that your untimely death will have on those people around you. Especially your loved ones. Lets say I did it, and lets say that it planted a seed. A seed that planted itself in the brain of someone you know and grew just a but on the outskirts of their outlook on life. Then it will always be somewhere in there. Even people you may not even think of could be affected in a terrible way because of you. The kid across the street seeing your body being rolled out, your nieces and nephews, some that havent even been born yet. Yes, it will affect
them too. Some wont care too much, some will never be the same filled with utterly devastating sadness and questions for which there will never be answers to and some will always wonder if maybe they should just get it over with too. Then maybe their children will be affected as well.Butterfly effect. I know you may be miserable, but get away from whatever it is that is chewing away at your soul. Tgere is much more out there in the world thst is waiting for you to enjoy. Escape your troubles by changing them with your actions not by just dropping out on life.
nerfrocketeer2 months ago
Didn't you post this already?

Oh, never mind, I read below. Great motive and ible (again)! :)

You shouldn't have titled it that I didn't like it but I'm sorry for your loss I didn't think suicide was very appropriate

I feel like it was titled that way so that people who may have been searching for ways to do it, may stumble upon this instructable and read it.

fungus amungus (author)  gravityisweak2 months ago

Yes, this is exactly the reason.

gravityisweak2 months ago

How did the post date on this article change to today when it is already fairly old?

fungus amungus (author)  gravityisweak2 months ago

I had unpublished it for a bit because I needed to reference my projects and didn't want this to be the first thing on the list. Then with suicide being in the news because of Robin Williams I republished it. It used to be that that the old date would still be there.

r-blue2 months ago
People need to know that depression can be fought. we don't need any more tragedies in this world.
Good instructable
ckoehler19042 months ago

Thanks SO much for this instrutible. I have known far too many people who have ended their lives. At one point I seriously considered doing so myself but backed out at the very last minute. That was over 40 years ago. I am so thankful that I chose life for myself. Now I have great 4 kids, have had a wonderful life partner & career, have helped a bunch of people, and two months from now I will be diving the Great Barrier Reef. Life can be good if you just give yourself a chance. Keep hope, no matter what......

MooMeat424 months ago

I really hope no one pressed the I made it button

jkennedy265 months ago
As to the should'nt have advice.I propose the following:
1.They should'nt have killed themselves.
2.I/we should'nt have ignored the signs.
Newell_Jalynn7 months ago
mvicknair8 months ago
I gotta say I was about to chew u out for telling ppl how to commit suicide, but then u did the opposite. U helped ppl to know Paul n not do what he did to escape his troubles. Paul, I hope u know how great this guy is for doing this for u n ppl like u who dunno where to turn! RIP, Paul!
jkennedy268 months ago
Amazing that this topic or the title could be offensive here...It's written for those who may be depressed or suicidal.Not to entertain or enlighten...But to reach...TOUCH ! Someone...
If I found the post offensive, I'm sure I wouldn't here scream of a friend,family member lest of all a young child. I believe MY growth comes in addressing what's in my reflection and not on the mirror itself.
doh ! Hear
jkennedy268 months ago
Well done fungus, just don't stand to close to the flame. A well written, clearly thought out writing. As to the well put, "Sex Sells" as it were.
Really glad you didn't climb over the fence.
What's next? another page added? Another topic?

Knowledge is Power,Experience, Understanding and Communication pay the bill.
JoMoFroBro9 months ago
A very thoughtful post. Well written piece of advice.
tmeade00710 months ago
RIP Paul
Advar11 months ago
Duuude... :..(
Sad but thoughtful. Nicely written.
Meloncolic...melenconic... ah hell, sweet & sad, well done.
dmosley211 months ago
Sorry about Paul. Excellent post
nancyjohns11 months ago
only once, or twice I thought, "Say, what would it be like if I jumped into that big bunch of spikes?"
sarawelder1 year ago
thank you Fungus.
I will read all your other posts with more interest.
I was suicidal many years ago and someone gave me good advice. Just do the one think you get pleasure from even if that means taking a hot bath several times a day. Knowing there is something that makes you feel good reminds you of that emotion and that it is possible to feel pleasure again. This was a beautifully written tribute to your lost friend.
Cyncha2271 year ago
Thank you Mr. "Amungus", this is a great way to reach people, even catch them off guard, and make them cry and laugh (because you're sweet and funny). I have so much to do, but I would not pass by the Instructables line on "How to kill yourself", or to write and encourage you, and maybe anyone else to reach out to someone. I have knows a couple of people who have committed suicide, and a couple of people who died young who did not. What I learned when I was a teen, and a 20 year old fr,om my friends dying young is that I need to become the best person I can be, to honor them, and to also deal with their deaths. What I learned from having childhood depression is that I don't need to blame myself for it and that Reaching out to others is important. Others may not have the skills to get through their depression. It's also a kind thing to do. You reached out to Paul, and this is good, however sometimes we just can't do anything for someone except extend their life a bit. It's heartbreaking. I feel so bad for Paul and Paul's parents! I am trying to teach my very bright son to deal with life beyond the relatively easy skill of being at the mercy of a quick mind. Life skills matter probably more than a quick mind. The pain of depression is deep, and it is ruthless. A cycle that gets nowhere. Reaching out to others, and reaching out if you are the one with depression is imperative. There is no one size fits all, there is little perfect timing. Depression is hard, it is monotonous, and it is sad. One just needs to be more persistent than the depression, even after one's patience for trying is at it's end. Life will get better. Change is inevitable. Maybe your efforts, Mr. Amungus, will help someone, along with the knowledge there really are kind-hearted people who want to ease the pain of depression.
Nicely put thank you to Mr Amungus.. which I second.. xx
fidgety21 year ago
It is things like this that instructables was made for helping people help themselves and while many instructables are physical in nature and often cost money to make this one does not cost a dime

Well done and thank you
eorionus1 year ago
Thanks for sharing fungus. Hopefully this'll get through to the many people that need it!
weldor1 year ago
First and foremost I gotta tell you that your title kind of freaked me out at first as my brother in law committed suicide years ago. I still miss him and think about him alot.

For people on either side of the fence (no pun intended) go on line and look up NAMI. It stands for "National Alliance for Mental Illness". aas far as I know it is only here in the states (if so, it may be time for someone to start one up else where! you know who you are.) They offer support for the family and friends of people who suffer from mental illness. They offer all kinds of classes for the families and friends. For those in recovery they offer what is referred to as "peer support" classes and services.
I speak from experience as a peer. i will be taking the classes. My wife is and instructor for their Family to Family (F2F) program (because of me). The life you save could be your own.
jkrahling1 year ago
I just looked at it
whemken1 year ago
Thank you.
NeilJB1 year ago
In Australia:
Beyond Blue, depression advice:‎
Lifeline, 24hr crisis line: 13 11 14
owlart1011 year ago
Amazing 'Ible, well thought out and a lot of work put into it. Keep up the good work, I'm glad I actually opened that email I recieved from instructables... :)
kaboo1 year ago
He obviously couldn't see what a trouper of a pal he had. He will be smiling down on you with pride I'm sure, from a place where he was determined to be xx
Thank you for sharing :) It hit home as I am more often Paul, than I am normal.
The email send out titled this article "How to Save a Life." I liked that title.
While that is a more positive title, I think the intent is to direct people with suicidal tendencies to get directed here and then be shown the beauty of life. This way if anyone will be searching for 'How to Kill Yourself', they have high chances of being directed here.
larrowwood1 year ago
RIP Paul. I hope that the author feels better for sharing and others follow his advice.
fungus amungus. Great show.
mdoyle121 year ago
Thank you for this. I'm in my seventh decade and still fighting to hold on.
Along the way, many of my friends 'succeeded' in killing themselves. I tried getting help for Janice. I told her counsellor and all the psych people I could find. We all knew she would try again. The last time she had tried, taking bunches of pills, at the last minute, someone saw her, in her car off the road--passed out and 'the damn lady called 911.' This time, everyone knew she was scheming, but she played her cards close to her vest. Couldn't get her forced into protection. She succeeded 15 years ago this month.
However, I can tell you the most important thing for my staying alive. My two adult children. Kids of suicides have a much greater chance of suiciding and I couldn't do that to the ones I most loved. was a great help for me. Unlike US Samaritans, the ones in the UK promised not to call the local police to have me committed.
The third thing that helped me was getting involved in a nonjudgmental, loving group. In my case, it was my local Episcopal church. Volunteer groups often help.
Help someone else. It helped me be someone relied on by others.
Actually, I came here to learn how to save a life, but your Instructable begins with "So you want to kill yourself?" Basically, you lost me at Hello.

Honestly, I'd change the title.
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