Instructables
Picture of How to be Canadian
Ah Canada. Land of hockey, maple syrup, and beavers. If you feel a need to fit in perfectly just follow these simple instructions. It is guaranteed (or not) to help you blend in with the crowd.

Step 1: How to build an igloo

Well the first thing that needs to be done is to make sure you have the proper house to live in and the only thing for that is an igloo!

1. Find a suitable piece of land that won't sink or collapse on you.

2. Cut blocks from dry, hard, snow using a snow saw (yes, these do exist). Each of these blocks should be 3 ft. long, 15 in. high, and 8 in. deep.

3.Form a circle with blocks around the hole created where you cut the blocks. Cut the circle in a spiral from the top of the last block to the ground ahead of the first block. This will make it easy to construct a dome.

4.Build up walls, overlapping the blocks and shaping them so that they lean inward. Cut a hole under the wall for the cold sink and entrance. Put several blocks along one wall as a sleeping platform.

5.The last block must initially be larger than the hole. Place the block on top of the igloo, then, from inside, shape and wiggle it to slot exactly into the hole.

6.Hot air from your body and stove rises and is trapped inside the dome. Cold air falls into the sink and flows away to the outside. It is essential to cut ventilation holes in the walls with an ice axe (those exist to).

7.Settle in for a cold, harsh, life.
 
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What...Nothing about saying "ah-boot", learning to love Rush music, and thinking of Don Cherry as your beloved, often right, but sometimes slightly embarrassing uncle?

Notbob5 years ago
The things that shocks me the most about this 'ible, is that you HAVE NOT MENTIONED HOCKEY! I am Canadian, and I'm amazed theres nothing talking about hockey in here!! We're beer swelling hockey nuts, not lumber jacks.
mysterygirl154 (author)  Notbob5 years ago
Im sorry I have shamed canadians everywhere, I know nothing about hockey :o
They don't say Eh alot either, My best friend lives in Canada and she told me, and they all don't like hockey, some don't and basketball also originated there from what I hear also. So please don't steriotype, I strongly dislike people that do that.
*Gasp!*
beer swilling, moose eating, coffee drinking, puck shooting, tree chopping Canucks! And yes, I proudly fall into the above category. ~adamvan2000
One time, when we were cutting down a tree, we made pancakes and used real maple syrup, not log cabin or mrs. butterworths. It was Good.
Come on over to our sugar bush. There's plenty to share and you are welcome :0)
Canadian121 year ago
Lol, wanna be Canadian? Live there and play hockey :)
JTomM1292 years ago
Guess only we depraved USA types who would think of it but you can remove your tongue from the flagpole by pissing on it Warm urin at 98.6 deg.).
ilpug2 years ago
I went to Canada once. It seemed like America, basically, but with a lot more pretty countryside, small restaurants, good food, nice people, and health.
freewheel3 years ago
Would it be cool if I used your lumberjack image for a product label I'm putting together? It's really a great image!
finnrambo3 years ago
lol this instructable was so obviously not written by a canadian....
Screamo4 years ago
Are you canadian mystergirl? DONT SPREAD THA CANADIAN SECRETZ!
Cheezpaper4 years ago
Mysterygirl, why must you offend me so?
the best way to be canadian or fit in is live there, but i guess it depends.
with the new president i might move to canada, my uncle was in canada and he said he got mad because people dont respect the flag he was at a game and he saw people light the flag on fire yelling go canada.
i think obamas awesome all are prime minster does is waste tim
Barack Obama pwns Stephen Harper.
Stephenn Harper couldn't empty a boot full of water if the instructions were on the bottom, unless of course the bush administration told him to, he's a headless chicken right now...
i aggree cmpletlt
so do i and im canadian
Second Cup is held in a vat all day: I remember the olden days( '90s) when Second Cup was good! Timmies (yes, in Atlantic Canada it's just "Tim's" or "Timmies") is right ashy (right: really) but brewed on the spot. Just try getting it black, no sugar, though: you'd swear you had two heads under that toque (Candian Tire's flyer spells it that way, not "tuque": if you don't know CT, there's no hope for 'ya to be a Canadjan, Eh?)
Around here we also call Tim Horton's "Timmy Ho's".
Really? You must be "From Away"! Of course, you can just say "gettin' some coffee" & it'll be assumed.
DorkDude5 years ago
Woot. Love Canada
Nice instructable.
TaylorTech5 years ago
How could you! You forgot Hoser and Hose-Head! Oh well, love the instructable!
Nice post, you forgot to mention one of the most important parts "How to say sorry". When I was recently in China one of the Chinese people we were traveling with laughed when we asked how to say sorry in Chinese, he said "You really are Canadian aren't you, so far thats been one of the first things you people ask".

On a different note I figured I'd provide a photo that perpetuates the igloo stereotype, this was shot in my backyard back in Dec of '06.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/jphphotography/2793378079/
We called it "Pimp My Igloo : Surviving a Saskatchewan Winter In Style"
Me thinks igloo building is worthy of an ible!
geekazoid5 years ago
five stars, just cause im canadian
H-Sama5 years ago
You forgot to mention Bob and Doug Macenzie. Our gods.
aceLED5 years ago
im Canadian the only thing ive truly done out of any of those is drink Molson canadian and treat frost bite (i wondered about 8 hours through one of the cornfields in my area after my quad broke down and had to walk back )
If any of you pore , sensitive souls wanna be truly offended , Check out Skunkbaits 'ible " How to recognize hillbillys" !! Right up there with Jeff Foxworthy's " You might be a redneck if..." stand up routine !!!
As a fellow CANADIAN I am shamed that you forgot we ride beavers to work EH! And that we J-Walk ALL THE TIME Because we can get patched up by FREE Healthcare... And you forgot the Triple Triple coffee
TekGremlin5 years ago
As a Canadian I find this pretty funny, and am amazed anyone is offended. For those of you who think this is making fun of Canadians you are either not really a Canadian or out of touch. If this article makes fun of anybody it is Americans.
Sadly, it seems to be all too accurate the further south ya go. I've been chatting with people from the southern-er parts of the continental US and been able to convince them that yes, we drive dogsleds to work, and it's hard having to chip the ice off the sleds in the morning before we even get our timmie's. ~adamvan2000
Yeah, I agree. Hilarious!
i went to a footbal game and us tems came to canada and they had a sign saying welcome to canada eh
. Then, as an American, I am offended. I'm not sure what I'm offended by - I thought it was pretty funny, too - but I'm definitely offended. Blame Canada! <snicker>
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and did you know that Canadians destroyed and "created" the white house? its because of Canada that america exists.
not exactly. America would not go completely unstable-er without a whitehouse.
and your gavernment would be crapi-ier or... possibly a bit better without it. haha who knows. well see when are world goes into chaos.
Yes, and when the zombies do come. I'll be ready...
yay zombies.... dibs on being a survivor with a mini nuke and a shotgun
awww...You took the good option... I call dibs on being a survivor with a flame thrower and a bunker with thick steel walls, air condiction, heater, thick bullet proof windows, mini fridge, weapon stash full of ammo and a crafe full of water bottles, canned food and car fuel.
haha i like your idea better but hell i think i was playing toomuch fallout3 and left4dead oO. just make shure you dont get over powerd by zombie mobs!
Where's my boomstick when I need it... Hail to the King, baby! ;O) ~adamvan2000
mysterygirl154 (author)  shveet5 years ago
Don't worry I already think our government is useless
haha nice.
I don't think so
I guess so
Hehe. Sweet revenge! Ahh, the joys of the War of 1812.
If the frostbite is due to sticking one's tongue to a flagpole, afraid no-one can help you!
Speaking as a real-life Canadian, why the heck'd ya wanna get rid of the wild taste: that's why ya go ta all the trouble ta get moose meat ta begin with, Eh? Moose don't grow on trees ya'know! (Not directly, anyhow.) Seriously, very lean: You want to brown it in some oil before roasting...
<--- Canadian ;)

Yay canada!!! The Tim hortons tips are *very* important lol. There's a "timmies"/"timmy hoes" on every corner.
gumby3226 years ago
Had to speak up' Dont forget $5/gallon gas, $10 for smokes, $45 for 40oz of rye, 30% over charge on any thing that can be bought in the USA. But FREE HEALTH CARE!
we use liters not gallons you american. follow the rest of the world, get with the program and go METRIC!
i prefer cm mm over inches . its so hard to figure 3/8 of inch when making model rockets
cm and mm ARE metric lol.
qballcat5 years ago
why is every one freaking out? im 100% canadian and i dont care. its called HUMOR! need help? # wit: a message whose ingenuity or verbal skill or incongruity has the power to evoke laughter # the trait of appreciating (and being able to express) the humorous; "she didn't appreciate my humor"; "you can't survive in the army without a sense of humor" # temper: a characteristic (habitual or relatively temporary) state of feeling; "whether he praised or cursed me depended on his temper at the time"; "he was in a bad humor" # the quality of being funny; "I fail to see the humor in it"
shveet5 years ago
TIMIES FTW!!! i love tim hortons coffee :D its awsum...next to secound cup :P
mage6 years ago
blasphamy, im half-canadian and i know as a fact that for the most part we are not shacked up in igloos. in fact over 95% of the population lives within a couple hundred miles of the american border where it stays nice and mild
kelseymh mage5 years ago
That's just because you all want to be close to your smarter brother :-P
Actually if it wasn't for Canada, the United States wouldn't even exsist.
If it weren't for Canda, the U.S. would be a lot bigger -- Fifty-four Forty or Fight! :-) I'm half-Canadian, and have always described Vancouver as, "a lot like San Francisco, except nice."
Oooooo! Win!
FAIL How come you keep importing us into the US to do your engineering jobs then? {/ sigh Yep, I'm a Canadian... I'll have 3 citizenship's in 18 months.. I'm collecting them like hockey cards. ;p
paulm5 years ago
very poor taste... im allowed to say that because this instructible violates the be nice policy to begin with
mysterygirl154 (author)  paulm5 years ago
My god people its HUMOUR read the comments. I AM CANADIAN.
Well you don't respect your country do you? And im a newfoundlander. Go Newfies and if your a Newfie let me know!! Rock of the Rock Oz Fm
bumpus6 years ago
Just saying.. I find some of this derogatory, and stereotypical. Not all Canadians are Igloo-living, Moose-eating, Beer swelling, Lumberjacks. I just hate those stereotypes. Although you have included instructions on how to make an igloo, how to cook moose, and treat frost bite, I still find this offensive that you have linked those instructions to Canadians in general. But thats my opinion. .
Kiteman bumpus6 years ago
How is a Pennsylvanian offended by a Canadian making fun of Canadian stereotypes?

I don't recall you ever being offended by equally-humorous comments I have made about stereotypical Americans, nor I by others' comments about Brits.
bumpus Kiteman6 years ago
That Pennsylvanian is actually a dual citizen, having been born in Canada, and living there for 10 years, I've had my fair share of put downs. And yes, I may come across as a hypocrite, but I stated it was my opinion, and it is what it is.
Kiteman bumpus6 years ago
I always thought dual citizenship was a bit odd, I mean, make up your mind! I see where you're coming from, though.
My mom was Candian and my dad was an American (still is really) I am a dual citizen due to my mother, I really don't have a way of "making up my mind" I am by birth a dual citizen, although I have never applied for the paperwork to become a dual citizen.
bumpus Kiteman6 years ago
Yeah, my mom was American, and my dad was Canadian, so I'm a dual citizen, same with my sister.
woomyse5 years ago
It's a toque. I've never seen it spelled 'tuque'; funny thing is that the spell check has underlined tuque but not toque.
mysterygirl154 (author)  woomyse5 years ago
some things are spelt in different ways just like "humor" and "humour"
kelseymh5 years ago
You didn't even mention Curling! The only thing on the CBC, all day Saturday (even in bloody July) is Curling. I can't tell you how, er, excited I got watching that giant suppository slide gracefully down the ice, slowly, slowly...slow...ly.....
scafool5 years ago
The final 3 steps for a jouneyman Canadian is to move to the USA, become a millionaire working their entertaiment industry, and then retire in California or Florida.
CameronSS6 years ago
You'll probably piss off a lot of Canadians with this, but oh well. it's funny anyway.
*Pissed* >:(
Rmg12 bumpus5 years ago
(removed by author or community request)
bumpus Rmg125 years ago
Thanks, I never knew that.
tiuk CameronSS6 years ago
We don't get pissed off over stupid stuff like that, we're not Americans (ohh snap ;)). Seriously though, this is stuff that we make fun of amongst ourselves all the time.
I really don't think any of us would find this offensive, we like to laugh at ourselves. Perhaps mysterygirl154 can add that tothe instructable. "How to make fun of ourselves".
Yah, I thought it was pretty funny, if you're offended then you need to learn to laugh at yourself. Everyone on the Internet is hating on the US, so you kinda become desensitized to it. You don't try not to offend people, you just hate on them non stop until they don't care anymore :P It's like, "Go ride your buffalo to McDonalds and have a couple dozen more Big Macs you capitalist pig!" and I'm like, "lol, k"
mysterygirl154 (author) 6 years ago
I was thinking of doing other countries stereoypes but I'm afraid that be more offensive since I'm not actually from the other countries and people might think I'm actually making fun of them.
do Turkey!if you want ill help with it,im a turkish resident
turk robot.gif
Derin6 years ago
TR FTW
turk robot.gif
you forgot one thing. To fit in as a canadian you have to nearly constantly complain about Americans & the United States....it's foreign policies, its crime, & just about everything american. You arent a true canadian if you arent putting down americans & american culture. ;)
i hate us but im not gonna be canadian
TURKEY 4 LIFE
and im wrapping up with this image that i use when i want people to like Turkey
bottom line:

turk robot.gif
SerialATA6 years ago
Honestly, being a Canadian, I found some of this so misinforming to be offensive. You butcher Canadian slang in one section.. For example, Newfies actually call themselves Newfies. It is not insulting in the slightest.
mysterygirl154 (author)  SerialATA6 years ago
actually it can be very offensive to some
kps6 years ago
What you need to know about the loonie is that it was originally intended to have the same canoe design as Canada's traditional (formerly silver) dollar coin. The design was changed at the last minute when the original master dies were lost (or 'lost') in shipping. As for the two dollar coin, I had hoped it would be called the doubloon... but no. Loonie toonie is more appropriate to Canadian culture anyway.
loonie.jpgvoyageur.jpg
chuckr446 years ago
Yah, eh. Don't they have pasties up there? I mean to eat?
jdege6 years ago
All you have to do to be Canadian is spell "Analyze" with a zed.
you guys are real morons, im canadian and you all must be to stupid to realize that this is a sarcastic instructable on canadians. It is supposed to be stereotypical. so learn to have a sense of humor, and if some of you were canadian, you should have a good sense of humor and intellect
rofl! "arealcanadian"!
V-Man7376 years ago
Now who on earth made up that tripe about rubbing frostbite with snow?!? I bet it was made up as some kind of ancient-humor-practical-joke or something.
Holey Moley, I can't believe you wrote this! At least you did not write about quebecers. I live in Quebec (montreal) It is not that bad...
I love our Canadian stereotypes!! Great instructable, i got a good laugh out of it :P You forgot to mention how to ride a dog sled to school everyday :)
tiuk6 years ago
You should add "you must love Don Cherry". One of my friends the other day announced that she hated him and we revoked her citizenship on the spot.
mysterygirl154 (author) 6 years ago
I am in fact canadian and I was making fun of all the stereotypes.
Bongmaster6 years ago
before you go bonkers and post "omg!1 i h8t uze canadia h8ter" see it in the light it was intended coming from a Canadian.. (not me, the auther..)
Kiteman6 years ago
Outstanding!

I've seen Canadians getting a lot of stick on US TV, it's good to see at least one with a genuine sense of humour.

I'd like to think that this will be the first in a wave of How to be My Nationality ibles.
Stereotypical and completely untrue, yet very funny. At the outset I was upset, but really it's just funny.
smak50006 years ago
well then... umm tagged as inappropriate and I was going to quote the most offensive part but the entire thing is extremely off colour and I would hope that it gets removed. please do not post any more of your hate filled propaganda
I don't believe that this was intended to be "hate-filled propaganda," since the author is Canadian herself. Rather, it is a humorous listing of the stereotypes regarding Canadians.
ac1D CameronSS6 years ago
Im canadians. French canadians. I love the instructables.
I deleted my last comment because it was made while I was angry. That in itself explains how I as a Canadian feel about this Instructable.
Gypsyman6 years ago
you forgot to add the step on how to be controlled and except bribes from motorcycle gangs.