Introduction: How to Tweet Porn
The popularity of Twitter's real-time publication platform has very rapidly transformed a data-rich communication medium (Teh Internetz) into a rapid-firing, text-based, publication tool akin to a high-tech telegraph. While on one hand it is useful to have a massive database of real-time, localized, data-sets, consisting primarily of useless social drivel, on the other hand it has yet to be effectively demonstrated as to why. The worst of it is that Twitter's posting restrictions have limited the communications of countless seemingly intelligent and talented individuals to a level of mental impairment and has also obscenely limited their ability to meaningfully express themselves and/or engage in sustained critical dialogue.
And let us take a moment as not to forget that pervasive digital publishing services don't just operate on electronic devices, but also drive the future development of said devices. The proliferation of Twitter will have a serious impact upon the future development of devices intended for real-time networked communications by undermining the value of a rich multimedia experience. This will limit the ability for mobile devices to share and publish images, audio and video. Most obvious, this will prevent the dissemination of the art form that prior to now unequivocally set technological standards - pornography.
Until recently, Twitter's unique platform has made it nearly impossible to engage in real-time transmission of pornographic images, setting technological advancement back decades. Yet, thanks to my own personal research and the development time of myself and known-pornovator Evan Harper, I present to you a methodology for using Twitter's stunted interface for sharing data-rich pornography, one pixel at a time. It is my hope that this will further the development of integrated data-rich content within Twitter's unique platform. Perhaps some day, the medium will advance to the point where we will be able to use Twitter to transmit girl-on-girl video in semaphore.
Follows are detailed instructions for you to share pornography in real-time, pixel by pixel, with your friends and family.
Step 1: Go Get Stuff
To get started you will need:
An Apple computer *****
A Twitter account
*****If you don't have an apple computer you will need to acquire:
1. A cocoa editor/compiler
Step 2: Download Some Files
If you are using OS X 10.4 or greater download the following:
Porn to Pixels v.2.0 compiled
If you are using any other operating system download the source and figure it out:
Porn to Pixels v.2.0 source
includes: Cocoa source code
requires: Nothing more
Porn to Pixels v.1.0 source
includes: Porn to Pixel C++ app, Twitter Some Porn Python script
requires: Python Twitter and PyGUI libraries (and related modules)
Step 3: Tastefully Acquire Pornography
Finding pornography on the internet is easier than you might think! All you need is a standard web browser and some old-fashioned know-how.
Open your web browser and go to a site called Google.com. Click on the link at the top of the site where it says "images" to access Google Image Search. On the Image search page select "advanced image search." Now, towards the bottom of the page there should be a menu item called "Safe Search." Toggle "Safe Search" to no "No Filtering" and click the "save" button. You should now be all set to find pornography on the internet.
All you need to do now is to return to the main Image Search page and type into the search bar the first name of any female in the western hemisphere and hit enter. This will load up a host of pornographic images for you to share. For instance, try typing in the names of some of your friends like "Lisa," "Anne" or even "Marie" (especially Marie!). Remember that time you had a waitress named "Simone?" Try typing that in! Wow! Look how easy it is to find pornography.
Once you have found some pornography, make certain it complies with all federal laws (such as US Code Title 18, 2257 in regards to proper record-keeping), and that you have permission to share it. After you are sure the image matches these criteria, right-click to save it to your computer.
Tip: To comply with normal pornography indexing standards, I recommend organizing your pornography in folders categorized by number of participants, ethnic origin, height, hair color and act(s) being performed.
Step 4: Begin Tweeting Pornography
Open your "Porn to Pixels" application and enter your username and password.
Click the load image button and select the image you would like to send.
To begin the process, simply click "Tweet Next Pixel."
From here on out, it will continue tweeting pixels until it reaches the end of the image. All you have to do is open the application and it will pick up wherever it left off the last time you had it open.
Step 5: Automate
Hold down on the program icon in the dock and select the option "Open at Login."
You will now be all set to start tweeting porn as soon as you log into your computer.