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Picture of How to be Canadian
Ah Canada. Land of hockey, maple syrup, and beavers. If you feel a need to fit in perfectly just follow these simple instructions. It is guaranteed (or not) to help you blend in with the crowd.
 
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Step 1: How to build an igloo

Picture of How to build an igloo
Well the first thing that needs to be done is to make sure you have the proper house to live in and the only thing for that is an igloo!

1. Find a suitable piece of land that won't sink or collapse on you.

2. Cut blocks from dry, hard, snow using a snow saw (yes, these do exist). Each of these blocks should be 3 ft. long, 15 in. high, and 8 in. deep.

3.Form a circle with blocks around the hole created where you cut the blocks. Cut the circle in a spiral from the top of the last block to the ground ahead of the first block. This will make it easy to construct a dome.

4.Build up walls, overlapping the blocks and shaping them so that they lean inward. Cut a hole under the wall for the cold sink and entrance. Put several blocks along one wall as a sleeping platform.

5.The last block must initially be larger than the hole. Place the block on top of the igloo, then, from inside, shape and wiggle it to slot exactly into the hole.

6.Hot air from your body and stove rises and is trapped inside the dome. Cold air falls into the sink and flows away to the outside. It is essential to cut ventilation holes in the walls with an ice axe (those exist to).

7.Settle in for a cold, harsh, life.

Step 2: How to make Moose Roast

Picture of How to make Moose Roast
Since you're going to be living like a Canadian, you have the pleasure to eat one of our staple food sources so I've provided a tasty meal that will have all your neighbours asking for the recipe.

Moose Roast

- 4 lb moose meat
- Pepper to taste
- Celery salt to taste
- 2 garlic cloves
- 8 oz (piece) salt pork

Par boil the moose meat in 2 qts of water and 1 tb soda to eliminate the wild taste. Season the moose meat with the celery salt and pepper and place in a stock pot, adding the garlic, salt pork, and enough water to cover; Cook `til meat is tender, then drain reserving the pan juices. Place the meat in a roasting pan and top with the onions, roast at 350 degrees F. until brown, basting with the reserved juices. Thicken the remaining juices for gravy and serve over potatoes served with the moose roast.

Step 3: How to take care of your beer

Picture of How to take care of your beer
Everyone knows that Canadians love their beer, but you may not know how to take care of your stash. Here are some helpful hints to keep your beer tasting great.

Hint #1 – When you take your beer home, make sure you put it in the fridge or in the cellar (or just burry it in the snow). Changes in temperature are not good for beer – do not let it get warm, then cold, then warm, then cold etc.

Hint #2 – Serving temperature is equally as important. Lighter tasting beers need to be served colder because they are designed to be more refreshing. These beers should be served between 2-7ºC. Warmer temperatures will bring out more flavours. Ales, which usually are more robust and flavourful, should be served warmer – anywhere between 5-13ºC.

Hint #3 – The colder beer gets, the less flavour and aroma it has. If it gets below 1ºC, it may feel nice and cold but you could be in for some other issues. Carbon dioxide, when it gets cold, starts to compress and stays in the beer – meaning that you’ll get less foam, which means less aroma and you’ll get a surprise when the gas expands in your stomach as it warms up.

Step 4: How to compete in a Lumberjack competition.

Picture of How to compete in a Lumberjack competition.
The job you are most likely going to get is a lumberjack and you need to be in tip top shape to do this. That is what the lumberjack competitions are for.

Step 1:Understand that a lumberjack competitor uses many hours of hands-on practice to sharpen his skill with an ax and saw. Depending on competition goals (local, regional or national competitions) and time constraints, lumberjack training can be as time consuming as a full time job.

Step 2:Know the types of individual contests within a competition. The popular events are axe throwing, axe chopping, individual and team sawing, log rolling and pole climbing. Each contest has specific rules and regulations that must be followed to avoid disqualification.

Step 3:Realize that lumberjacks use specific tools to practice and compete. Axes with varying weights and size and saws geared toward practice and competition are necessary for the aspiring lumberjack.

Step 4:Find lumberjack competitions in your area or travel to a competition that interests you. Watch several competitions to get a feel for the contests that you'd like to participate in. Mingle with competitors and ask them questions about how to become a lumberjack.

Step 5:Practice for the contests you'd like to enter. Your size doesn't matter as much as the skill that you obtain. A small, skilled lumberjack can outmatch a burly, unskilled lumberjack.

Step 5: How to talk Canadian

Picture of How to talk Canadian
Eh, so, eh, you want to, eh, talk like, eh, a canadian, eh. These, eh, are some terms, eh, that you might, eh, want to, eh, learn about. EH!!


ABM, bank machine: a common term for an automated teller machine. Short for automated bank machine.

Canuck: A slang term for "Canadian" in the U.S. and Canada. It sometimes means "French Canadian" in particular, especially when used in the Northeast of the United States and in Canada. Adopted as the name of the National Hockey League team in Vancouver.

deke: A word derived from decoy and used to decribe a fake or feint intended to deceive a defensive player, often drawing that player out of position, usually in hockey, as in "I deked him out and scored."

double-double: a cup of coffee from Tim Horton's with two creams and two sugars

eh: a spoken interjection to ascertain the comprehension, continued interest, agreement, etc., of the person or persons addressed ("That was a good game last night, eh?"). May also be used instead of "huh?" or "what?" meaning "please repeat or say again."

garburator: a garbage disposal unit located beneath the drain of a kitchen sink.

homo milk: homogenized milk, particularly with a fat content greater than 2%, usually 3.25%. Referred to in the U.S. as whole milk.

hydro: (except Alberta, Saskatchewan, and the Maritimes) commonly as a synonym for electrical service. Many Canadian provincial electric companies generate power from hydroelectricity, and incorporate the term "Hydro" in their names: Toronto Hydro, Hydro Ottawa, etc. Hence hydrofield, a line of electricity transmission towers, usually in groups cutting across a city, and hydro lines/poles, electrical transmission lines/poles.

joe job: a low-class, low-paying job.

Kokanee: British Columbian name for a species of land-locked salmon (accent on first syllable). Also the name of a popular beer made in the Kootenay district, also known as "Blue Cocaine."
Kraft Dinner: Kraft macaroni and cheese.

loonie: Canadian one dollar coin. Derived from the use of the loon on the reverse.

lumber jacket: A thick flannel jackeolett either red and black or green and black favoured by blue collar workers and heavy metal/grunge afficinados.

Newfie, Newf: A colloquial, often derisive term used to describe one who is from Newfoundland and Labrador. Historically used with light humour in "Newfie Jokes", similar to "Dumb Blonde Jokes". Use of the word is now considered to be offensive and in very bad taste.

parkade: a parking garage, especially in the West.

pencil crayon: coloured pencil.

pickerel: This is a slang word for walleye.

pop: the common name for soft drinks or soda pop.

regular: used to denote a coffee with one cream, one sugar ("I'll have two double doubles and a regular")

runners: running shoes, sneakers, especially in Central Canada.

toonie: Canadian two dollar coin. Modelled after loonie (q.v.). Also spelled tooney, twooney, twoonie, twonie, or twoney

tuque: a knitted winter hat, often with a pompon on the crown.

Step 6: How to treat frostbite

Picture of How to treat frostbite
Well, you pretty much learned how to live as a Canadian but there is one important skill you have to learn if you want to survive. I mean it is to be cold all year long even in the summer so you have high chances you're going to be frostbitten before to long.

1.First, call for help.

2.Keep the affected part elevated in order to reduce swelling .

3.Move to a warm area to prevent further heat loss.

4.Remove all constrictive jewelry and clothes because they may further block blood flow.

5.Give the person warm, nonalcoholic, noncaffeinated fluids to drink.

6.Apply a dry, sterile bandage, place cotton between any involved fingers or toes (to prevent rubbing), and take the person to a medical facility as soon as possible.

7.Never rewarm an affected area if there is any chance it may freeze again. This thaw-refreeze cycle is very harmful and leads to disastrous results.

8.Also, avoid a gradual thaw either in the field or in the transport vehicle. The most effective method is to rewarm the area quickly. Therefore, keep the injured part away from sources of heat until you arrive at a treatment facility where proper rewarming can take place.

9.Do not rub the frozen area with snow (or anything else, for that matter). The friction created by this technique will only cause further tissue damage.

10.The final amount of tissue destruction is proportional to the time it remains frozen, not to the absolute temperature to which it was exposed. Therefore, rapid transport to a hospital is very important.
Notbob6 years ago
The things that shocks me the most about this 'ible, is that you HAVE NOT MENTIONED HOCKEY! I am Canadian, and I'm amazed theres nothing talking about hockey in here!! We're beer swelling hockey nuts, not lumber jacks.

Eh?

mysterygirl154 (author)  Notbob6 years ago
Im sorry I have shamed canadians everywhere, I know nothing about hockey :o
They don't say Eh alot either, My best friend lives in Canada and she told me, and they all don't like hockey, some don't and basketball also originated there from what I hear also. So please don't steriotype, I strongly dislike people that do that.
*Gasp!*
beer swilling, moose eating, coffee drinking, puck shooting, tree chopping Canucks! And yes, I proudly fall into the above category. ~adamvan2000
I want to be Canadian now=) And I believe I'm fully prepared... Great 'ible!
patatarium8 months ago
Your not a canadian

What...Nothing about saying "ah-boot", learning to love Rush music, and thinking of Don Cherry as your beloved, often right, but sometimes slightly embarrassing uncle?

One time, when we were cutting down a tree, we made pancakes and used real maple syrup, not log cabin or mrs. butterworths. It was Good.
Come on over to our sugar bush. There's plenty to share and you are welcome :0)
Canadian122 years ago
Lol, wanna be Canadian? Live there and play hockey :)
JTomM1293 years ago
Guess only we depraved USA types who would think of it but you can remove your tongue from the flagpole by pissing on it Warm urin at 98.6 deg.).
ilpug3 years ago
I went to Canada once. It seemed like America, basically, but with a lot more pretty countryside, small restaurants, good food, nice people, and health.
freewheel3 years ago
Would it be cool if I used your lumberjack image for a product label I'm putting together? It's really a great image!
finnrambo4 years ago
lol this instructable was so obviously not written by a canadian....
Screamo4 years ago
Are you canadian mystergirl? DONT SPREAD THA CANADIAN SECRETZ!
Cheezpaper5 years ago
Mysterygirl, why must you offend me so?
the best way to be canadian or fit in is live there, but i guess it depends.
with the new president i might move to canada, my uncle was in canada and he said he got mad because people dont respect the flag he was at a game and he saw people light the flag on fire yelling go canada.
i think obamas awesome all are prime minster does is waste tim
Barack Obama pwns Stephen Harper.
Stephenn Harper couldn't empty a boot full of water if the instructions were on the bottom, unless of course the bush administration told him to, he's a headless chicken right now...
i aggree cmpletlt
so do i and im canadian
Second Cup is held in a vat all day: I remember the olden days( '90s) when Second Cup was good! Timmies (yes, in Atlantic Canada it's just "Tim's" or "Timmies") is right ashy (right: really) but brewed on the spot. Just try getting it black, no sugar, though: you'd swear you had two heads under that toque (Candian Tire's flyer spells it that way, not "tuque": if you don't know CT, there's no hope for 'ya to be a Canadjan, Eh?)
Around here we also call Tim Horton's "Timmy Ho's".
Really? You must be "From Away"! Of course, you can just say "gettin' some coffee" & it'll be assumed.
DorkDude5 years ago
Woot. Love Canada
Nice instructable.
TaylorTech5 years ago
How could you! You forgot Hoser and Hose-Head! Oh well, love the instructable!
Nice post, you forgot to mention one of the most important parts "How to say sorry". When I was recently in China one of the Chinese people we were traveling with laughed when we asked how to say sorry in Chinese, he said "You really are Canadian aren't you, so far thats been one of the first things you people ask".

On a different note I figured I'd provide a photo that perpetuates the igloo stereotype, this was shot in my backyard back in Dec of '06.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/jphphotography/2793378079/
We called it "Pimp My Igloo : Surviving a Saskatchewan Winter In Style"
Me thinks igloo building is worthy of an ible!
geekazoid5 years ago
five stars, just cause im canadian
H-Sama5 years ago
You forgot to mention Bob and Doug Macenzie. Our gods.
aceLED5 years ago
im Canadian the only thing ive truly done out of any of those is drink Molson canadian and treat frost bite (i wondered about 8 hours through one of the cornfields in my area after my quad broke down and had to walk back )
If any of you pore , sensitive souls wanna be truly offended , Check out Skunkbaits 'ible " How to recognize hillbillys" !! Right up there with Jeff Foxworthy's " You might be a redneck if..." stand up routine !!!
As a fellow CANADIAN I am shamed that you forgot we ride beavers to work EH! And that we J-Walk ALL THE TIME Because we can get patched up by FREE Healthcare... And you forgot the Triple Triple coffee
TekGremlin6 years ago
As a Canadian I find this pretty funny, and am amazed anyone is offended. For those of you who think this is making fun of Canadians you are either not really a Canadian or out of touch. If this article makes fun of anybody it is Americans.
Sadly, it seems to be all too accurate the further south ya go. I've been chatting with people from the southern-er parts of the continental US and been able to convince them that yes, we drive dogsleds to work, and it's hard having to chip the ice off the sleds in the morning before we even get our timmie's. ~adamvan2000
Yeah, I agree. Hilarious!
i went to a footbal game and us tems came to canada and they had a sign saying welcome to canada eh
. Then, as an American, I am offended. I'm not sure what I'm offended by - I thought it was pretty funny, too - but I'm definitely offended. Blame Canada! <snicker>
If the frostbite is due to sticking one's tongue to a flagpole, afraid no-one can help you!
Speaking as a real-life Canadian, why the heck'd ya wanna get rid of the wild taste: that's why ya go ta all the trouble ta get moose meat ta begin with, Eh? Moose don't grow on trees ya'know! (Not directly, anyhow.) Seriously, very lean: You want to brown it in some oil before roasting...
<--- Canadian ;)

Yay canada!!! The Tim hortons tips are *very* important lol. There's a "timmies"/"timmy hoes" on every corner.
gumby3226 years ago
Had to speak up' Dont forget $5/gallon gas, $10 for smokes, $45 for 40oz of rye, 30% over charge on any thing that can be bought in the USA. But FREE HEALTH CARE!
we use liters not gallons you american. follow the rest of the world, get with the program and go METRIC!
i prefer cm mm over inches . its so hard to figure 3/8 of inch when making model rockets
cm and mm ARE metric lol.
qballcat6 years ago
why is every one freaking out? im 100% canadian and i dont care. its called HUMOR! need help? # wit: a message whose ingenuity or verbal skill or incongruity has the power to evoke laughter # the trait of appreciating (and being able to express) the humorous; "she didn't appreciate my humor"; "you can't survive in the army without a sense of humor" # temper: a characteristic (habitual or relatively temporary) state of feeling; "whether he praised or cursed me depended on his temper at the time"; "he was in a bad humor" # the quality of being funny; "I fail to see the humor in it"
shveet6 years ago
TIMIES FTW!!! i love tim hortons coffee :D its awsum...next to secound cup :P
mage6 years ago
blasphamy, im half-canadian and i know as a fact that for the most part we are not shacked up in igloos. in fact over 95% of the population lives within a couple hundred miles of the american border where it stays nice and mild
kelseymh mage6 years ago
That's just because you all want to be close to your smarter brother :-P
Actually if it wasn't for Canada, the United States wouldn't even exsist.
If it weren't for Canda, the U.S. would be a lot bigger -- Fifty-four Forty or Fight! :-) I'm half-Canadian, and have always described Vancouver as, "a lot like San Francisco, except nice."
Oooooo! Win!
FAIL How come you keep importing us into the US to do your engineering jobs then? {/ sigh Yep, I'm a Canadian... I'll have 3 citizenship's in 18 months.. I'm collecting them like hockey cards. ;p
paulm6 years ago
very poor taste... im allowed to say that because this instructible violates the be nice policy to begin with
mysterygirl154 (author)  paulm6 years ago
My god people its HUMOUR read the comments. I AM CANADIAN.
Well you don't respect your country do you? And im a newfoundlander. Go Newfies and if your a Newfie let me know!! Rock of the Rock Oz Fm
bumpus6 years ago
Just saying.. I find some of this derogatory, and stereotypical. Not all Canadians are Igloo-living, Moose-eating, Beer swelling, Lumberjacks. I just hate those stereotypes. Although you have included instructions on how to make an igloo, how to cook moose, and treat frost bite, I still find this offensive that you have linked those instructions to Canadians in general. But thats my opinion. .
Kiteman bumpus6 years ago
How is a Pennsylvanian offended by a Canadian making fun of Canadian stereotypes?

I don't recall you ever being offended by equally-humorous comments I have made about stereotypical Americans, nor I by others' comments about Brits.
bumpus Kiteman6 years ago
That Pennsylvanian is actually a dual citizen, having been born in Canada, and living there for 10 years, I've had my fair share of put downs. And yes, I may come across as a hypocrite, but I stated it was my opinion, and it is what it is.
Kiteman bumpus6 years ago
I always thought dual citizenship was a bit odd, I mean, make up your mind! I see where you're coming from, though.
My mom was Candian and my dad was an American (still is really) I am a dual citizen due to my mother, I really don't have a way of "making up my mind" I am by birth a dual citizen, although I have never applied for the paperwork to become a dual citizen.
bumpus Kiteman6 years ago
Yeah, my mom was American, and my dad was Canadian, so I'm a dual citizen, same with my sister.
woomyse6 years ago
It's a toque. I've never seen it spelled 'tuque'; funny thing is that the spell check has underlined tuque but not toque.
mysterygirl154 (author)  woomyse6 years ago
some things are spelt in different ways just like "humor" and "humour"
kelseymh6 years ago
You didn't even mention Curling! The only thing on the CBC, all day Saturday (even in bloody July) is Curling. I can't tell you how, er, excited I got watching that giant suppository slide gracefully down the ice, slowly, slowly...slow...ly.....
scafool6 years ago
The final 3 steps for a jouneyman Canadian is to move to the USA, become a millionaire working their entertaiment industry, and then retire in California or Florida.
mysterygirl154 (author) 6 years ago
I was thinking of doing other countries stereoypes but I'm afraid that be more offensive since I'm not actually from the other countries and people might think I'm actually making fun of them.
do Turkey!if you want ill help with it,im a turkish resident
turk robot.gif
Derin6 years ago
TR FTW
turk robot.gif
you forgot one thing. To fit in as a canadian you have to nearly constantly complain about Americans & the United States....it's foreign policies, its crime, & just about everything american. You arent a true canadian if you arent putting down americans & american culture. ;)
i hate us but im not gonna be canadian
TURKEY 4 LIFE
and im wrapping up with this image that i use when i want people to like Turkey
bottom line:

turk robot.gif
SerialATA6 years ago
Honestly, being a Canadian, I found some of this so misinforming to be offensive. You butcher Canadian slang in one section.. For example, Newfies actually call themselves Newfies. It is not insulting in the slightest.
mysterygirl154 (author)  SerialATA6 years ago
actually it can be very offensive to some
kps6 years ago
What you need to know about the loonie is that it was originally intended to have the same canoe design as Canada's traditional (formerly silver) dollar coin. The design was changed at the last minute when the original master dies were lost (or 'lost') in shipping. As for the two dollar coin, I had hoped it would be called the doubloon... but no. Loonie toonie is more appropriate to Canadian culture anyway.
loonie.jpgvoyageur.jpg
chuckr446 years ago
Yah, eh. Don't they have pasties up there? I mean to eat?
jdege6 years ago
All you have to do to be Canadian is spell "Analyze" with a zed.
you guys are real morons, im canadian and you all must be to stupid to realize that this is a sarcastic instructable on canadians. It is supposed to be stereotypical. so learn to have a sense of humor, and if some of you were canadian, you should have a good sense of humor and intellect
rofl! "arealcanadian"!
V-Man7376 years ago
Now who on earth made up that tripe about rubbing frostbite with snow?!? I bet it was made up as some kind of ancient-humor-practical-joke or something.
Holey Moley, I can't believe you wrote this! At least you did not write about quebecers. I live in Quebec (montreal) It is not that bad...
I love our Canadian stereotypes!! Great instructable, i got a good laugh out of it :P You forgot to mention how to ride a dog sled to school everyday :)
tiuk6 years ago
You should add "you must love Don Cherry". One of my friends the other day announced that she hated him and we revoked her citizenship on the spot.
CameronSS6 years ago
You'll probably piss off a lot of Canadians with this, but oh well. it's funny anyway.
tiuk CameronSS6 years ago
We don't get pissed off over stupid stuff like that, we're not Americans (ohh snap ;)). Seriously though, this is stuff that we make fun of amongst ourselves all the time.
I really don't think any of us would find this offensive, we like to laugh at ourselves. Perhaps mysterygirl154 can add that tothe instructable. "How to make fun of ourselves".
Yah, I thought it was pretty funny, if you're offended then you need to learn to laugh at yourself. Everyone on the Internet is hating on the US, so you kinda become desensitized to it. You don't try not to offend people, you just hate on them non stop until they don't care anymore :P It's like, "Go ride your buffalo to McDonalds and have a couple dozen more Big Macs you capitalist pig!" and I'm like, "lol, k"
*Pissed* >:(
mysterygirl154 (author) 6 years ago
I am in fact canadian and I was making fun of all the stereotypes.
Bongmaster6 years ago
before you go bonkers and post "omg!1 i h8t uze canadia h8ter" see it in the light it was intended coming from a Canadian.. (not me, the auther..)
Kiteman6 years ago
Outstanding!

I've seen Canadians getting a lot of stick on US TV, it's good to see at least one with a genuine sense of humour.

I'd like to think that this will be the first in a wave of How to be My Nationality ibles.
Stereotypical and completely untrue, yet very funny. At the outset I was upset, but really it's just funny.
smak50006 years ago
well then... umm tagged as inappropriate and I was going to quote the most offensive part but the entire thing is extremely off colour and I would hope that it gets removed. please do not post any more of your hate filled propaganda
I don't believe that this was intended to be "hate-filled propaganda," since the author is Canadian herself. Rather, it is a humorous listing of the stereotypes regarding Canadians.
ac1D CameronSS6 years ago
Im canadians. French canadians. I love the instructables.
I deleted my last comment because it was made while I was angry. That in itself explains how I as a Canadian feel about this Instructable.
Gypsyman6 years ago
you forgot to add the step on how to be controlled and except bribes from motorcycle gangs.