This instruction guide will show you how to make other people think you are talented and interesting. Playing guitar can take years to master and simply learning the basics can take months on your own. But what’s the point? You are learning to play guitar to impress chicks, dudes, or even your easily impressed friends. This guide will show you how to appear to be awesome with a minimal amount of effort.
Things you will need:
· A guitar – a standard guitar that you would find in a music store or pawn shop. It should have 6 strings, and produce noise when you pull on the strings.
· A guitar tuner app – Learning how to tune a guitar takes time and effort, instead of that simply download an app that tells you how to tune the guitar without any knowledge of notes or tuning. A good Android app is Pitch Lab lite, it’s free and does all the heavy lifting, all you have to do is turn a knob and listen to the app. You can find the app here at pitchlab.
· A guitar pick (Optional) – a little shark tooth shaped piece of plastic, you don’t need it, but it keeps your fingernails looking pretty.
Step 1: Preparing the Guitar
- Get the Guitar.
Finding a guitar can be expensive if you get a fancy one, but for this guide I recommend just finding a cheap one at a pawn shop or you could even “borrow” one from a friend.
2. Tune the Guitar.
Now it has to sound a certain way when you strum it. The easiest way to do this is with an app on a device with a microphone. In Pitch Lab lite, you just have to open the app play the guitar one string at a time, starting with the String closest to you head pull the string let it ring and see if it makes the app red or blue or green. If red make the string tighter by turning the lower left knob at the top of the guitar when facing the guitar. Counter clockwise, if blue make it looser, by turning it clockwise. Do this until the app turns green. Do this with all of the knobs and the guitar will be tuned.
Step 2: The G Chord
Now you will create a G chord with your guitar. Look at the diagram above, it represents the top of a guitar if it was facing you.
Wrap your hand around the guitar it will seem unnatural at first, but the more time you do it, and get used to the way your hands feel holding the guitar it will become easier. Your thumb should be pointed towards the top of the guitar.
1. Place your middle finger in the far right spot.
2. Place your index finger in the middle spot.
3. Place your pinky finger in the far left spot.
4. Hover your ring finger above all the strings.
Step 3: The C Chord
Now you will create a C chord. Your thumb should rest on the side of the guitar pointing towards the head of the guitar.
1. Place your ring finger on the black spot on the far left.
2. Place your middle finger on the middle black spot.
3. Place your index finger on the black spot on the far right.
4. Hover your pinky over the strings so it doesn't make any sounds.
Step 4: The D Chord
Now you will create a D chord. Wrapping your thumb around the guitar and pointing it towards the strings can give you a better grip for this chord.
1. Place you’re index finger on the far left black spot.
2. Place your ring finger on the middle black spot.
3. Place your middle finger on the far right black spot.
4. Make sure your pinky is hovering over the strings.
Step 5: Playing the Guitar
1. Hit every to hit every string in a downward motion string using the guitar pick or your fingers, the sound should be pleasant.
a. If it sounds like something’s out of place check the diagram for the chord again. You can also check this website to see what the chord is supposed to sound like www.8notes.com.
2. Sweep upwards and hit every String once again. Do this repeatedly so you can hit every String when you sweep upwards or downwards.
3. Switch between the Chords slowly, from G to C than to D.
4. Practice switching between them until you can switch between them without looking.
Step 6: Pretending
You can now sufficiently make people think you know how to play guitar, you can make up your own lyrics, and just play the chord’s G, than C, and D over and over again. You can change up the order of the chords as well. People will be impressed, and all you have to do to make it seem more impressive is just shake up how you sweep the strings. You can make it faster or slower, louder or quieter by strumming the strings differently, the sky is the limit.
Step 7: Songs
In case you lack creativity, you can just play along to these songs, whose guitar parts are literally just the three chords above.
All of these songs utilize G-C-D pattern. You can just play along to the songs and impress all of your friends, and that girl in that one party who’s attention you want.
· "Ring of Fire" by Johnny Cash.
· "Release" by Pearl Jam.
· "Sweet Home Alabama" by Lynyrd Skynyrd.
· "Leaving on a Jet Plane" by John Denver.
· "Knockin' on Heaven's Door" by Bob Dylan.
· "Brown Eyed Girl" by Van Morrison.
· "Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)" by Green Day.
You can listen to the songs and try to just play along, matching the strumming of the strings to the guitar in the music. After you get a feel for it, playing the songs at parties, and at your friend’s apartments will be so easy you won’t even have to think about it. All you’ll need to do is remember to take your guitar, everywhere you go, and refuse to put it away no matter how many people ask you to stop playing.