Picture of How to make fake cat-food

Here is a story:
A chap called Billy spent a night on a sofa. In the morning Billy helped himself to a breakfast of whisky and cat-food. He did declare "''tis the finest gravy you ever did taste." (or very similar)
This story had been around a bit, and exploited for amusement. I thought I could get some more amusement from it...

Eating cat-food "freaks people out", it's a potential party-trick and April-fools' joke, so here's how you can do it.
Remove these adsRemove these ads by Signing Up

Step 1: Things you need

Picture of Things you need

Two aluminium tins of cat-food, of the type pictured. Choose whatever flavour you like, but aim to have the filling match the description.
Red-meat and offal, I used steak and kidney.
Gravy, I was lazy and bought a tub from a butcher.
A sharp knife, scissors.
Epoxy glue.
A kitchen, with kitchen-stuff in it.

Step 2: The meat

Picture of The meat

I got a little portion of steak and kidney, about half a pound.
To make it look like horrible processed brown meatyness it needed to be pulped to mush and cooked. I chopped steak and kidney finely and tried bashing it with a pestle, but used a hand blender in the end.
*Use a blender*
For flavour, I added a little salt and pepper, and half a teaspoon of Marmite.
If you're recreating two-tone cat-food, make two mushes with different proportions & flavourings.

The mush was poached gently in a lightly-oiled ramekin to a rather nasty-looking brown lump. This was easily cut into horrible-looking chunks with a sharp knife. The chunks taste nice though - remember this: they look nasty but taste nice.

To finish off the lumps were re-heated in rich brown gravy, yum yum...
1-40 of 74Next »
just a guess that you have read unfortunate events"the world is quiet here".
kudzu6310 months ago

I'd love to do this but I am afraid that my lovely wife would really divorce me if I did it. Well maybe not the big D word but she definitely stop kissing me for a week or so. LOL

wafflemaker87810 months ago
That's awesome! I really want to try it.

cool. The only problem is that I don't have a cat, and the "cat food" might arouse suspicion.

Danny14333 years ago
yay marmite nz rules
lemonie (author)  Danny14333 years ago
Yes it does, and it's vegetarian.

are you from nz
lemonie (author)  Danny14333 years ago
Is there a Yorkshire UK in NZ?


have you been to nz?
lemonie (author)  Danny14333 years ago
No, but what I've heard all sounds good.

caarntedd3 years ago
This is pretty cool. I've done the change the label thing when camping. When it was my turn to cook it was dog food for all. Pretending to try an keep the can concealed makes it more convincing too.
lemonie (author)  caarntedd3 years ago
Oh yes, you sneak it into the pan quickly, but not too sneakily?

That's the one. Also an actual empty can of dog/cat food with a little residue left in it gets a good reaction when discovered near the food prep area. The residue passes the sniff test quite convincingly.
heathbar643 years ago
around here the less gourmet cat food comes in tin cans that are exactly the same as tuna and such things come in. I think an easier trick would be to just change the label. or better yet, switch the labels and put the cat food in the cupboard in place of the tuna.
lemonie (author)  heathbar643 years ago
When the cans are opened the cat-food looks very different to tuna.

Ah, yes! taking a joke to obsessive perfection is the sign of true genius.
lemonie (author)  heathbar643 years ago
Stewed-steak, make your self a "finest" "poncy" dog-food label...

I am sorry, but this is ridiculous. Its seems like allot of effort to make someone think you are eating cat food. Also who needs help with a project like this.
lemonie (author)  KIMBONGCHILL3 years ago
Do a bong and chill... It was funny for us.

I am not trying to be mean this one is just not my cup of tea. I like your other stuff Lemonie. Just not the kind of stuff I get into I guess. I am less of a showman than you. I am really into building stuff. I am sure there are others that cant wait to try it.
good luck. I am sure I will see your projects around.
lemonie (author)  KIMBONGCHILL3 years ago

The making parts of this are the reason that I published it, I do have other things that I'm working on (slowly)

ilpug lemonie3 years ago
Lemonie, from your outward online conversation, it is hard to believe you are from another country. You talk like so many of my friends and neighbors from Northern California that occasionally i wonder about your true identity. With all do respect - Ilpug
lemonie (author)  ilpug3 years ago

I am Yorkshire, but we'll have some common ancestry somewhere I guess...

ilpug lemonie3 years ago
If i ever visit the UK i will definitely go to that area, it sounds like a place i might like.
lemonie (author)  ilpug3 years ago

Yes it's "top". stay away from The south, or Scotland*, the happy-point is Holmfirth...


*Nothing wrong with Scotland except tourists, it's mainly very beautiful.
ilpug lemonie3 years ago
Well, after graduation i may go on a trip, so i will definitely add it to the list of possibilities. Holmfirth looks like it is sort of like the Napa wine areas near where i live, but with less tourists. God, there are too many tourists.,
lemonie (author)  ilpug3 years ago
ilpug lemonie3 years ago
Picture with the trees is near where I live. Picture with the vineyards is Napa.
lemonie (author)  ilpug3 years ago

ilpug lemonie3 years ago
The trees are nice. The redwoods near my house are the tallest trees in the world. It's where they filmed the ewok village in Star Wars.
lemonie (author)  ilpug3 years ago

Less wine though, I think this is all of it.


Yes, there's a reason we call Yorkshire "Britain's California"...

Great party trick, lemonie!
lemonie (author)  PenfoldPlant3 years ago

** you might want to add mosquitos and weather to your list there, but apart from those niggles it is lovely. Not nearly as nice as Cumbria of course!
lemonie (author)  anonymouse1973 years ago

midges, nasty-buggers...

Kiteman3 years ago
What a warped mind...

On a side note, hygiene standards in pet food manufacture are allegedly higher than for human foodstuffs, so, taste aside, tinned petfood is safer to eat than "proper" tinned foods.
I once hitchhiked across France with a British woman who worked in the dog food manufacturing industry; she was quite keen to talk about just this subject. She said that all British pet foods have to be safe for human consumption, as so many less fortunate people use them as an affordable source of meat.
splazem Kiteman3 years ago
+1 :)
lemonie (author)  Kiteman3 years ago
Yep, but you can use your side-note to help warp other people's minds into being convinced it is petfood that you're eating.

oilitright3 years ago
Why go to all this effort? Why not just crack open the feline feast and dig in? Give your taste buds a wake up call; expand your palette. And believe me people all around the planet eat "food" that would gag a maggot. I know I spent 23 years in the military most of it abroad and I always tried to eat "native" (note I didn't always have more then one bite, Andrew Zimmerman has nothing on me).

My top 3 taste treats which I'll never try again unless stranded, alone, on a uncharted desert island (and if you're the reason I'm not alone, do not go to sleep) are; from the Philippines 'Baluts' I can't quite describe the experience of the taste and smell. Baluts consist of a putrefied embryonic chicken egg which has been buried in the hot sand for a period of time. Filipinos crack open the small end suck out the soup and then peel the shell off a savor the jellied baby chicken, feathers, beak, feet and all. You can detect a Filipino who has eaten one from 300 yards, up wind. From Hawaii comes 'poi' it is a staple food loved and enjoyed by many otherwise perfectly sane individuals, to me it has the taste and consistency of soured wallpaper paste. Lastly in Korea the national dish is Kimchi, described as a spicy cabbage dish. I describe it as tasting like someone took various kinds of organic material which then was piled much like compost on a tarmac and doused liberally with aviation fuel and left to sit in the sun for a month.

So real cat food would for me be a true delicacy and much preferred to any of the three dishes I'd described so if you find yourself stranded on a deserted desert island with me, remember to bring cat food. Try to bring Marmite just for a little taste variety
1-40 of 74Next »