Introduction: How to Make Your Pregnant Partner Happy

Picture of How to Make Your Pregnant Partner Happy

One time I was pregnant. There were some simple things that I really wanted from my partner but at the time, I was too emotional to ask for them in a constructive way. Being a parent is a radical experience, and the starting point is the pregnant part. If you can provide an environment that is comfortable to your pregnant partner, the pregnancy, the birth, and the first months of insanity can be greatly improved. I believe that a pregnant woman's needs are totally within the scope of what you can do.

Step 1: Take Notice of the Amazing Power of Her Body

Picture of Take Notice of the Amazing Power of Her Body

Most everyone wants their work to be appreciated, especially in relationships. When someone is working hard, it makes the experience more enjoyable to know that it is not in vain. Your lady is creating a human being without even knowing what she is doing. The baby is being made from parts of her body. It's totally insane and powerful, and if just once a day, you let her know that her body is amazing and doing a good job, you will make her happier.

Step 2: Water and Vitamins

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Pregnant women are thirsty. They need beverages wherever they go. It would be really really sweet if you could make sure that she has water. She might already be on top of this water-having need, but I guarantee you that she will forget her water bottle at least one time. If you are the one that produces a little bottle of water for her from your bag or car or whatever, you will earn yourself some hugs and you will avoid the panic and crazed behavior that happens sometimes when a pregnant woman gets thirsty and can't find water. I think it's totally an animal thing, but never go walking with a pregnant woman unless one of you is carrying water.

Vitamins. Likely, she will take some kind of supplemental vitamin while pregnant. If you can make sure that she takes her vitamins every day with maybe even just an email or text message, she will feel like she is part of a well-oiled pregnancy team.

Step 3: Reading Material

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She will want you to read a book that you probably don't want to read or don't have time to read. It might be a child rearing book or a birth book. If you really can't bring yourself to read it, find a birth book or a pregnancy/child book of your own and read it. Even if what you choose is very short, it will be the effort that she remembers. If you can make it through Spiritual Midwifery, you'll win an award. Otherwise, just read The Nursing Mother's Companion. Read the first 50 pages. She will forget all about all the other things she wants you to read.

If it were my choice, my man would've read The Continuum Concept. In fact, I wish everyone in the whole world would read it.

Step 4: Offer to Go With Her

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Whenever she has an appointment with the midwife or ob/gyn, offer to go. Even if you know that she will say no, offer. Don't wait until she asks you. The more that she feels a part of a team, the more comfortable she will be with the idea of bringing the baby into the world.

Step 5: Help Her to Prepare

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Mentally: She needs to know in her heart that she can birth this baby. Her body already knows everything about having the baby, but especially if it is her first time, there is a lot of uncertainty about what the process will be like. As long as at her core, she trusts her body and knows that she can do it, she will be as mentally ready as she can be.

Nesting: If she wants to rearrange everything, you have to help her, or hire someone to help her. She's pregnant and by the time the nesting urge hits and she has to fold and re-organize every thing in every cabinet, she will be quite large and could benefit from an extra pair of hands.

Birth Plan: Talk to her about her ideal birth, whether hospital, at home, birth center, in the lake, whatever. Find out what her fears are and try to address them. As she gets closer to the due window, make sure that all the supplies for birth are in order.

Step 6: Be Patient

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She may be acting a little funny. She's got all these new levels of hormones going on and likely doesn't realize it most of the time. She is still the same lovely lady that she always was. What she needs is for you to just accept how she is and to not get angry with her. It will calm down eventually and you can both look back and laugh at the time she had a crying fit outside that Mexican restaurant because she had forgotten to take her vitamins.

*Bonus Tip"

Make sure you give her a big chocolate bar the day after the delivery. She will need the calories and it will make her the happiest she's been since the baby came out.

Step 7: Bonus Material

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If you're a real go-getter, you can always do more for the mom and baby. Here are extra things that you can do if you have mastered everything else:

Food: She is hungry and she has to pee. But the hunger part, you can help out with. Near the end, especially, she will be heavy and her feet will tire of standing, but she will be at her hungriest part of the pregnancy. If you can make a good meal for her every day, you will be doing her a great favor. You will keep her from eating a whole box of golden grahams for dinner instead of making something for herself. Lean protein and veggies and complex carbohydrates! Not too much salt! If she needs it, she'll add it. She needs Iron and Calcium, especially, so make her something with Kale or Collard Greens or something. A good solid kidney bean never hurt a pregnant lady, either.

Feet: Even if your lady is at 35 weeks and buzzing around the world like she's not pregnant, her feet hurt. And even if she says they don't hurt, a foot rub will be well received and will help you bond with her new body and give you some quality time together that you might not get for months or even years following the birth.

Birth: Near the end, she will know that the baby has to come out soon. Maybe she will have already passed the 'due date'. The tension and anticipation of the baby's arrival and the mystery of the labor process is no good for her. Ease that tension as much as you can through talking to her about the baby and birth. And the most important part: get intimate. If you're having a hospital birth, you might not be able to make-out and get really into it at the hospital, so help her with her hormones at home, whenever you get a chance. Show her that you love her body! The hormones that put the baby in there will get the baby out.


rishiS37 (author)2016-10-02

Excellent Applestone..great stuff in simple way

WilliamM211 (author)2016-09-06

Excellent post, I would even say it is inspiring ! A good friend of mine is trying to get pregnant , I read tonns of literature already ( including ) , your article is very helpful, too.

AmandaF57 (author)2016-09-05

What a great read!

LeifD1 (author)2015-08-21

wdials88 (author)2013-07-18

I have serious problems being patient, it's the hardest thing I struggle with, any suggestions?

applestone (author)wdials882013-07-21

Well, I think that patience is learned. You'll need a lot of it once you're raising a kid, so it's never too soon to start paying attention to it. All I do is breathe, and just take notice of myself when I'm being impatient. The first step is definitely noticing tension in your body, your breathing, that sort of anxious feeling - all the things that may happen when you are feeling impatient. Just watching those feelings will help them lose power. Over time, it will get easier. Hope that helps!

foxinsox (author)2013-01-18

I'm in doula training right now, and this guide is right on with what we talk about. great tips, bravo!

mdebo (author)2008-12-14

This is a nice guide. Hopefully some guys will read it as I have. My lady isnt pregnant or nor do we plan on it, but future preperation is always nice. Now only if there were a manual less than 4000 pages on how to understand a woman...ha. Im sure there would be 4000 pages on me as well, but yea, you get the drift.

Zoogergirl00 (author)mdebo2012-08-25

Way to go, future awesome dad :]

jollyrancher1212 (author)2010-07-30

Oh God... DON'T look at another woman while you're in a relationship EVER! Whether you're dating, engaged, married, or just on a date! That hurts the woman's feelings more than you could ever know... You have to be really REALLY careful! Especially if she's pregnant and her self-esteem is dangling at the edge of a cliff and anything can push it over!

That's no joke. Just the other day I had that happen and I can't stop thinking about him looking at this girl... I've always struggled with self-esteem though. Is there an instructable for that? Haha :) Oh and I'm 13 weeks by the way

m4l1n (author)2011-06-26

Scary picture...

jennyespa (author)2011-03-24

Every soon to be daddy should read this:)

Screamo (author)2010-10-23

Just give her 10 meals a day and she will be fine //.O X(♫ S⊂R∃AM◯♫ )X

jollyrancher1212 (author)2010-07-30

My last comment was supposed to be a reply to xrayangiodoc's comment at the bottom of the page... oops :)

pechka (author)2009-06-06

A variation: some of us do NOT want to eat at all when we're near the birth, but the baby needs food. Keep little dishes of trail mix or any other nutrient-dense, high-protein "nibbles" around and encourage her to munch---heck, make a silly game of "Daddy-bird feeding Mama-bird to feed their Baby-bird" if that's what it takes, but keep after her if she's having trouble getting healthful calories down. Flan (egg custard) is loved by many almost-moms.

Also, the wonderful author was maybe too indirect for some folks to get the part about "the hormones that put.....will help get the baby out." Getting aroused, especially by nipple stimulation, helps get the uterus ready to work hard----and will make her feel beautiful, too.
Oh yeah, after awhile in labor, applying a really warm blanket to her lower back, w/no warning, will be the best thing that she's felt for many months!

And last, after nine months of being made much of, and receiving presents, suddenly ALL attention goes to the new kid on the block. If you, and a few others, will bring her little gifts, yummies, funnies, pretties, and especially something tailored to her particular likes will remind her of how important and loved she is. Not usually much of a problem, but this would be "advanced, graduate level" expression of support and esteem.

Beautiful 'ible! (Sorry about the length here, but this was as short as I could get it....)


branfrog (author)pechka2009-06-06

How do you apply a warm blanket to the back if she is undoubtedly lying on her back? ...thanks for clarifying the arousal thing, it wasn't very clear...seems highly inappropriate/awkward given the situation though... :P

starrymirth (author)branfrog2010-07-10

nerdmom is right. Lying on your back can increase the time it takes to deliver by 30% (I think that was the statistic). Women who are allowed to move freely deliver quicker, and moving into different positions at different stages of labour can help to ease some pain. Delivering on your back means you're working against gravity and it's for the doctors ease. My bf recently bought an electric over-blanket that is very soft and fleecy, I think that would be quite nice when your back is aching. :) Lying under it feels like you're lying under the sun. :) Good instructable. I'll be sure to forward it to my bf in a couple of years when we're out of university, getting married and getting busy. :P

nerdmom920 (author)branfrog2009-09-03

Actually you can spend a good amount of time Laboring on your side. Standing up and walking around, squatting, etc. . . Laboring on your back is a doctor/nurse oriented position, not a mother/baby oriented position. You don't have to labor on your back. You position yourself most comfortably and go with that.

aniboi123 (author)2010-06-08

hey guys, im 15, and my new gf is pregant, she was my ex but the guy who did it to her used her for a one night stand, and i basically love her, she is also 15 and i really dont know what to do, but i will always be theree for her

karsten.hain (author)2008-12-09

As a newly married guy, this is great stuff to keep in mind should we find ourselves in that sort of way in the foreseeable future. Thanks a lot.

At Liberty (author)karsten.hain2008-12-12

Newly married?


Clean the toilet, deal with the trash, help with dishes without being asked to. On a regular basis. She will rave about you forever if you do this.

karsten.hain (author)At Liberty2008-12-12

I do the dishes fairly regularly and she DOES rave about it! But I have never cleaned the toilet and bathroom sink, even though she mentions it when it gets bad before she cleans it. Maybe I should use those as cues to do it first. Thanks for the advice!

Hellgamatic (author)karsten.hain2009-10-29

Just a tip for any newly-married guys out there: That is, indeed, a hint. If a woman mentions that something is a problem but doesn't take care of it, she is hoping and praying that you will.

Another tip for newly-married guys: women LOVE to pretend you think of nothing but them, all the time. Therefore, the best and most awesome thing you can do is plan something to do with her, taking into account her schedule and everything (even look in her day planner, or on her calendar, for a good day/time), and then surprise her with it. The more elaborate the planning, the more it makes her feel super special!

At Liberty (author)karsten.hain2008-12-13

You are welcome. (and great job helping with the dishes) I wish you a long, mutually healthy & happy marriage :o)

ixisuprflyixi (author)2009-10-10

My wife is pregnant now and is due in a couple weeks. Most of this info seems spot on.  She is moody and needs support and massages and more support and she really is always thirsty too. I have been to a few appointments with her and we had lamaze classes too it was boring but it makes her feel better.  Lamaze class did teach me that there is no "right" position to have a baby, like most people without children I thought the normal position was on her back but there are tons of positions.  Anyway thanks for the information it is very useful. 

vandal1138 (author)2009-09-14

step one: Aqcuire fluffy sheep dog. Step two: stare.

webtron (author)2009-07-03

This is very nice, but i'd rather make my happy partner pregnant

jessicahartwell (author)2009-07-02

I would have loved a surprise warm blanket on my back while in labor! I was almost always sitting up or lying on my side, so it wouldn't have been a problem.

Trace II (author)2009-06-11

Up next: How to Make Your Happy Partner Pregnant

pechka (author)2009-06-06

Branfrog, at some point the doc's will probably have her turn onto her left side to make it easier on her heart, especially if it's a long labor and/or if she has pre-eclampsia. Probably the couple won't feel like doing intimate things in the hospital, but at home during earlier stages of labor, it can get things going. And coaching through labor with the breathing and concentration can be as intimate as love-making anyway.

applestone (author)pechka2009-06-06

Thanks for adding to this instructable and cutting to the chase pechka!

JZ Price (author)2009-04-08

im just a teenager, but doesn't this require only one sentence: Read there mind, and do such.

jmr1760 (author)2009-03-19

NOOOOO! As far as I'm concerned I've already done my share of the work during conception when I sent my boys swimming in her direction - let her take care of the rest... ...just kidding!!! - isn't my wife a lucky woman?

blakeredfield (author)2009-02-18

Feed, water, read summin, stroke, pet, talk and make out. GOT IT! Now to make my wife pregnant!

mizzoumike76 (author)2009-02-03

I have no pregant partner, but I'm saving this for when I do. Thanks! It reminds me of my days working graveyard at a gas station; I was on a first name basis with all the 'expecting' fathers coming to satisfy their craving girls. I would suggest a stockpile of: ice cream bars/sandwiches, Funions (for some reason these were really popular), pickles, maraschino cherries, bologna, cheese sticks, and pretty much anything with chocolate :)

abnor (author)2009-01-01

This was a cute instructable. It made me smile an awful lot. The compliments and parts with touching the feet or getting intimate are really true, and just a little love will always go a long way, even if you're not pregnant.

eranox (author)2008-12-28

Really, really good instructable! I have to admit, I was half-expecting to see what amounted to a list of complaints to the public about your partner. :P Thank you for the real, solid advice. I didn't know quite a bit of this beforehand. You should get a medal just for the chocolate bar bit alone.

soleta (author)2008-12-20

Very nice. I think you are doing a big thing posting this instructable. It is something I would like all future dads read. *Just about the feet rubbing.... it must be soft, it´s not a good idea if feet are swollen. Rub veeery gently as it can make things worst.

ortho (author)2008-12-08

I did not think it was possible

omnibot (author)ortho2008-12-12

What, pregnancy?

=SMART= (author)omnibot2008-12-12

yea what the hell happened to the stalk baby delivery service ??!! tough economy huh

omnibot (author)=SMART=2008-12-14

Yeah, these days I suppose you have to make your own like in the olden days. Man, if the economy gets any worse well be back to beating oxygen and hydrogen together by hand for water .. again. I don't know what we'll do for gravity.

Magnusscott (author)omnibot2008-12-16


ortho (author)omnibot2008-12-16

making them happy

stasterisk (author)2008-12-15

Hey Danielle - would you consider posting a link to your pregnancy log, as well? I _really_ enjoy(ed) reading it, and it would seem to fit here well!

applestone (author)stasterisk2008-12-15

bein' pregnant . If you can believe it, I had totally forgotten that this existed. haha.

cofosho (author)2008-12-14

FYI - If you make kidney beans and you make them from dry beans, COOK THEM ALL THE WAY. By "all the way", I mean cook for 2ish hours and heat to boiling for at least some of that time. No one needs a vomiting momma.

xrayangiodoc (author)2008-12-14

Something NOT to do to your pregnant partner: When my wife was in her 9th month with our second, we were at the swimming pool that served the house staff of the hospital where I was doing my residency. At this point in her pregnancy, my wife was feeling like a large aquatic mammal. A slim attractive nurse was doing some laps in a 2 piece white bikini. When my wife saw me looking at her, tears started to run down her cheeks. She kept repeating that she was fat. I kept telling her that she was not fat, only pregnant. It's been over 38 years and we are still together

Bender is great (author)2008-12-13

I know how to avoid this one don't get married and two don't breed. Clone man Cloning is the wave of the future.

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