Every day, millions of people's brains get confused and blow up all because they didn't know how to turn on their really advanced calculator (RAC), known by the incredibly vulgar name "Computer". Don't become a statistic. Become a computer turner-onner!

Step 1: Getting Ready

Now, before turning on your RAC, you should fill out a Pre-Turn-Report, or PTI. Many companies manufacture PTIs, so it's impossible to say what you'll have to fill out, but here is a general list of things you can expect to encounter when filling out a PTI:

Medical Issues
Social Security No.
Driver's License Number
Time spent with George W Bush and how many crates of computers you smashed with him.
Previous computer use and experience

You can usually get books filled with hundreds of PTI forms, but they won't be found in your local Staples. You must order one Via Telephone from Bill's Hobby Shop and Tavern, 1601 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington Dc. Ask for Vinnie and Joe, they'll hook you up.
<p>You big dummy.</p>

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