How to Make S'mores at Home

Remember back when we were kids, how wonderful it was sitting around a campfire, toasting marshmallows and making s'mores? Well, we can have that again. After considerable pain and effort on my part, I have managed to put together a little step-by-step guide for making s'mores in the comfort of your own home. As you read this, try to appreciate all the effort the adults in your life went through to give us such a small pleasure.

Step 1: Chips

As you know, s'mores are made up graham crackers, chocolate or carob (if you are allergic), and marshmallows. We will start by obtaining the chocolate or carob, as that tends to last longer.

First, prepare your tools

Step 2: Chips

Second, head to the chip mine. The nearest to me is Big Rock Candy Mountain.

Step 3: Chips

Third, take the ore home for refinement.

Step 4: Chips

Lastly, sift out the low-quality sugar, and pick out the chips for use later.

Step 5: Marshmallows

Now, we go on to gathering the marshmallows:

Visit the marsh and collect all you see. The best time for collection is morning or evening, in the Spring.

Note: The ones that grow near the grasses have better flavor, but the ones that grow near the muck are more moist, this means that they'll melt better when you cook them.

Step 6: Marshmallows

Lastly, remember that marshmallows can spoil in marsh, so check for any overripe ones and separate them from the rest.

Step 7: Bears

The last component is that of the graham crackers. Luckily, my house has a bit of an infestation of graham bears, so these were fairly easy. What follows is some advice on the best places to lay bear traps.

Bears like sugar and honey, so this is a good place to set traps.

Step 8: Bears

Bears like nuts. I baited this one with an almond, and put it near the other nuts.

Step 9: Bears

Bears like berries and music. I played "Waltzing with Bears" in this trap.

Step 10: Bears

To catch many bears at once, you have to set up a teddy bears' picnic. It takes more work, however, picnics are very effective.

Step 11: Prep

Next is the preparation part. This takes some work, but if you just follow the steps, it should be fairly straightforward.

Separate the gimpy ones.

Step 12: Prep

Bears tend to move quickly and wiggle, you have to stun them so they're easier to handle.

Step 13: Prep

Tie bears together with chips and marshmallows. The tie is needed, as they tend to wake up during the cooking process. Things can get pretty messy pretty quickly.

Step 14: Prep

Close up of the tie. As you can see, you don't need to use fancy knots, as bears have no thumbs, so they can't untie them anyway.

Step 15: Cook

Cook on high for one second per s'more, or one half-second per bear.

Step 16: End

As you can see, some marshmallows are meltier than others. You have to pick your own balance between juiciness and flavor.

This is what a fully cooked s'more looks like. If you cooked longer, the chip would have melted too, but that would make the marshmallow too melty. Experiment to find your own balance.