Introduction: Sneaking Liquor Into a Ballpark (or Any Event/Venue)
Like most other folks living in a major city in the United States, I like going to baseball games. 40,000+ screaming fans, hanging out with your friends, peanuts and Cracker Jack... what's not to like? Oh, that's right. The extremely inflated price of booze.
How ballparks get away with charging $10+ for a Bud Light is beyond me. Sure, I'll have one with my garlic fries... but to get a good buzz going, I'm going to need a little something stronger. The idea of spending $50 on beer just so I can miss half of the game standing in long restroom lines is not appealing in the slightest.
So how does one get around the price of booze? By bringing your own alcohol in, of course! But with security checking your bags, patting you down, waving those metal detecting wands around, etc... no one wants to get the flask they were given as a groomsman's gift taken away.
You're going to have to hide your booze somewhere a little more inconspicuous, in a non-metallic container. Sure, plastic flasks are an option... but because of their rigid nature, hiding it might prove to be a challenge unless you're the baggy pants baggy shirt wearing type.
(I do not condone excessive drinking and definitely do not condone driving while intoxicated. Don't be a stupid fan and act like a jerk towards opposing teams' fans - even if the Dodgers are playing. And don't drink until you're going to throw up. We're all there to watch baseball and have a good time, so please enjoy responsibly!)
Step 1: Prepare the Booze
Take your booze and pour some into a resealable zipper storage bag. You want just enough to last 6-7 innings - mine has roughly 5 ounces of whiskey. Push as much of the air out of the bag as possible before sealing it. The bag + booze should rest easily in the palm of your hand.
Place the bag in one or two more bags as pictured, and attach some kind of string to the outermost bag. I used a badge holder since it was convenient, but a shoelace, twine, or whatever you have handy should work. It should be between 8"-12".
Step 2: Secure the Booze
Attach one end of the string to a belt or belt loop one the front of your pants.
Ladies who are wearing dresses/skirts, sorry, but I don't have a solution for you. Since I have never worn a dress/skirt, as a result, I have yet to come across this problem while wearing one.
Also, hipsters with skinny jeans, this will not work for you as well. But you're all too busy judging people and listening to band the rest of us have never heard of to attend a baseball game anyway.
Step 3: Simple!
Carefully insert the bag into the front of your pants. Ideally, the bag will hang right in front of your junk - except for the overzealous T.S.A. agent, I have yet to be patted down there.
It's best to do this step as you're approaching the line to enter the ballpark - sitting in a car or on a bus or walking for an extended period of time with a bag of alcohol in your pants is going to be uncomfortable.
Step 4: Walk Slowly
Walk through the line with a smug look on your face and empty the booze into a container once you're inside!
Extremely simple. Extremely effective!
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