So you want to kill yourself? Is that why you're here? OK, well, I'm sorry you feel that way, I know it can all feel horribly, tremendously wrong. I've been there. I've stared at sharp objects behind fences and wondered what would happen if I were to jump on them and end it all. For about an hour or so at a time. Fun stuff!

Was I the only one who felt this way? The only one who would have such feelings? What can I say, I was a teenager and I thought I was unique. What I was was stuck in a depression that was eating me alive even as I found it to be so comfy in its absoluteness. Fortunately it was a phase that I was able to put behind myself with a conscious effort.

My friend Paul wasn't so lucky. He fought his depression several times over for a couple decades. After a long battle he chose to fight alone, he took his own life. He wasn't the easiest guy to know, but at his best he could make me laugh and think about all sorts of new ideas for hours on end. I still miss Paul even though it's been over 10 years since we last hung out. This Instructable is for him.

Important Note: If you or a friend are considering suicide please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255). It is free and confidential and they know a LOT more about this stuff than I do.

This is published in support of World Suicide Prevention Day.

Passo 1: Don't Talk to Anyone

Certainly the thing that Paul was really good at was shutting people out when times got rough. It was an uncanny ability if you could try to classify it as some sort of a skill.

"So how are you feeling tonight?"
"..."
"Paul?"
"...yeah?"
"You been taking anything?"
"..."
"Goddammit, I'm coming over. Can you get up to to open the door when I get there?"
"I..."
"Good"

These were the bad times. The times when Paul would just shut down. Sometimes there was a slight gap you could try to coax into a minor opening, but other times it would clamp shut right in front of you. I'd swing by his apartment and he'd let me in, or maybe a roommate did, and then I'd talk next to him for an hour or so. The responses were grunts or the occasional word. One time after a session of looking through his DVDs and pretending to talk about movies he said, "I'm not going to get up for a while."
"A while? An hour or so?"
"Long enough"

And I'd try telling jokes or talking about things I liked or even bouncing popcorn off his forehead one time, but nothing worked. When Paul got better he would refuse to talk about his mute sessions. He said he could handle it. He said he his own way. I let it go even though I doubted his way was working all that well. He was surrounded by piles of stuff everywhere I could see.
<p>I'm 36 and I don't wanna be here anymore. My life is an endless list of failures. Every thing I touch I destroy. I try to be a good person, but it doesn't matter what I do, I end up wanting it all to end. I have battled this for years, since I was 14. Im just scared because I am a single mom and all the family my kids have. I don't wanna hurt my kids, but I feel like they are better off without me. I have fought so many fights in my life and I have nothing left to give</p>
<p>iam a guy similar in age and i will never say i understand fully. but noone can. please email me at anonymousearforyou@gmail.com. i will answer!!!!</p>
<p>hey I'm stephanie look its going to be ok your are loved and your kids cant live without you so don't if you want someone to talk to I'm here or you can go to life line or kids help line they saved me and i know they can save you </p>
<p>Im 43 years old. I have failed in life more times than I can count. I am about to be evicted, I don't have any friends because I worked too much, I was laid off from my job, I have no one to turn too, Im alone, afraid, and lost. I have tried over and over again to just stay afloat yet I must be incapable of doing so. I have 5.00 left, no food, no gas money for a cor that will be repoed soon, Unemployment wont pay me because they cant find my last companies address and I don't know what to do. I have been trying to keep up on child support that is 1400.00 a month, but now I'm so far behind that they will most likely want to jail me. I can only say sorry so many times, and most have already had enough. I dont drink, smoke, do drugs, or gamble. I have a full head of hair, I'm 6 foot and 175 pounds, so Im not ugly or deformed or stuck in a vice, Im just broken. I dont understand most things, I cant seem to do the simplest things in life, yet I have computer skills that net me 60.00 per hour when I'm working. Most of my things have been sold for food, I jsut cant do it anymore. I am a burden and should be dead. Last year I paid over 40K in Taxes and I cant find help. I was on the phone for 3 hours only to have them hang up on me. I also called for rental help and they laughed at me when they asked how much I made last year. 40K in taxes, 30K in child support, 25K to pay off my medical bills form 2010, and I have been living on 20K. I make allot of money, but have nothing. You think money makes you happy? keep thinking that. Im going to go now, wish I could labatamize myself to forget, but death may be the only way out here.</p>
<p>Everything in life is difficult. there is NO easy answer please shoot me an email i have been in a similar situation and am not hear to change your mind. Anonymousearforyou@gmail.com. No pressure lets just talk</p>
<p>same here, struggling, it will be ok. I have a new born and not sure if I can support him much longer. not sure but I m trying. lets talk sometime. maybe we can figure out something or just talk. im losing it here myself. I always find a way to live a little longer. </p>
<p>send me ur gmail so I can message u.</p><p>And we talk.</p>
<p>hey I'm steph i was going to ask for you to check out kids help line or life line they can help you a lot </p>
Hi I'm 12 years old and my just died October 11th 2014. I'm scared and I feel that I'm alone and I want to kill myself I hate going to school I hate my life and I want to end everything....so I'm asking for help what should I do
<p>Hey dont feel alone! i have been there and i do understand!! Please send me an email talking about anything you want... i will respond Anonymousearforyou@gmail.com. please</p>
<p>me too I feel the same way as u do</p>
<p>hey I'm steph i know how you feel i lost my dad a few weeks before i was born but you got to hope for the best i did and when i was 5 i had my dream come true i got a daddy and i love him I'm not saying that you might get a mum again I'm saying you got to be positive and I'm here to tell you YOUR NOT ALONE i thought i was but we are not alone hundreds of people love you but you don't even know that you didn't know i love you because i do i love you not in a creepy way in a way that tells you that i know how you feel and you need to look on the bright side like you have your dad that loves you SO MUCH and if you end it now you won't have the journey a head if you ever feel like you wanna talk to me just talk to me feel free to and if you still need more help go on to kids help line they saved my lives they will be able to save yours to </p><p>yours truly, </p><p>stephanie couchman </p>
Ok but thats not the only thing after my mom died my dad's house burned down and now my grandma wants me to live with her and so does my uncle and my dreams are to become a singer and I was going to a audition And it turns out it is fake and that's not all I just went back to school and it's hard because I was on online school for two years and I feel like no one likes me and that no boy will like me . And don't say u love me because I know no one does
<p>Stephanie, there are thousands of children in the world who today didn't even have breakfast because there was nothing to eat. You have the potential to be what you want to be; it is all up to day. So, grow up!</p>
<p>fuck off I'm trying to help a person who wants to die and u go off at me just go fuck your self you rude fucking idiot and i think i can grow up cause growing up is to look around and realize that the country we liv win the food we it all around us we have and people still want to die so whats your point </p>
<p>look i have a friend like you she always says no one likes her LOOK AROND hundreds love u i just meet u and i love you see look again your grandma and uncle log eyou and keep the dream still dreams but instead of a dream make it real </p>
My mom **
<p>Do you know how cruel this is. I was planning trying to kill my self. every website i go to says the same.</p>
<p>hey send me an email explaining your situation. trust me i will respond.. please shoot me an email im not a god freak or looking to stop you. what have you got to lose.. Anonymousearforyou@gmail.com</p>
<p> gg</p>
<p>Horrible how-to guide. I still have no clue how to kill myself painlessly. I didn't want to hear a sob story telling me &quot;oh it gets better&quot; or anything, just an easy guide. 0/10</p>
<p>Hey! i am not a hotline or a suicide prevention clinic but please email <br>me if you have thoughts of anything like this... i am not here to change <br> your mind just to talk. Email me at Anonymousearforyou@gmail.com. i was <br> in this scenario and i am here to talk. please just shoot me a quick or <br> long email... i will respond</p>
<p>my name is stupid i know that.. but please send me an email. i am not here to change your mind or offer advice just hear you out</p>
<p>Hey! i am not a hotline or a suicide prevention clinic but please email me if you have thoughts of anything like this... i am not here to change your mind just to talk. Email me at Anonymousearforyou@gmail.com. i was in this scenario and i am here to talk. please just shoot me a quick or long email... i will respond</p>
And im not some stupid kid I've lived it sucks
Jesus i don't want to hear shit like it will get better. NOTHING GETS BETTER! I have a thousand sob stories that would make anyone want to die. This kid on here talking about her love for her new daddy needs to stop. Some of us are all alone, some of us get verbally abused every day ,and some of us have a family who think you're shit. ..like mine. I have no home my parents won't talk to me and no im not on drugs. SOMETIMES, LIFE SUCKS AND NOBODY CARES TO HEAR THE HAPPY SHIT. I'M HERE FOR A REASON BUT IT WAS OBVIOUSLY A HUGE WASTE OF TIME.
50ish, have been told all my life I was use less. I was never going to be anything. I have been beaten, raped , and was called horrible, horrible things. I would have rather been beaten then getting talked to like I was trash. The word's don't go away. They stay and haunt you over over over and over again. Another relationship I'm in. A drunk. A very verbally abusive man when he drinks<br> But when he is sober, he is the perfect funny husband. I don't want to do this anymore. My children hear him. The names he calls me. The but he gives to me emotionally. I want to end the violence in my head in my heard in my life. My health is so horrible I don't have the strength to go on. It's not fair to end my life and just quit. I'm not quitting. I just can't get the strength to walk away from another relationship. Thank you all who read and listened. I need to end the hurt I have. Right now, sadly, I feel that this is the only way. Thank you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aMqFflLJN38<br><br>Dedicate this video to everyone u know who is going through this.
Yeah but what does that have to do with me?.
I wrote it for a friend who shot himself.
What do u guys think of my lyrics?<br><br>&quot;You Took Your Life Away.&quot;<br>I can't seem to find my place,<br>with you gone,yeah,It seems like it was <br>yesterday when took you took your <br>life away,Oh, yeah,<br><br>The pain you left behind,my <br>broken heart,the memories of you,<br>And the tears I shed for you never <br>goes away,<br><br>It hurts, it kills me to know<br>That your gone, to know<br>That you won't be by my side<br>Anymore,<br><br>So I ask myself every single day <br>And night, who will I turn to when <br>I'm all alone? Who will hold me<br>Telling me that everything will<br>Be all right?<br><br>I can't seem to find my place,<br>With you gone, I don't know how<br> much I can take with out you,<br>I need you now, more then ever,<br>[4x]<br><br>I can't seem to find my place,<br>With you gone,It seems like it w<br>as yesterday whenYou took your <br>life away, oh, yeah<br><br>I don't know what to do, <br>Anymore, I can't feel you<br>Here with me any more,<br><br>So I ask myself every single <br>day and night, who will I <br>Turn to when I'm all alone?<br>Who will hold me, telling <br>Me that everything will<br>Be all right?<br><br>The pain you left behind,<br>My broken heart, the <br>memories of you,<br>And the tears I shed for<br> you never goes away,<br><br>It hurts, it kills me<br>To know that your that<br>Your gone, to know<br>That you won't be by my side<br>Anymore,<br><br>Yeah, I can't seem to <br>find my place with you<br>Gone,yeah, it seems like<br>It was yesterday when<br>You took your life away.<br><br>Lyrics by:Annabel Del Bosque.<br>December12, 2014 <br><br><br><br><br><br>
I HATE MY LIFE! I JUST WANT TO <br>DIE ALREADY!
GOODBYE!!!!<br>FOREVER!!!!!????
IM NOT GOING TO STAY ALIVE JUST TO SEE THE DAY OF TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<br>IM TYERED OF GETTING TURNED DOWN BY THOSE WHO SAY THEIR MY FRIENDS, WHEN REALLY THEY'RE NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<br>THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS TRUE FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<br><br>WHY SHOULD I STAY ALIVE AND I JUST KEEP ON GETTING TURNED DOWN BY THOSE WHO <br>SAY THEIR MY FRIENDS, WHEN REALLY THEIR NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<br>WELL I JUST WANT TO SAY THAT THIS IS THE LAST TIME U<br>ALL WILL HEAR FROM AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<br><br>CAUSE NO ONE CARES ABOUT ME ANYMORE, AND I'VE HAD IT WITH ALL THOSE PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<br>I'M TAKE MY LIFE TONIGHT!!!!!!!!!!<br>NOT LIKE ANYONE CARES ABOUT ME!!!!!!!!!!???<br>I HATE THIS FUCKING WORLD AND EVERYTHING IN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why is it so hard to try and live ur life when u know a family member or a really,really good friend took their life away?<br>And they only left behind so much pain,regreat,suffering,misery behind with us?<br>And all we have left is all those memories of them. How can we go on when we know we can never get them back again.<br>WELL I HATE THIS WORLD AND <br>EVERYTHING IN IT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<br>CAuSE NOtHING EVER STAYS THE SAME AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was wrong to trust friends. I was messaging one of my friends. He told me to leave him the fuck alone. He didn't seem to care that he hurt me that he left me crying.<br>Friends will just betray you.<br>I have no friends who cares what happens to me. They won't stop me from committing suicide.<br>They won't care what happens to me. I was so fucking stupid to believe I could ever trust him. I was so fucking stupid to actually believe he was my friend, a friend who I thought would care if I took my life tonight but I was wrong.
What's the point of going on with my life?<br>If no one seems to care about me anymore. I thought I could always count on all my friends..... But I was wrong. I can't count on my friends to be with me when I need them the most. They'll just turn on you, they'll leave you alone not caring if your about to take your own life away before their eyes.<br>They won't care, they'll just turn you away. Leaving you hurt on the inside out. They won't care if they leave you crying alone.<br>They won't care if it will be the last time They'll ever hear from you again.<br><br>
I'm 12 , I think about suicide everyday of my life . I get threatened , abused , beat on by my Grandma . Sometimes I cry myself to sleep cause she calls me worthless , son of a bitch, fat , ugly even tells me No one will ever fall in love with me . Sometimes I think about calling the police or children sources . I look at knifes and almost cut myself but I stop ! Sometimes I sit in my room in the dark thinking of ways I can kill myself I just can't handle it anymore! She threatens if I tell she will beat on me what should I do ?
<p>Hi i'm 12 years old and i have tried suicide many times someone always get me or takes me to the hospital after i pass out from taking to many pills or bleeding out. I hate my life i have no one. My mother took my brother and left me with my father because she didn't want me because i was born when she was about to go to college and even had a scholarship. She even blamed me when i was younger because, her husbands and boyfriends were very abusive and she just didn't care but know i'm living with my dad. But i still try to commit suicide everyday or i cut everyone here blames me for my mothers disappearance and they hate my guts they even say it to my face and think i'm mental. They want to put me on so many medications and go to special therapists. &quot;for people like me&quot; They even yell at me when i don't want to eat and just say im skin and bones. Im now always under watch except for a couple of hours i always try to die and leave this horrible place but someone always gets in my way. </p>
It's not just that though.
It's not just that though.
I'm a 12 year old boy who hates his life and everyone in my family isn't poor and were actually quite rich my parents aren't divorced or anything like that. I have a brother and sister who are twins. My life's not fair im treated like a fuckin piece of shit compared to them. I Just hate my life and everyone in it. I WANT TO DIE. It's not fair please help me.
It's just that I've been thinking about my friend. He took his life away this year around2:00am
Hey I got help. And now I'm all good.
Check this out I feel this way everyday and night.<br><br>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Foyq4AKMuz0
There are so many problem in my life I just wanna die sometime :&lt;
<p>so do I.</p>
<p>what a fuking asshole. this bittch blogger lures you and with kill yourself and then fuking bait switches into a whole fuking pontificating about his own fuked up narrow views. U r a cunt, u fuking piece of shiit. fuk off bittch cunt. Do not tell people that they are wrong for wanting to die, u arrogant fuking cunt piece of shiit.</p>
<p>i really do want to die because my life is shit</p>
<p>i really do want to die because my life is shit</p>

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Ago 13, 2014

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Bio: I like to make things for the internets. I also sell a pretty cool calendar at supamoto.co. You'll like it.

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