How to take over the world

Everyone wants to be the runner of the world. Because running the world is awesome. But first, you'll need some other awesome things to rule the world.

Step 1 Building an awesome army.

Not everyone is gonna want you to take over the world, so you'll need an army. You can make one from robots, aliens, and (although boring) humans. But humans need food, while robots can run off the sun, and aliens eat humans for substanince (but your not human, your pure awesomeness in the form of a human). Humans are also REALLY unreliable, so I'd try and get one of the first two choices.

Comments

[Lithium Rain]

Don't be hatin' on the Sponge and his awesome toilet seat covers!

[mattameo213]

(removed by author or community request)

[Lithium Rain]

Anyone who hates on the sponge (who has no underscore, by the way) is hating on me.

[kirahitler9]

sponge bob is AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Plo Koon]

SO TRUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Lithium Rain]

Yes!

[CapnTac]

Yeah! Sponge Bob rules! And so does Monk! (the T.V. show)

[hac]

I agree completely.

[FoolOfATook39]

xkcd wins.

[Plo Koon]

nice username, Pippin.

[Pfarmkid]

why waist peoples time on stuff like tthis

[tinker234]

whats the point it is funny to my family but i dont get it

[--= Excogitate =--]

Problem with robots: EMPs, Someone would track production, can be hacked, viable powersource.

Problem with aliens: They would probably take us over if they wanted anything contact at all.

Humans... I personally think they're the easiest resource: Tons of them, stupid on the whole, they will act out in self-preservation for the most part even if it means less liberty.

Anyway, I liked it :)

[TigerNod]

But humans have a tendency to turn against you fairly easely, so... Oh, and they are prone to "malfunction". And humans tend to be very stubborn too. And they are not very reliable, they often fail in making decisions.

PS: This comment may contain grammar failures.

[--= Excogitate =--]

Human have time and time again proven themselves to be willing tools. Machinery ultimately relies on the support of humans. And we all have the same fundimental animalistic motives that can be explioted by anyone with more resources. People are very reliable if you can convince them that what you want is what they want too.

[TigerNod]

Yeah... But I want to rule the world by my own. You can lie to humans that if you rule the world, everyone gets happy. But eventually, they will get inpatient, and want to kill you. It's just human nature. Again, there are much more problems with humans. Humans require food, water and rest. Humans can also have fear, mercy, or doubt; something which is not useful for supersoldiers trying to take over the world. Maybe a combination would be best. First you use humans to fight a global war to take over the world (which would also solve overpopulation, lol), and once you rule everything, you kill the human soldiers (or, turn them into zombies or cyborgs), destroy all the weapons they can use to kill you, and use robots and camera's to keep track of all their movements. It's the most cost efficient and pretty much fail-proof. Hehe.... Soon, I will rule the world! And I'll start at.... North Brabant! Yeah!

[nmooney]

But could't you RAISE the humans and have them obey your every comand? Like... have them call your Mother/Father and you could love them... AND them will do EVERYTHING to protect you, unless they think what you are doing is wrong... them execute her/him...

[TigerNod]

But the problem lies here:

"unless they think what you are doing is wrong"

If a smart human thinks what you are doing is wrong, obviously they aren't going to admit that right away. They keep it a secret, rally up others who think that way too, and then.... You have a coup 'd etat.

No, humans are unreliable beings in every single way. They must be registered as closely as possible: that is the only way to safely deal with them. Every dictator knows his greatest firend and his greatest enemy, is the crowd.

[92033]

"What are we going to do back at the laboratory, Brain?" "What we always do, Binky...plan to Take Over The World". [ Ahhh...I love that "Binky and The Brain" cartoon series ].

[TigerNod]

You can also use zombies. I used zombies in my attemt to take over the world, but then Superman came around and locked me up in prison. :-(

[BobicusIX]

But zombies might turn on you.  Robots you can have a auto destruct system if they begin to turn on you.

[TigerNod]

Hey, you have a point there. I'll try that out next time when I escape from prison >:-).

The only downside of robots when compared to zombies is, when zombies kill people, you have even more zombies. This doesn't work with robots.

[BobicusIX]

I think that robots are still better...... OR better yet zombie-robots! They will officially be called ZORbots.  That way, you can easily control them WHILE you gain more minions from the corpses, even though they might now be able to make every corpse a ZORbot.

[TigerNod]

That's a great idea! Also, they need no power source: the power source is the zombie itself! And they would look terrifying too!

[BobicusIX]

In the last sentence, are you talking about the individual zombies or my ZORbots?  By the way, i have finished my first stage of taking over the world. YAY!

[TigerNod]

I was talking about the zorbots. And by the way, congratulations!

[BobicusIX]

yes, the Zorbots are very efficient.  Stage two is now underway.  I will have mercy on you..... for now.....

[BobicusIX]

AND NO STEALING MY IDEA.  IT IS LEGALLY PROTECTED BY THE BOBICUS IX COPYRIGHT FOUNDATION.

If you try to make one you will be prosecuted.  Unless, of course, you kill me first and take the copyright papers that are sitting on my desk..... then you can use it.....

[Unit042]

You don't need an army if your mind control is good enough. Example: brainwash the coming generation (kids) and put them through a broken mass "educational system" and voila! Dummies who don't know their own rights, history, or language. (Example: 10-16 yr. olds from the USA who can't spell or use punctiation or capitalization worth a darn right here on this very site. No offense, I'm just using you guys as an example)

[BobicusIX]

I think you are correct about most of the 10-16 year olds, but eventually the kids will probably become immune to the brainwashing (because it usually only lasts for a short amount of time [also, you will need to create your own brainwashing techniques unless you take over Nickelodion{is that how you spell it? Gah, i hate un-spellable television stations}]), so eventually you will need an army.

[fordman15243]

haha, HEY! I am 14 and in fact know my rights more than most adults, have better spelling (I almost misspelled "spelling" *facepalm*) and better punctuation also! Yes, yes, I know you said the "no offence" thing, but I thought I'd reply just 'cause! :D

[Unit042]

You're an exception. I'm 17 and could always spell better than my siblings on most occasions. I also won a spelling bee against a couple of people who seemed to be twice my age. Well, they were twice my height at the time, so go figure. I was talking about those losers copying and pasting knex gun insrtuctibles all over the internet and etc. blah blah I'm ranting. I understand that nobody is perfect, and honest mistakes are made all the time. I'm just worked up about the complete and total ignorance of the English language right here, in our public schools! (Still no offense intended, it's not the students' fault) I'm homeschooled, just so you know.

[Unit042]

Oh, and a thought about the ible: Usually, you perform the subject material, THEN post instructions on how you did it. How come I haven't heard your commands yet, O master of ye globe? PS: the actual conquering/war raging could use a little more detail. And, on the other end of the scale, you don't need mind control, just loyal troops that like you for some reason, yet have completely independent minds and wills. For some reason, this type of grunt is less susceptible to spilling secrets and being converted to the other side.

[fordman15243]

OK, that explains why your English is better than average, parents always know how to teach their own kids better than anyone else, I guess I'm just a easy learner to actually absorb anything given to me, especially in public school!!!

[Unit042]

Oh, I take it you don't eat sugar O's then pretty much vibrate in your seat, get labeled with ADD or ADHD and get pumped full of tranquilizers and other miscellaneous unnecessary drugs?

[lupinesoul]

Was that an actual add campaign?!

[thefoodman]

 You posted this on my birthday!=)

[BrandonMao]

The resemblance is so close, it's creepy...

[NYPA]

Robotic dictatorship.

[Sergant Tinkers]

I would rather use super mutants than robots. Super mutants are huge and ugly