Picture of How to be AWESOME.
 This is a brief instructable on how to be awesome.  Being awesome is not an easy task, and there are many ways and situations to be awesome in.  Being awesome is not something you are born with, as in a God giving gift, but it's merely something you are because you choose to be.  How do I know this you ask?  Because I'm Awesome silly.  Now, let's venture into the world of awesome and see just how far off you are.

Step 1: Step 1. Own life

Picture of Step 1.  Own life
What does that mean to own life?  To own life means that you call the shots.  Nobody tells you how it is, they ask you how it is, and if it isn't, you tell them how it's going to be.  Once you build the confidence to be awesome, you will find yourself walking into every room as if you own it.  You won't wait for the bartender to ask what you want, you will look them in the eye and tell them exactly what you want with a swagger that demands it with mutual respect.  Remember, people only respect people that intimidate them, or respect them back, and you want the latter.   You earn or lose a persons respect the first time you speak with them, so head up, choose you're words wisely, look them in the face, and have it.  If you say something stupid or uneducated, then go home, stand in the corner, and think about what you've done.

Step 2: Step 2. Don't Be A Dolt.

Picture of Step 2.  Don't Be A Dolt.
When you come to my house, I may offer you a beer.  Once I give you a delicious beer, you will notice the lack of labeling on the bottle and inquire about it.  I will then begin to tell you that I brewed that beer myself, it's all natural, and it's just a hobby of mine.  Said person will be impressed by this, and even more impressive, is that you shrug it off like it's no big deal.  Meanwhile, it has taken me months of research on how to properly brew a real good home brew, which I made from hops that I grow myself, and with grains grown and imported from Germany.  If said person continues to inquire, it's because they are intrigued, impressed, and have a case of friendly jealousy, at this point, you get a strange feeling, and you realize, that the person across from is thinking about how awesome you are.   That's how you know you're awesome, not because you think so, but because people around you consistently think so, and you now see it.
The interesting part about this, is you need drive.  Beer brewing is minute example, (that's sounds like "Mine Noot" for you bonetards at home that said "Min it" in your head),  You must master everything in you're life, from being a lover, to what ever you do for work, to whatever you do as a hobby, and to any life situation that may arise.   This is what separates the awesome from the mundane.  You master life, you can make dry people laugh, you can make ugly people feel pretty, and you can scare people twice your size with just a whit of confident attitude.  Are you taking this in?  Maybe you should start taking notes...

Step 3: Step 3. Language

Picture of Step 3.  Language
Even if you don't consider yourself intelligent, you can make people think you are smarter beyond your years, that is, if you're lazy ass could take the time to learn 1 new word per day.  There is nothing that makes a person appear more intelligent, confident, impressive, intimidating, and savvy, than someone with an accomplished level of speaking and a solid command of their own language.  Take 1 minute everyday and learn a new word, and then make it your goal that day to use that new word, before you know it, you'll say something smarter than you ever thought would have come out of your own putrid mouth.  Instead of saying,"Wow, that sounds like you could make a lot of money doing something like that", you would say, "Interesting, that sounds like a lucrative venture".  Read those both back to yourself and picture what the person saying each statement looks like.  That's right, if you want to look awesome, you need to be awesome, and if you want to be awesome, you need the ability to speak awesome.  So go dive into some of that fancy book learnin' and see what surfaces,...YEE HAA!

Step 4: Step 4. Raise your standards (if needed)

Picture of Step 4.  Raise your standards (if needed)
 Raise your standards, what does that mean to you?  First off, cleanliness.  Cleanliness is such an important aspect of being awesome that I can't even begin to describe it.  There are so many aspects of cleanliness and you must master each of these pigpen.  You must live in a clean environment, this goes from the bathroom, to the kitchen, to the floors, to the closets, to the kitchen, to the outside of your domain, to your car, to under your armpit, and to the inside of you're grotesque mouth.  Mouthwash, soap, bleach, cleaners, candles, air fresheners, deodorant, cologne/perfume, and I can go on.  No person should ever have to smell your stinky house, your smelly McDonalds invested car, you're hot rotting mouth, or worse.  Be hygienic about every aspect of your life.  To make this easy, I'll start with your buttmouth.  People think that they brush their teeth twice a day, their good.  That's a BIG negative.  Here's how an awesome mouth, gets to be so awesome. 
1.  Go to the dentist regularly, plaque stinks, so do rotting teeth, get it done.
2.  Brush your teeth more than once a day pig.
3.  Floss after every meal that you can possibly floss after, I don't expect you to do this on a date, but if it's possible, do it.  
4.  Mouthwash, you can't possible clean your entire mouth with a toothbrush, so finish the job so you and the rest of your cronies will finally quit breathing hot garbage in my general direction.  
Now that seems like a lot, and that's simply your mouth, you need cleanliness to this detail in all aspects of your life.  It sucks, but is necessary, and will ultimately make you a healthier, more enviable person.
After you start to raise your standards, you'll realize that your house sucks, your car sucks, the places you dine suck, and your job sucks.  Once you realize that you want bigger and better things out of life is the moment you begin to actually own life.  Own life?  That's sounds familiar now does it?

Step 5: Step 5. Be Hilarious

Picture of Step 5. Be Hilarious
Everyone has their own humor, and can be uniquely comedic in their own right, but you have to find yours.  If you talk like Corky, you won't be able to pull of imitating a Dane Cook act and getting a laugh.  This happens for two reasons, 1. Dane Cook isn't funny, and 2., you are missing a 1 of something you should have 46 of.  The reality is that people enjoy being around funny, witty people.  You can't really be witty, unless you are funny, and you can't really be funny, unless you are witty.  When you find your humor, you will know it on the faces of people around you, and they will light up when they see you, knowing that laughs are shortly behind.  This is extremely important in the work place, and even more so on the dating scene.  A funny ugly man has more of shot getting the girl than a good looking dry man.  It's just a plain fact of life, people enjoy other people who make them laugh, and when your company is sought out, well my friend, you are on track to being awesome.

Step 6: Confidence is Key

Picture of Confidence is Key
If you don''t believe that you're awesome, guess what?  No one else will either.  If you don't believe in yourself, why would anyone else?  Believe it or not, but you exude how you feel to everyone else around you, so if you feel sheepish and nervous, it will show.  You must learn to put emotion inside you and show only what you want people to see.  If someone threatens you, and it really does frighten you, but you look them in the face and smile like you don't even care what they said, you will feel them cower before you, and that's what you want.  Not for people to cower in front of you, that's just an example, but you want people to think that nothing phases you, and then, in time, nothing will phase you, because you will own every situation that your'e in.  This is much harder than it sounds.  You need to be able to keep the same face whether someone is pointing a rubber band at your, or a gun.  Either way, you don't want a bullet to the eye, or a rubber band, but 99% of the time that someone points a gun at you, it's for intimidation purposes, and when you are not intimidated, the gun is therefore rendered worthless, all by the reaction you exude forth from yourself.  Now don't go getting your dumbass shot on my account, but never show anyone that they have gotten to you, and never, ever, lose your cool.  Just continue what you're doing, and acknowledge them at your leisure, what ever the situation may be.  Remember, confidence will flow out your pores when you have it, and your lack of it will show like your skin color whitey.

Step 7: Conclusion

Picture of Conclusion
So now you're saying to yourself, Damn, I'm not awesome at all, in fact, I smell inside and out.  Well now you have a solid guideline written by the Master of Awesomrey, who has a PHD in Awesomotry, and a minor in Awesomatics.  You can't get this stuff anywhere else, and well people, you can't make this stuff up either, sorry, but it's science.  
No go forth and be awesome, you all have it in you.  Remember, the first step to being awesome, is choosing to be awesome.  Grab life by the horns and OWN it, it's yours for the taking.... 
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WYN soldier5 months ago

Hell.. real advice.. It was about time. Thanks!

Bowen20021 year ago
Ths is awesome! Thanks!
Root Serv1 year ago
I Love This! :) IM AWSOME! lol
Subdood1 year ago
Advar1 year ago
$#!+, I needed that! Thanks! :)
Plo Koon2 years ago
clapping dude is funny
Killerelle3 years ago
There's a huuuge difference between being awesome and just being an arrogant prick. What was with all the 'pig' this and 'dumbass' that etc.? Just cause you could?
cailin...3 years ago
pretty amusing; funniest so far was response to "fartnocker." incidentally, down's is a trisomy, so you'd have an extra, not a lack of 1 chromosome. entertaining nonetheless.
zkiard4 years ago
seedsca5 years ago
A rant to the rant:
Life is not owned, it's lived.

I ALWAYS appreciate a good home brew. Nothing like it. However, what I might not appreciate is a constant barrage of holierthanthouisms while enjoying the delicious brew.

The inclusion/exclusion of words can make any fool sound like a genius or vice versa.

It factually is possible for a person to think they are awesome while at the same time be alone in that conclusion.

Good luck in your path to awesomeness. I hope it leads you to a life of happiness.
shmacky26 (author)  seedsca5 years ago
 I can see that my cleanliness rant may have offended your hippie ways.  Tis possible to be a hippie, and still smell good.  I swear.  

I am impressed by your love of the earth, hatred of what technology is doing to it, and I respect the fact that you will never forget the day the Challenger blew up.  
However, life is most certainly owned.  Life is lived in prisons and under cold bridges.  It is owned with hard work and clarity of harmony.  

Your lack of a college degree has a little bit of an inferior complex, but let that go, you are smarter than that.  

Enough of me, er, or rather, you.  Go back to your spring thoughts of what you're going to plant this year.

Being wrong is only an option, not a flipped coin.

That was awesome!
Polemic5 years ago
This is well written and funny!
shmacky26 (author)  Polemic5 years ago
 Ahhh, you are too kind.
fartnocker5 years ago
 well i do believe this is quite an intimidating speil on the forms of speaking.
lol if you do this you will be talking like yoda and say sompthing like "fell the intligence you must!"
shmacky26 (author)  fartnocker5 years ago
I only have questions at this point.
 Whit? You mean wit?
shmacky26 (author)  shaneomacmcgee5 years ago
 Funny you replied to this on the section titled "Don't be a dolt".  

 Wit, and Whit, are two different things.  One refers to smarts, as the other relates to size.  I use them both, apparently you believe they are to be the same thing.

 Actually, I misread. You don't need a comma between "Wit" and "and," though. :)
shmacky26 (author)  shaneomacmcgee5 years ago
 You misread is right.  And no, I don't, but guess what hero, I do want a comma there.  A comma represents a pause, as in, I am pausing to emphasize what is about to come next.  Here's an example.

You have a very, enormous nose.  I don't NEED that comma there,...I simply want it there.

Are you following this Shnaus?
 you remind me of donald trupm, everything has to be his way. i know this instructable is just a funny joke but its a good one. and if this instructable describes who you are and you are like this that your probably thinking that i think your awsome. i dont think that but i do enjoy reading this. 
you get five stars and a cookie
shmacky26 (author)  fartnocker5 years ago
 That was tough to follow, but I thank you in advance for the cookie, although I don't eat sweets, I drink them.
you showed me with this that i am more than awesome TYVM
lemonie5 years ago
Do you brew your own beer? And while you're expanding your vocabulary, it's important to spell words correctly, and use them appropriately (though there are few mistakes here)
I go in line with Biopyro, but it's not an awesome Instructable.
(And I don't get the use of images in steps 1, 3, 6 & 7?)

shmacky26 (author)  lemonie5 years ago
 Thank you for the grammar lesson, but I don't get paid, or graded on my writing, therefore, I save the proofreading for you knitpickers to hash out on your own.  And of course you don't get the images, and of course I brew my own beer.  

Don't be ridiculous.
Nit-pickers, "nits" being lice, esp. head-lice.

shmacky26 (author)  lemonie5 years ago
 Holy ballbags are you annoying, the internet makes you look real smart when you have the time to look it up eh?  You're meticulous, my better self tells me that you're a janitor, my worser self think things that aren't appropriate here, but for real, spare me the lessons, even though that was actual information, we are all dumber for having read it.  I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.  
~waiting for you to reply that "no" is not a numerical reference~
 LOL! I just got a similar post on mine from him. Admittedly, I sort of understand where he came from on mine, but he's just being annoying here.
shmacky26 (author)  Omni DIY5 years ago
 He's not a typical Homosapien, he comes from the variety scientifically known as the Douchess Maximus...
jdege shmacky265 years ago
If you can't be bothered to put in the effort to make sure what you write is easy to read, why should anyone else be bothered to put in the effort to read it?
shmacky26 (author)  jdege5 years ago
Where you choose to put forth your effort is not my concern, but if you like to talk about it we can keep going.  I'm here for you.
okoshima5 years ago
I can't read this instructable due to my own awesomeness, well that and you are a complete pile of steaming elephant placenta
shmacky26 (author)  okoshima5 years ago
Nice tattoo, it must be an original.  Elephant Placenta, really?  That's the best you could come up with?  
actually it was drawn by a friend of mine for the purpose of being permanently scarred onto my wrist so yes its original. and not even close to my best, but i dont see the point in wasting my talents on someone of your lower intelligence
shmacky26 (author)  okoshima5 years ago
 Oh, and before you give me the history of your dress up party costume, know that like the history of your tattoo,...no one cares :-)
shmacky26 (author)  okoshima5 years ago
 Maybe as a tribute to you, I'll make an instructable on how to put a tattoo meant for a catholic school girl on a mans wrist.  You should get a little pixie fairy in the background flying around the heart...

Or better yet, How bout this for a title, "Blue Tarp Jacket Makes Not So Cool Halloween Costume".  

There ya go, eat it.  It's both delicious and nutritious.  

Keep em comin Sally, I can do this all day long.

Or you could just be me... :)
shmacky26 (author)  bassclarinet235 years ago
 That's a big negative Whiskey Tango.  And Van Halen IS awesome, hey wait, did I say that?  Oops, sorry, that wasn't me, that was 1984 talking...
Ha ha.
tecneeq5 years ago
From one awesome peep to another: you are awesome indeed. I am known to be Großartig (wich is awesome in german) myself, i know how it is to be truly awesome.

The constant envy from the lower lifeforms, it's disgusting .... a disgrace really. Only few can be truly awesome and dominate their environment. I'm glad to be one of them. I glad you are.
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