This is how you sneak booze into the Derby infield or any other concert venue that allows you to bring in a cooler. Simple, easy, and MacGyver-approved.
What you'll need:
- Rolling cooler
- Soldering iron or a stove and a large nail
- Utility knife or exacto blade
- Ziploc bags (quart and gallon size)
- Up to (approximately) half a gallon of your favorite adult beverage
*This is for the fun and enjoyable sneaking of booze into a place where people are already drinking.
If you use this instructable for evil, like smuggling meth, or trying to hurt people in a public place, then you're a bad person and I hope you trip and fall on a pile of razor blades.
Step 1: 1 - Find a cooler!
The easiest way to do this is to find a cheap rolling cooler in a friend's garage or on craigslist. I found an igloo polar express (or some stupid name) for $15.
Yes, the first google image search that comes up is from a police auction site...
Step 2: The honey hole
Flip the cooler over and note the most scratched up parts.
Using an exacto blade, utility knife, or other razor blade with a handle, cut into the outer shell through about the middle of the scratched parts. If you just use a knife the gap might be just a little too big.
A) Be careful not to cut your finger off. If you cut your finger off you're gonna have a bad time.
B) The cut doesn't have to be deep, but try to make the cut straight.
C) Have patience. Go slow. Be careful. Win.
Step 3: Hollow Man...
Using a wide-blade knife, chunk of metal with a flat bottom.... or something spatula-like, start taking chunks of the foam out of the bottom of the cooler. Be careful how much gusto you put into this- eventually you'll hit the inside liner of the cooler. If you break the inside liner you're gonna have a bad time.
To boost space, carve as far into the space between the inner liner and outside shell as you can, around corners or whatever.
Chances are you're going to have a cavity that is 1" deep. That's not going to look like a lot, but 1"X12"X12" = 144 cubic inches = 2.3 liters, more than a handle of your favorite brown liquor, or a growler of beer, or 3 bottles of wine. Math is badass.
At this point you can test how much room you have by filling a ziploc with water. Using an empy wine bottle (0.75L, the same size as a regular bottle of liquor from the store) see how many bottles you can fit in there and still fit the lid on easily.
The ziplocs will let your beverage conform to the room available. Science!
Step 4: Load it up
Why? If you make your whole day depend on one single ziploc bag, there's a very real possibility that you'll wind up with a cooler dripping bourbon out on the ground when you open it up, and friends that don't want to talk to you ever again.
If you divide your supply into quarts, and one of the quarts leak, then it's still in the gallon bag. It also makes it easier to shift the liquor around to get the best fit.
If you're attempting this with beer... ugh... well first, why are you drinking beer like a little girl? Whiskey is for men with hairy chests, and it's refreshing on a hot day with some ice, which you need for the cooler, remember?
Second, if you think you're going to do this with beer, you have to do everything from this step onwards within about an hour of expecting to open the bags again. And at that, I'm just guessing. Chances are beer will end in diaster. Just sayin'.
Step 5: Cute baby seal
Next set the piece you cut out back into the hole.
Take your soldering iron on low (or repeatedly heating a large nail over a stove or something), and melt the plastic around where you cut back together. This is going to be a pretty superficial seal, but should still work.
Using just the soldering iron alone worked just fine for us, and there wasn't any plastic stickage. BUT, in case you end up having problems you might be able to use waxpaper or parchment paper as a non-stick barrier to melt the plastic back. But honestly, just a soldering iron worked just fine.
Do this in a well-ventilated area.... or get cancer, it's up to you, really.
BE SURE leave one corner open, even if just a 1/4" gap. It won't be enough to notice, and makes getting your bounty out again very easy.
Step 6: Test and Go
If you don't have any problems, you're good to go. Throw in your ice and head to the event.
Don't forget your vodka-soaked iceberg lettuce.... or I guess a watermelon injected with vodka would work much better.
Step 7: Like a Boss
The last place they're going to want to look is underneath your cooler, and even if they did, it will take the trained eye of someone making more than $12/hr to see the seal now that you've gently scuffed the bottom up a bit on the walk to the gates.
Find you and your friends a spot to set up camp. Get out your chairs and blankets and sunblock. Get comfy, you're going to be there all day.
...and when the mood strikes, get a friend to help you lift the cooler up and have another person use a car key to pop the bottom open. Your cooler will pay out like a slot machine and everyone sitting around you will probably get a lot friendlier. But hey, you have a whole handle to drink, what's the rush?