So, by some method, you have come into the possession of 1 or more legally edible turtles. Congratulations! They are legendarily good eating. Or, if you're into catching, cleaning, and eating turtles, there's a good chance that you might refer to them as good eatin', if that makes any difference.
What do you do with it (them)? Well, that's where this instructable comes into play.
Note: Some of the photos depict some pretty graphic turtle-ness. If you are a card-carrying Sierra Club/PETA member, or just don't want to see some turtle guts pictures right now, then don't look at this instructable.
I'm sick of people leaving comments saying that this is mean. Can you please be concerned about something infinitely more important, like the millions of innocent human beings that die each year?
If you eat meat, especially, realize that the meat you eat was once an animal. The difference between it and these turtles is that (except in the case that someone hunted the animal and gave/sold its meat to you) these turtles, while alive, were free to roam around the lake they lived in and wherever else they chose to go. The animals whose meat you buy in the store were probably kept in ridiculously small pens, fed ridiculously low-quality feed, until they were fat enough to kill profitably.
Caution: Obviously, you'll be dealing with a turtle (quite possibly a mean, old snapper), so be careful around its mouth (esp. if a snapper), and watch the claws. Also, be careful, you're using knives. And scissors, and maybe a bone saw. That bit's up to you.
Step 1: Assemble materials and tools.
Well, you're going to need at least 1 turtle. You can catch turtles (at least in many states) by rod-and-reel fishing (same rig/bait/techniques as catfishing), with float lines (baited hook on a line, tied to a float, tied to a tree/dock), with traps, or even noodling (although I'll just stick to one of the others, and not risk my fingers).
You'll also need:
1 sharp knife (such as a short (4-6") fillet knife
1 piece of stout wire for each turtle (I used 14 ga electric fence wire (had it around), it worked for a 5 and a 7 lb turtle)
1 pr wire clippers
1 very heavy knife or a hand axe (I would recommend a hand axe)
1 stout stick that can survive the turtle's bite (for snappers)
Gloves (leather work gloves or fishing gloves, for grip and protection)
Kitchen shears/heavy-duty scissors
serrated knife/small saw (for cutting through bone/tough shell bits)
Here, I have two turtles, and some of the tools (I took these pictures as I went along, before I knew just what I would/wouldn't need for sure).
A lot of people recommend putting the turtles in a big barrel (55 gal), with clean water, for 7 days. Replace the water ever couple days or so. This is to purify their system (so when you accidentally puncture the bladder/bum pouch, it doesn't stink up the room or risk possibly tainting the meat). This is optional.