I made this for a school project, we had to make ridiculous instructions. Am I attending an awesome school or what?
So here's my entry for an absurd manual.
Note: I don't think you're stupid. This is not a real manual.
Step 1: The Handkerchief
Step 2: The Right Position
Step 3: Ready?
Step 4: Blowing Your Nose
Warning : It might feel slimy and wet, but that's normal.