Note: Use this at your own risk. Smoking is bad for your health, and if you get caught it's also bad for your criminal record.
Before anyone start flaming I would like to direct them to http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/05/25/AR2006052501729_pf.html
Step 1: Gather Supplies
-An empty water bottle
-A bill, billie, bill piece, stem and cone, or whatever it is called in your area. Basically a hollow tube with a small bowl on the top. These are available at your local head shop, and can also be made out of things that you can get from a hardware store.
-A lighter (I recommend a BIC)
Step 2: Remove the Label
Step 3: Melt the First Hole
This should be an air tight seal. To check if it is plug the top of the stem with your thumb and place your lips on the top of the bottle. When you inhale you shouldn't hear any air rushing into the bottle. If you do hear air remove the bill, and try again. If the second time fails you'll need a new bottle.
Step 4: Make the Choke
Take your lighter and bottle again and melt a second hole in the bottle. This is called a choke.
Step 5: Fill With Water and Blaze Away
When you get better at making these you'll be able to make them out of bottles that have water already in them. This is very useful if you want to smoke somewhere where you don't have access to water.