Introduction: How to Take Over the World

Picture of How to Take Over the World

Everyone wants to be the runner of the world. Because running the world is awesome. But first, you'll need some other awesome things to rule the world.

Step 1: Building an Awesome Army.

Picture of Building an Awesome Army.

Not everyone is gonna want you to take over the world, so you'll need an army. You can make one from robots, aliens, and (although boring) humans. But humans need food, while robots can run off the sun, and aliens eat humans for substanince (but your not human, your pure awesomeness in the form of a human). Humans are also REALLY unreliable, so I'd try and get one of the first two choices.

Step 2: Making Everyone Do What You Want.

Picture of Making Everyone Do What You Want.

Having a huge awesome army isn't enough though. Humans tend to be "brave", and seem to fight way to hard. So, your gonna have to have some sort of threat that would ruin their world, but not really affect you. Something like a death ray, a whole bunch of poison, a sun blocker, or a weird virus which could be released upon everyone. Be creative!

Step 3: Enslaving Everyone.

Picture of Enslaving Everyone.

Well, now you've got your threat to society, and an army to be your eyes, ears, and beating sticks (Ugly sticks to all you english people). Everyone should pretty much do what you want, and if not, kill them. Remember, when in doubt, shoot them in the head. Or get one of your army men to eat them. Whichever is more convenient. But don't forget, in order to instill fear, people have to live. Give everyone a required amount of child birth mark, and some food every now and then. Living slaves are commandable ones!

Step 4: Next Step, MIND CONTROL!

Picture of Next Step, MIND CONTROL!

Now that everyone is doing what you say, you need a more reliable source of awesomeness powers of control. You need to force them to do things. Remember, a man chooses, a slave obeys. And really, the mass people who fear you are men choosing to not get shot in the head.

So, get a group of scientist slaves to teach you everything about the mind, body, and science. Now, a true ruler would have found the error in that sentence. "But you should NEVER trust slaves!", is what one of them would be saying. And that's true. Get one of your robots/aliens/demented humans to learn everything there is about human mind control, and then get them to teach it to you. Robots and aliens will do it, and you wont have to fear that they will control you, because the human race is so small compared to theirs, it wouldn't be worth taking over. Humans though, I would be leary of. Them and their stupid reproductive systems.

Step 5: What Do You Do With This World?

Picture of What Do You Do With This World?

Well, whatever you want! Force people to be your lover, make people give you what you want! Make inequality awesome! Its your world, do with it what you want! Remember, this all started from you being more awesome than awesomeness itself! Robots are awesome. I would check out a few tutorials on them on here. Could come in handy someday.


ConstantG (author)2017-07-09

I will build the most powerful Exo-suit with the power to rearange the composition of atoms. destroy mars just for fun, slaughter an entire country, brain wash a couple billion people and turn them into weapon design and manufacturing slaves, then i will proceed to destroy the old and disabled humans until its only me and my army. I will then rebuild humanity the way it was ment to be.

Ben_McinnisC (author)2016-09-19

trained monkeys they are the answer. try it

trained animals might need food but i guess you could train them to eat the flesh of your enemies. they also would be loyal but probably not as dumb as humans. they also would need no wages and could be genetically modified to reproduce faster run faster and be awesome.

Omni DIY (author)2010-01-27

Problem with robots: EMPs, Someone would track production, can be hacked, viable powersource.

Problem with aliens: They would probably take us over if they wanted anything contact at all.

Humans... I personally think they're the easiest resource: Tons of them, stupid on the whole, they will act out in self-preservation for the most part even if it means less liberty.

Anyway, I liked it :)

TigerNod (author)Omni DIY2010-04-17

But humans have a tendency to turn against you fairly easely, so... Oh, and they are prone to "malfunction". And humans tend to be very stubborn too. And they are not very reliable, they often fail in making decisions.

PS: This comment may contain grammar failures.

Ialwaysmakeit (author)TigerNod2016-08-17

So the solution is to hire an engineer to build you a giant space ship that can wipe out the whole plantet and massacre everyone

Omni DIY (author)TigerNod2010-07-25

Human have time and time again proven themselves to be willing tools. Machinery ultimately relies on the support of humans. And we all have the same fundimental animalistic motives that can be explioted by anyone with more resources. People are very reliable if you can convince them that what you want is what they want too.

TigerNod (author)Omni DIY2010-07-27

Yeah... But I want to rule the world by my own. You can lie to humans that if you rule the world, everyone gets happy. But eventually, they will get inpatient, and want to kill you. It's just human nature. Again, there are much more problems with humans. Humans require food, water and rest. Humans can also have fear, mercy, or doubt; something which is not useful for supersoldiers trying to take over the world. Maybe a combination would be best. First you use humans to fight a global war to take over the world (which would also solve overpopulation, lol), and once you rule everything, you kill the human soldiers (or, turn them into zombies or cyborgs), destroy all the weapons they can use to kill you, and use robots and camera's to keep track of all their movements. It's the most cost efficient and pretty much fail-proof. Hehe.... Soon, I will rule the world! And I'll start at.... North Brabant! Yeah!

nmooney (author)TigerNod2011-03-05

But could't you RAISE the humans and have them obey your every comand? Like... have them call your Mother/Father and you could love them... AND them will do EVERYTHING to protect you, unless they think what you are doing is wrong... them execute her/him...

TigerNod (author)nmooney2011-03-10

But the problem lies here:

"unless they think what you are doing is wrong"

If a smart human thinks what you are doing is wrong, obviously they aren't going to admit that right away. They keep it a secret, rally up others who think that way too, and then.... You have a coup 'd etat.

No, humans are unreliable beings in every single way. They must be registered as closely as possible: that is the only way to safely deal with them. Every dictator knows his greatest firend and his greatest enemy, is the crowd.

MocoaC (author)2016-04-06

Hey, I need help on taking over a town. Any tips? I need to do this because 1. start small end big, and 2. I need small armies first with limited rebellion(Preferably human) BUT I would not like to kill anyone. If anyone is in on joining, I require that you know how to shoot to disable and not to kill. And maybe a few medics encase people start a rebellion. If you do get jumped you may kill them but make it painful and do it in front of a lot of people, give them a lesson just to strike fear into their hearts to weaken them and teach them not to rebel. Ok, thank you!

JustinH143 (author)MocoaC2016-07-10

There is no way for you to take control with out resistance if you want to rule you must make an example of the first rebellion You can Slaughter them or take a peaceful approach but be warned if you do this your rule will become weak and many will abandon you if i were you i would torturer them on a broadcast to other rebellion groups if caught they will suffer the same why their predecessors did, but that's what i will do one day anyway.

Hmmm, I can see how this works. But I need a way to eradicate humanity, not just enslave them also, my Lobster army is better then anything you thought of....(V) (;,,;) (V)

Cyborg genetically enhanced time travelling duck army. BRING IT ON

Or instead of taking over this rarther usless and polluted world Collonise maras with Cyberorg Duck (thats what im doing after i have taken this world.)



Put tungsten Rod kinetic launchers in orbit. Detonate EMP over all world powers (any with ICBM/orbital capability) aim Tungsten rods at global oil supplies tell world super powers to surrender or you will fire, aim some at world supwer powers fire anyway.

then make robots, (Or genetically engineer super oibdientent to you killer cyborg ducks to enslave rest of human race) live happily in space and occasionly come down to earth for visits.

Oh and then murder the entire human race. (Except for anyone who commented on this post) and then allow ducks and animals to rule.

World war 3 beginer (author)2015-10-24

I will tell u how to take over the world?
Step1:kill and have no mercy
Step2:take over the powerful countries
And to do all that ur gonna need about $50000000

The best answer

World war 3 beginer (author)2015-10-24

You don't need robots make the humans be ur army tell them be my slave or DIE?

Veritatem AnteO (author)2015-08-10

Hmm, thanks for the inspiration. I think I'll go with:
1.) Gene engineer HIV virus to be airborne/more virulent
2.) Engineered common Cold virus to finish them
3.) Offer cure to those who swear loyalty.
4.) Profit. :D
Capitalist system taught me well.

may i be that engineer

aidasb (author)2015-04-27

FennecD (author)2015-03-18

Has no one thought of giving your robots adaptive AI? Then you could teach them new methods of disposing of people, and anything else faster, instead of trusting someone to reprogram them, and they would never be 'Out of Order', just postpone their training if an uprising of people does occur.

Little_saiton (author)2015-03-17

Amazing although I think you should start at a small area like a shopping centre and threaten them with a knife

IBreatheAir (author)2015-01-01



Lithium Rain (author)2008-07-18

Anyone who hates on the sponge (who has no underscore, by the way) is hating on me.

kirahitler9 (author)Lithium Rain2009-02-01

sponge bob is AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Plo Koon (author)kirahitler92011-12-28

SO TRUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lithium Rain (author)kirahitler92009-02-01


CapnTac (author)Lithium Rain2008-08-02

Yeah! Sponge Bob rules! And so does Monk! (the T.V. show)

FoolOfATook39 (author)2009-06-03

xkcd wins.

Plo Koon (author)FoolOfATook392011-12-28

nice username, Pippin.

Pfarmkid (author)2011-10-14

why waist peoples time on stuff like tthis

tinker234 (author)2011-05-24

whats the point it is funny to my family but i dont get it

92033 (author)2010-06-23

"What are we going to do back at the laboratory, Brain?" "What we always do, Binky...plan to Take Over The World". [ Ahhh...I love that "Binky and The Brain" cartoon series ].

TigerNod (author)2010-03-11

You can also use zombies. I used zombies in my attemt to take over the world, but then Superman came around and locked me up in prison. :-(

BobicusIX (author)TigerNod2010-04-16

But zombies might turn on you.  Robots you can have a auto destruct system if they begin to turn on you.

TigerNod (author)BobicusIX2010-04-17

Hey, you have a point there. I'll try that out next time when I escape from prison >:-).

The only downside of robots when compared to zombies is, when zombies kill people, you have even more zombies. This doesn't work with robots.

BobicusIX (author)TigerNod2010-04-17

I think that robots are still better...... OR better yet zombie-robots! They will officially be called ZORbots.  That way, you can easily control them WHILE you gain more minions from the corpses, even though they might now be able to make every corpse a ZORbot.

TigerNod (author)BobicusIX2010-04-17

That's a great idea! Also, they need no power source: the power source is the zombie itself! And they would look terrifying too!

BobicusIX (author)TigerNod2010-04-17

In the last sentence, are you talking about the individual zombies or my ZORbots?  By the way, i have finished my first stage of taking over the world. YAY!

TigerNod (author)BobicusIX2010-04-18

I was talking about the zorbots. And by the way, congratulations!

BobicusIX (author)TigerNod2010-04-18

yes, the Zorbots are very efficient.  Stage two is now underway.  I will have mercy on you..... for now.....

BobicusIX (author)BobicusIX2010-04-17


If you try to make one you will be prosecuted.  Unless, of course, you kill me first and take the copyright papers that are sitting on my desk..... then you can use it.....

Unit042 (author)2008-07-17

You don't need an army if your mind control is good enough. Example: brainwash the coming generation (kids) and put them through a broken mass "educational system" and voila! Dummies who don't know their own rights, history, or language. (Example: 10-16 yr. olds from the USA who can't spell or use punctiation or capitalization worth a darn right here on this very site. No offense, I'm just using you guys as an example)

BobicusIX (author)Unit0422010-04-17

I think you are correct about most of the 10-16 year olds, but eventually the kids will probably become immune to the brainwashing (because it usually only lasts for a short amount of time [also, you will need to create your own brainwashing techniques unless you take over Nickelodion{is that how you spell it? Gah, i hate un-spellable television stations}]), so eventually you will need an army.

fordman15243 (author)Unit0422008-07-18

haha, HEY! I am 14 and in fact know my rights more than most adults, have better spelling (I almost misspelled "spelling" *facepalm*) and better punctuation also! Yes, yes, I know you said the "no offence" thing, but I thought I'd reply just 'cause! :D

Unit042 (author)fordman152432008-07-19

You're an exception. I'm 17 and could always spell better than my siblings on most occasions. I also won a spelling bee against a couple of people who seemed to be twice my age. Well, they were twice my height at the time, so go figure. I was talking about those losers copying and pasting knex gun insrtuctibles all over the internet and etc. blah blah I'm ranting. I understand that nobody is perfect, and honest mistakes are made all the time. I'm just worked up about the complete and total ignorance of the English language right here, in our public schools! (Still no offense intended, it's not the students' fault) I'm homeschooled, just so you know.

Unit042 (author)Unit0422008-07-20

Oh, and a thought about the ible: Usually, you perform the subject material, THEN post instructions on how you did it. How come I haven't heard your commands yet, O master of ye globe? PS: the actual conquering/war raging could use a little more detail. And, on the other end of the scale, you don't need mind control, just loyal troops that like you for some reason, yet have completely independent minds and wills. For some reason, this type of grunt is less susceptible to spilling secrets and being converted to the other side.

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