Do you have a dehydrator or access to one? If so, you can make your own jerky. You can make very large cuts that will cover more area on your fancy shorts. There's also more marbling, which means it'll be chunkier and more colorful. Chunks are good for aesthetics. If you don't have a dehydrator, go out and buy a bunch of jerky and skip to step number 5. If you're buying jerky, get the least flavored type you can find, it'll stick better.
Step 2: Buy some meat
Vanessa and I opted for skirt steak, which is cheap and pretty thin. The butcher was also kind enough to give us some FREE meat for our project. Everybody loves free meat.
Step 3: Bring home your meat
Bring home your meat, and slice it as thin as you can get it. We tried to slice the skirt steak in half , which worked sometimes. Ultimately, you don't want it any thicker than 1/4 inch, so do whatever you can without slicing your fingers off to get it thin. Large pieces look great on the shorts, so keep that in mind while you're slicing.
Step 4: Dehydrate
Put your meat in the dehydrator and turn it on. Wait patiently for two whole days. Read the directions for your dehydrator - you will probably need to rotate the trays every so often during this two day stretch. Also, check your meat! Some dried much faster than others, and it's easier to work with if it's a little bit soft.
Step 5: Buy some shorts
Buy some shorts. We were looking for red (Dick Cheney's favorite color), but Goodwill only had brown in the size we needed. Brown ended up looking pretty nice, though. You can obviously choose whatever color you'd like.