How to make some simple things impossibly thick

Hello everyone,

This is my first instructable. I hope it will be helpful to some and clear enough to understand.

This is a machine I made that makes things impossibly thick. The steps that follow are not perfect, there are variables. These variables should become obvious.

There is a minimum of 10 steps with a few subsidiary steps to follow.

Step 1 November 28, 1980: Conception

November 28, 1980. I was born in Barrie Ontario, Canada at the Royal Victoria Hospital. A 10 story hospital filled with many bodies, machines and countless fluids. I am told that the number of sperm present in a man can vary greatly depending on numerous factors (such as general health, time of the month, the presence of toxins). The body produces new sperm all the time as they are expelled during ejaculation, but they also have a very short life span. There is one egg though countless, unimaginable numbers of sperm, and each one carries a slightly different DNA. The chances that any one sperm will fertilize an egg is very very low.

Conception is miraculous.

Comments

[Dr.Earl Insanity]

lol i love it!!!! yes it fundamentally lacks logic, but who needs logic any way!? KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!

[gggonzalez]

 How fitting that I stumble across this on April 1st.  Kudos!

[ThePennyLady]

You are a fantastic writer.

[Johnny_dreamer]

Vonnegut-esque...

[moqca]

 Genious, simply genious

[BlessedWrath]

I do not understand, and I'm content with that.

Congratulations on your thickness.

[RattDaPained]

If People Would Pay Attention This Was A Great Instructable. It Taught You How To Make A Simple Explanation Of How To Make A Simple Pice Of Art  Complicated And Seemingly Irrelavent Aka Thick. Most Tell About Themselves And What They Made In Step 1. In Step 2 Most Will Tell About The Tools They Had To Work With Or Where They Made What They Did. Steps 3-x (X Being Step 6 In This One.) Show How To Use More Comon Materials. The Next Few Steps (7 In This Case) Shows Something To Think About Such As Safty. After Those Explinations The Last Of The Matirials That Is Needed Is Something Uncommon And That Is Explained. (Step 8). The Last Step Will Tell How Every Thing Works Together (Step 9 For The Art Project, Step 10 For The Thickening One). Open Mindedness Helps Too.

[emerson.john]

Although bizarre, this makes more sense than doing a lot of the things people attempt with an Altoids box.

[WhoTookMudshark]

I just read this again a year-and-a-half later and it is still my favorite. Are you an artist elsewhere adamsix, or just on instructables?

[mikeasaurus]

1 - This isn't an instructable. 2 - Your machine looks broken, or incomplete. 3 - No one cares that you were born in the armpit of Canada. 4 - This isn't a forum for introspective storytelling.

[iLikeCoolStuf]

lol

[TheShawMaestro]

The whole point is that he bulked it up with items of no relvance at all. And remember the "Be Nice" policy?

[mikeasaurus]

ShawMaestro 1- My comment was written over a year ago, get on the ball. 2- Bulked up storytelling is still not an instructable. 3- There is nothing unkind about what I wrote, so the 'be nice' policy doesn't apply.

[bobt4]

u must have some problems with puting evrything in lists....-.-

[dombeef]

Yeah even though he said it was one year ago and I thought that he would change!

[bobt4]

LOL 1 year and 13 days late mister.

[dombeef]

LOL 16 minutes later mister

[bobt4]

Wow I almost posted 24 hours later

[bobt4]

Dude,are you a wizard? :O

[dombeef]

I dont get that? Is it a meme or something?

[bobt4]

No I'm just amazed :O

[dombeef]

yeah, but that says meme generator in the bottom right, I dont get that meme

[bobt4]

It's for situations when people are amazed.

[dombeef]

Ah, ok

[rc jedi]

hee hee, you tell 'em!

[incorrigible packrat]

Better than being born in Owen Sound, the bumhole of the elephant. (Take a map of Southern Ontario. Turn it sideways so that West is North, and the whole thing looks pachydermish. Note position of Owen Sound.) As to the "instructable" I dunno, it's pretty messed up, but kind of entertaining.

[DELETED_craz meanman]

(removed by author or community request)

[incorrigible packrat]

Can't find my camera. Google map it, then turn monitor sideways.

[jongscx]

Isn't Step 5 just a picture of Florida? I'm confused...

[CybergothiChe]

no, it is ice, surrounding a body of water (who can spell resovwar anyway?)

[bowlerhatman]

Dude... I LOVE IT. This is really cool. I love how you've used almost a stream of consciousness idea, it's more like word association football, but it's still similar. Disregard the fool who criticise it, they recognise not the value of your ideas.

[chriskarr]

On step five - "When electricity was demonstrated at the Chicago World's fair people thought it was a miracle." And it wouldn't have been such a miracle if it weren't for Nikola Tesla and his pioneering AC distribution system.

[duckythescientist]

WOOHOO!!!! GO TESLA!!

[chicKintAco]

Hahaha. I love Canadians!

[hcold]

Love this Instructable! Also, the worrying about the lack of discipline sounds worryingly (for lack of a better word) familiar.

[hcold]

Seconds thoughts - this Instructable and its reactions strongly remind me of The Catcher In The Rye, and the boy who had to stay on topic and when he got off topic, the class would yell "Digression!" shattering his confidence. Nice.

[WhoTookMudshark]

This reads like a Fiery Furnaces album and I love it with all of my heart. I don't know how to vote on this website but I am about to figure it out and give you the best vote imaginable.

[codongolev]

look at the right.

[xxmixkexx]

haha get it... it was a joke!!! if you made it and followed it you were thick!!! jeeze

[larrylemon]

Psychological help is available. See www.psychologicalselfhelp.org Although it is funny.