Introduction: How to Successfully Feed Your Dog
Hello everyone! Do you have a hungry dog at home? Have they gone without food for a while because you are at a loss on what to do? Well then, look no further because today I am going to teach you how to feed your dog in 10 easy steps. Here is a small list of things you will need;
- One or more hungry Dogs (large breed preferred)
- A bowl for your dog/ dogs to eat out of
- Dog food to put in aforementioned bowl
- A measuring scoop
- A good attitude (Get hyped! You're dog isn't about to starve to death.)
Now that you have everything you need we can finally begin! Put your big kid pants on and get up from your computer, we're about to feed our dogs together!
Step 1: Talk to Your Local Vet
Your dog may be starving right now but you can't just put any amount of food in front of their skinny faces! Be sure to discuss with your vet the amount of food your dog should be eating on a daily basis. You may run the risk of getting your dog taken away from you in its current bone demon state but it's worth it for your beautiful pet. Don't be afraid to ask questions, or throw some punches when animal control comes around.
Step 2: Assure Your Pet
This step may only be the second but it is the most important. Your dog hasn't seen dog food or a dog bowl in god knows how long, so you need to take the extra step to assimilate your pet. This may prove difficult at first but if you take your time and show your dog all the love we know you have for it, you should come out on the other side successful in your endeavors.
BE CAREFUL your dog probably has inner hatred that burns with the passion of a thousand suns, and ,good news, it's all directed at you. Try your best not to get your hands eaten.
Step 3: Your Precious Food Bowl
Now is the time to go out into your garage or attic to find that food bowl you're sure was righthere when you put it back. Be sure the food bowl relatively clean, we all now you can't afford another trip to the vet after what happened last time. You are going to want to take that bowl with you when you walk over to your dogs food and after you get there we get to move on to step four!
We're almost accomplished with our task! Just a few more steps and you can go back to watching Netflix.
Step 4: Measure Out the Food Quantity
Do you remember how much food the vet told you to feed your dog? Of course you don't! He was using terms you don't recognize like, "Get out of my office." and "I'm calling the cops.", and you just got lost in all the hubbub. That's perfectly fine! Maybe just throw out that measuring cup you never had in the first place and fill up your dogs bowl all the way to the top. (Bowl size doesn't matter.) This way you won't have to feed your dog as often.
Step 5: Place Your Food Bowl on the Ground
This step has to be the easiest and also hardest to truly master. Gracefully and carefully place your dogs food bowl (With food inside) on the ground where your dog can reach it. It may take you a couple times for you to really do this correctly and to the best of your ability but don't give up, your dog is counting on you.
Step 6: Add Treats If Needed
As mentioned before your dog hasn't seen a food bowl in a while and it may take some persuasion to get them to eat out of it. Grab some of that leftover pizza from last week and use it to entice your dog into eating out of its bowl. If you have attempted this many time with no progress, don't give up! We all know how much you love your pet and how much effort you will put into making sure they are as happy and healthy as possible.
Step 7: Watch Your Dog Eat
Your poor little doggie is starving! He may be eating up the food you gave him faster than you could put it on the ground! You want to make sure your dog isn't eating too fast as to not upset their stomach so just take some extra time to make sure your dog is eating correctly and safely.
No they didn't just put a new season of ''Orange is the new Black'' on Netflix; no you don't have to watch it right now.
Step 8: Pick Up the Dog Bowl
Now that your dog has devoured all the food you have given him and will most likely have to go to the emergency room soon, it's time to pick up your dog bowl. You already have trash from all your favorite fast food joints laying all around, you don't need something else to cluder up your living space. Make sure to place it somewhere you can get to it easily for whenever you feed your dog again in a week or five.
Step 9: Check on Your Dog
At this point your dog is going to be very grateful to you so it's safe to step a bit closer to him. While checking in on your dog ask yourself some questions;
- "Is my dog satisfied?"
- "Will I have to do this again?"
- "Can I just get back on the Internet again?"
The way you should know if your answers to all these questions is yes, your dog should slowly be inflating back to a healthy size. Yes that is how dogs work, I'm a professional I just know these things.*
*Disclaimer: If your dog doesn't immediately inflate, repeat steps 3-7 again until desired results are achieved.
Step 10: Get Back to You Time
You've done it! You have never seen your dog have this much energy before! Now that your dog is fed you can get back to you time. If you ever have trouble remembering all of the steps needed to feed your dog, please feel free to visit this page again.
Keep a lookout for more instruction sets written and tested by me like;
- What to do when your dog eats your baby
- How to get pet's urine stains out of carpet
- What to do when PETA targets you
I would like to thank you so much for reading my instruction set! Have a great day, and happy feeding.
** This instructables instruction set was written in the form of satire. Please feed your pets daily.
We have a be nice policy.
Please be positive and constructive.