Introduction: How to Make an Official Tom Brady Deflategate Whoopee Cushion
If you're going to be deflating footballs, why not go the extra step and let loose with some fun and exciting fart sounds?
The Official Tom Brady Deflategate Whoopee Cushion promises to entertain you for hours.
(Note: If you play for the New England Patriots, you should not use this football. It sounds an alarm when deflated.)
Step 1: Gather Your Supplies
Here's all you will need to make your very own Deflategate Whoopee Cushion:
- One Whoopee Cushion
- One cheap football
- Sharp knife and/or scissors
I got my football and Whoopee Cushion at Walmart. As I was checking out the girl working the register noted, "This football is kind of deflated."
"That's OK," I replied. "I'm making a Deflategate Whoopee Cushion."
To which she replied nothing.
Step 2: Test Your Whoopie Cushion
Before you begin constructing your Deflategate Whoopee Cushion, make sure your Whoopee Cushion works.
To do so, inflate the Whoopee Cushion and sit on it.
Or hide it under a blanket and trick somebody else into sitting on it.
My dog wasn't fooled, so I had to test drive it.
Step 3: Cut Off the End of the Football
Use a knife and/or sharp scissors, being careful not to draw blood.
Depending on the quality of the football, this can be difficult to accomplish.
Step 4: Insert Whoopie Cushion Into Football
Roll up your Whoopee Cushion and carefully slide it into the opening of the football.
If it doesn't fit, repeat Step 3.
Slide the Whoopee Cushion into the football until its tip is sticking out of the end of the football.
Step 5: Inflate the Whoopie Cushion
Ease a straw into the opening of the Whoopee Cushion and inflate it. When it is fully inflated, squeeze the ends of the Whoopee Cushion tight to keep the air contained.
Step 6: Sit on It
Sit on your Tom Brady Deflategate Whoopee Cushion and let the fun begin.
Note that the Deflategate Whoopie Cushion is the brain child of Jan Clyde, who holds the title of Biggest Buffalo Bills Fan in Colorado. Jan has been relishing the Deflategate scandal.
As have I.
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