So you want to kill yourself? Is that why you're here? OK, well, I'm sorry you feel that way, I know it can all feel horribly, tremendously wrong. I've been there. I've stared at sharp objects behind fences and wondered what would happen if I were to jump on them and end it all. For about an hour or so at a time. Fun stuff!

Was I the only one who felt this way? The only one who would have such feelings? What can I say, I was a teenager and I thought I was unique. What I was was stuck in a depression that was eating me alive even as I found it to be so comfy in its absoluteness. Fortunately it was a phase that I was able to put behind myself with a conscious effort.

My friend Paul wasn't so lucky. He fought his depression several times over for a couple decades. After a long battle he chose to fight alone, he took his own life. He wasn't the easiest guy to know, but at his best he could make me laugh and think about all sorts of new ideas for hours on end. I still miss Paul even though it's been over 10 years since we last hung out. This Instructable is for him.

Important Note: If you or a friend are considering suicide please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255). It is free and confidential and they know a LOT more about this stuff than I do.

This is published in support of World Suicide Prevention Day.

Passo 1: Don't Talk to Anyone

Certainly the thing that Paul was really good at was shutting people out when times got rough. It was an uncanny ability if you could try to classify it as some sort of a skill.

"So how are you feeling tonight?"
"..."
"Paul?"
"...yeah?"
"You been taking anything?"
"..."
"Goddammit, I'm coming over. Can you get up to to open the door when I get there?"
"I..."
"Good"

These were the bad times. The times when Paul would just shut down. Sometimes there was a slight gap you could try to coax into a minor opening, but other times it would clamp shut right in front of you. I'd swing by his apartment and he'd let me in, or maybe a roommate did, and then I'd talk next to him for an hour or so. The responses were grunts or the occasional word. One time after a session of looking through his DVDs and pretending to talk about movies he said, "I'm not going to get up for a while."
"A while? An hour or so?"
"Long enough"

And I'd try telling jokes or talking about things I liked or even bouncing popcorn off his forehead one time, but nothing worked. When Paul got better he would refuse to talk about his mute sessions. He said he could handle it. He said he his own way. I let it go even though I doubted his way was working all that well. He was surrounded by piles of stuff everywhere I could see.
<p>hey guys i made a site for people like you <a href="http://steph014.wix.com/-your-not-alone" rel="nofollow">http://steph014.wix.com/-your-not-alone</a> check it out it might help or give me a message I'm here for all of you guys </p>
<p>Very nice job steph! looks great and applaud you for your open hearted kindness. I'll post my story on ur website, hopefully can help some people.</p>
<p>you are a couch!!!!</p>
<p>The highs are never anywhere near as high as the lows are low. Neither are they as long. We are literally in hell.</p><p>There is nothing more universal than death.</p>
<p>how do i kill myself</p>
<p>i love u</p>
Hey Fungus you around ? I got a question...
<p>fuck paul</p>
<p>I wanted to kill ymself and you did not help me.</p>
<p>this wasn't useful at all, i want to kill myself not seek help fuck this</p>
To you seeking <br>I speak for I.<br>I have all I am only.<br>I alone know all my life.<br>I alone know all that I was.<br>I alone think these thoughts.<br>I alone breath this life.<br>I alone see from this mind.<br>I alone feel the pain in me.<br>I alone scream my anguish. <br>I tell you all this now, I tell you all because it shows me I am not alone.
<p>man that is some deep shit my nigga</p><p>god bless</p>
<p>man broth that is some deep shit my nigga</p>
Are you a <br>Johava's witness ?
johovas witness ?
<p>I don't know the situation any of you are in right now. But I hope this helps: http://wol.jw.org/en/wol/s/r1/lp-e?q=suicide&amp;p=par</p>
For You are not I as I am not You. I have been as you and Today will choose to stay. I am far more lost than found. Older than young, faded more than glowing. Stronger in misunderstanding than communicating. Far more experienced in lost than guidance. <br> Today will choose to stay. Why holds no matter, suffice is enough. Nothing weighs more than my life on earth. Nothing jusitifies ceasing such as I. Nor a pain or sadness of mine help another. <br> Today I choose to stay. <br> By my choice at 60 times each minute. I will to stay<br>By my choice at 60 times each hour I will to stay. If my life is to be spent as such, so it shall. My times in this reality will not come so far for so long simply to end prematurely. The simple pleasures are what go unseen..I seek them as they do I. We pass thru one another often. When I listen I feel. When I smell I taste so be it the pleasures in this one life are beautiful,plentiful, numerous.
<p>amen</p>
Wow, who are you? I've read that, all that. It's like you've read my mind. It's divine and beautiful.
Not a question asked of me, never heard it of me. I am as I, none suicidial. Lost yes, afraid absolutly. Married mostly happily but struggles abound, 3 great cats. ADHD, deppression,ocd ect ect <br>lmao ! 55 yr old white guy raised in Md. retired Navy..<br> kinda Guy
The bell rang and we escaped.<br>I used to be the only habitant,<br>I now look around and they're all back again.<br>Roaming the streets with bicycles and inappropriate clothing.<br>It's either frost bite, or intoxication.<br>And I'm not part taking.<br>I do tend to blend in with the bitter and grey outback of this Lollapalooza.<br>It's all coming down.<br>Hissing at me.<br>Lurking, then jumping up against me.<br>Landing on it's paws, ready to jump again.<br>Freerunner.<br>I'm just getting hurt and becoming tired.<br>I'm tired.<br>I've lost my each and every urge to purge. All watered down by endurance and minimal coming of age.<br><br>Sixteen, anxiety disorder, post-borderline, and severe depression. Windstill school enviroment, just a bad past and present. I'd like to realise I'm not overreacting.<br><br>You have my respect and praise sir, and I hope you'll find tranquility.<br>For I initially don't have the right to give up while I've just started.
Hope it didn't mislead you, I just had to go with it. Read the page for many months see to much pain not answerd fully. Felt quilty for putting it....there are great struggles than mine.
How To Kill Myself
You Can't Tell me<br><br>You can't Tell me how to
<p>like i get the message and all</p><p>but why is there no info on killing oneself </p>
<p>To all who are young and in that alone and afraid place. Remember that no matter what anyone says to you or with you, a choice can be a powerful thing. You all seem very intelligent and if your here then enjoy things most cannot grasp. You will find later a lot of success in work and you will produce wonderful things. I just wan to plant a seed that I just found out about myself. Autism is not always completely debilitating. There are in fact high functioning Autistic adults and children. Often miss diagnosed with ADD or Depression. We don't have the ability to understand things like body language, or conversation edict. We tend to be non-linear thinkers which comes out in out speech. This isolates us and begins to create an island. So buck up, bunny! Your not sick your retarded. LOL I love it. but really becasue I found out too late, and can do nothing about it now, Im loosing my son too. Which was the last bastion of my life. </p>
<p>Please dont feel that way. I have gone through the same exact thing as have you all......Dont ever think to kill your self...thats not your place.....</p><p>It. is Gods. If you want to talk more on this...answer this question for me...Why do you want to die? Give me some reasons.</p>
<p>I'm an atheist and have more morals and values than any believer I have met. Job was a bet between god and the devil. Don't give up, right.</p>
<p>This Life has Tested my patience. I just Give Up </p>
<p>Don't give up. Just keep trying.Have you ever tryed praying to God?</p>
<p>Im 43 years old. I have failed in life more times than I can count. I am about to be evicted, I don't have any friends because I worked too much, I was laid off from my job, I have no one to turn too, Im alone, afraid, and lost. I have tried over and over again to just stay afloat yet I must be incapable of doing so. I have 5.00 left, no food, no gas money for a cor that will be repoed soon, Unemployment wont pay me because they cant find my last companies address and I don't know what to do. I have been trying to keep up on child support that is 1400.00 a month, but now I'm so far behind that they will most likely want to jail me. I can only say sorry so many times, and most have already had enough. I dont drink, smoke, do drugs, or gamble. I have a full head of hair, I'm 6 foot and 175 pounds, so Im not ugly or deformed or stuck in a vice, Im just broken. I dont understand most things, I cant seem to do the simplest things in life, yet I have computer skills that net me 60.00 per hour when I'm working. Most of my things have been sold for food, I jsut cant do it anymore. I am a burden and should be dead. Last year I paid over 40K in Taxes and I cant find help. I was on the phone for 3 hours only to have them hang up on me. I also called for rental help and they laughed at me when they asked how much I made last year. 40K in taxes, 30K in child support, 25K to pay off my medical bills form 2010, and I have been living on 20K. I make allot of money, but have nothing. You think money makes you happy? keep thinking that. Im going to go now, wish I could labatamize myself to forget, but death may be the only way out here.</p>
<p>Hey man, my best friend just killed himself the day before thanksgiving, he was 49 years old. He was a Marine and in operation desert storm loading missiles and bombs in F18s and F15s. He worked incredibly hard, didnt miss a day of work in over 15 years, has 4 amazing kids, made great money as a welder for the gas company, and recently got promoted to crew leader making more than 45-50 an hour depending(with overtime even more). Several months before this he got divorced. He could not get over it. and then even with all the money he made, after child support and alimony and bills, he was broke. He let his mind suffer over it. He was depressed not being able to see his kids every day, amongst other things. If only he realized how many people were important to him, how many people cared about him.. More than 150 people showed up to his celebration of life/memorial. <br>Looking into the past and suffering over it is useless. You cannot change the past. The same goes for the future. You can predict all you want, but you truly dont know whats going to happen. Dont suffer over these things. Once you can accept it, the past is there, its done with, and move on, your life will change all the better. The only thing you can actually change or do anything about is the present. This very second. <br>My friend had many similarities to you, I lived with him for 8 months. I would love to talk to you, if your interested. Contact me at NyxNax786@yahoo.com. I can give you my phone number through there as well.</p>
<p>I only hope the cunt that divorced him and pushed him over the edge by taking everything from him burns in hell after living out the rest of her cunting existence here on planet fuckmeintheass.</p>
<p>I'm sorry to hear that.</p>
<p>Everything in life is difficult. there is NO easy answer please shoot me an email i have been in a similar situation and am not hear to change your mind. Anonymousearforyou@gmail.com. No pressure lets just talk</p>
<p>Are you for real...? Because I tried to send you an email, and it kept telling me that it couldn't be delivered...</p>
<p>You want to die because you are a man and a father. You have had your sperm harvested and now they want your money. It is the same for me and al of the men in the western world. You will get no help because you are a man and a father. Check out. </p>
Are you still here?...if not dead i want to say i can understand every word you wrote..too much pressure all the time never knowing if you will get to retire anywhere other than on the street or under a bridge.
<p>same here, struggling, it will be ok. I have a new born and not sure if I can support him much longer. not sure but I m trying. lets talk sometime. maybe we can figure out something or just talk. im losing it here myself. I always find a way to live a little longer. </p>
<p>send me ur gmail so I can message u.</p><p>And we talk.</p>
<p>hey I'm steph i was going to ask for you to check out kids help line or life line they can help you a lot </p>
Hi. I'm Paisley. My best friend and I started dating and I fell for him. He said he loved me and then the next day he decided he didn't wanna be around me. He has recently said he hates me. And I have many problems at home. I lost the one person in the world who truly understood me. And I wanna know the quickest and most painful way to kill myself. I don't have a gun tho
Hi, my name Eimantas, i'm 14 years old. I don't wanna live. My dad don't know how old i'm, my mom don't care about me. When i said to mom i'm gonna kill my self she said: go and kill, i don't care about you. But when i said to dad same, he said: don't do that i need you, you have everything what you need ti live. Than i know, dad care about me, but anyway i don't wanna live. I just do like Paul do: i don't talk anymore with friends and others, they said i'm sick i need medicine. What should i do?
Hi I'm 13 and most of my year and the year above hate me. I feel isolated and alone, I don't know why they dislike me so much. What did I ever do to them? It's hard at home too my parents are always falling out and getting back together and falling out again so at the moment I don't want my mom to worry as she's got enough on her mind even though I don't find her approachable anyway:&amp; the only person I feel that I can approach is my head of year and nan iv told my head of year everything and she said iv changed a lot in a good way people just can't see it yet as it takes time to build up. Iv had thoughts about suicide as I'm that in-happy with my self atm. I know I'm very young but iv had enough of the hate and bitching about me I can't even turn to ny supposingly 'best friend' what shall I do?
<p>have you checked out kids help line if not do because they can help and if you wanna talk to me feel free to i know how you feel I've been there </p>
Hey im gonna try that it just might help
<p>it really dose if u cant get on to them try emailing me if you like if u do want to just tell me and ill tell u my emial </p>
<p>it dose help a lot </p>
<p>If you want to talk email me at karth423@gmail.com, i recently went through something like this i would like to help!</p>
Hey I'm a freshman and when i was in middle school i was getting bullied a lot i felt like i was just going to end my life there but i didnt now im getting bullied even worse then before im just gonna go to the shooting range because you don't pay until after you leave and shoot my self in there no one will know. At school im getting bullied and at home my dad beats me a lot and i go to school with bruses on my face and arms from him beating all the time

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Ago 13, 2014

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Bio: I like to make things for the internets. I also sell a pretty cool calendar at supamoto.co. You'll like it.

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