Introduction: How to Have Sex
Here we are, getting instructables.com all dirtied up, we're here mostly to give a general overview and guide to help young people with sex, it's not something that's easy to talk about and those biology classes aren't exactly helpful...
This 'ible will cover a fair few things about the holy of holies, such as protection and safety, where, when and how, the feelings involved, the act itself and the aftermath.
"Experience is not what happens to a man; it is what a man does with what happens to him."
- Aldous Huxley
- Are you looking at this at work? I'd suggest turning back now before it's too late and you start yelling at us. :)
- In this Ible, explicit content will be discussed. As we assume you are a law-abiding citizen, you must be 13 or older to be viewing this Ible, so we are trying to keep this at about a PG13 level.
- This Ible was written by three heterosexual males, and one heterosexual female. We will try to cover homosexual sex to the best of our abilities - or our cut and paste abilities, and also try to make this Ible useful for girls. At the end of this Ible we will have a section of links to more information.
- Have you got problems with seeing this Ible? Push the ALT key on your keyboard, and while holding it down press F4, if you don't like it, don't read it!
Step 1: Why We Made This Instructable
You may wonder why we have published this Ible. This is why:
Too many people try to have sex without knowing how to do it properly. That is why there are so many sexually frustrated people... and extra babies... in this world then there aught to be.
Well you might say that an 'ible on sex, not only is a bit late in arriving, but is a bit of a controversy on its own, because this is a DoITYourself site, the exact opposite of sex, you might say it isn't right on that basis. But then you must also consider this is a how-to site, and on that basis this Ible is much needed addition.
It's also a very pertinent instructable since the younger members of the site (13+) will starting to be having these issues and we'd be very bad people not to give them the help of four depraved monsters from around the world.
Step 2: Cleanliness Is Next to Sexiness
Before indulging in each other, its nice to smell/look/feel clean. Have a shower, wash your hair, hell, even brush your teeth! This can also be a substitute for foreplay, try showering with your significant other, by washing them, even brush their teeth, (I don't know what you would get out of that but w/e)
Be sure to wash everywhere, and yes, clean extra well down there.
Whilst showering, trim up your facial hair and other slightly, sometimes unsightly, hairy areas...
Actually enjoying a shower with your partner post coitus is better (IMO) but you should be clean when you arrive at this point unless you have both got good reasons like living in bins.
Shave Your Parts
Not Generally Recommended
Step 3: Sex Basics
Right, you wanna have sex, but you don't know how to.
Well you don't just jump right in, kissing them is a start...
Don't know how?
Next you need to make out. Don't know how?
Next you need protection. So we'll start with the most basic. Once you've mastered this, feel free to move along!
Step 4: Birth Control and Protection!
For guys, you are mostly limited to condoms or spermicide, unless you're planning on getting a permanent snip. ;)
For girls, there are many, many possibilities. These are just a few:
- must be taken for three weeks out of a month in most cases - some newer birth control pills offer less periods and therefore more active pills.
- this is a very effective method if taken around the same time everyday, with no skipped pills.
- this is one of the cheapest methods of birth control for women.
- for more information: Planned Parenthood's page for the pill.
- a newer birth control method - you wear a small square patch on your body for three weeks out of the month. You change it every week.
- you'll wear it on your upper arm or back, lower stomach or buttocks.
- this is a better option for you if you're forgetful - but be aware that your skin may react badly if you're allergic to adhesives! (It left me with huge red welts!)
- this is slightly more expensive than the pill, especially if you don't have insurance.
- for more information: Planned Parenthood's page for the patch.
- this is quite expensive, but very effective and quick.
- you'll get this every three months.
- for more information: Planned Parenthood's page for the shot.
- this is also a newer form of birth control.
- this is a small, flexible ring that you insert into the vagina. You leave it in for three weeks and remove it during the fourth week.
- for more information: Planned Parenthood's page for the ring.
You can find more information on Planned Parenthood's website, along with tons of advice.
I also highly recommend using a mixture of birth controls - for example, a condom and the pill. This will both protect you from disease and provide a backup in case of condom breakage!
Step 5: Foreplay...
A Male's Perspective...
Masturbation - Female, fingering...
This one isn't hard it in comparison to some, your fingers are highly developed and very dexterous, plus reasonably sensitive.
Don't just shove them straight in, that could be damaging, rub up and down the vagina, play
with her clitoris (small bump near the top, different in every girl but more pronounced when aroused.) You need to get her wet, this is a natural response which is there for good reason...
Once she's warmed up, start moving your finger in and out, I'd suggest the middle finger, it's longer and quite manoeuvrable, start by going up and rubbing along the top gently while sliding in and out.
If one finger is snug enough then do it a few times before moving to two, this does have it's merits, a smaller amount of pain, traded for less when sex comes around...
The G-spot and other little irregularities... First off the G-spot does exist, it's usually 2-3inches above the vaginal opening, feels almost spongey, though I say not quite like that... It does feel different from other bits and has no ends of pleasures for most women... If you can reach it without straining your hand up constantly then rub it gently and let them enjoy. If you can't reach without straining then go in and out gently and just rub up and down in passing.
There are other little bits that can be just as fun, vaginas, much like people are individuals, if you feel little bumps or maybe a little outcrop, play with and watch for reaction, some are very sensitive.
If your partner feels like directing you allow them to, they know it better than anyone else, especially if you're new to the game, listen also, always be reactionary, if you're exploring a bit and there's a little spot they really like play with it.
Variation, don't sit and do the same thing constantly vary it a little, maybe now and again slow down to almost dead stop then start on something they really love, get them wound up, masturbation is for fun, that's it's main point...
A final not about such things, don't put a finger in and go in and out like you're having a seizure, it's usually painful for them because the rest of your hand is effectively punching their crotch and they probably wont enjoy it that much like that, if you're asked to then consider it...
A Female's Perspective...
As the boys have already said, it is going to take a longer time for a girl to warm up than it will for a guy. Guys can take little or no stimulation - girls are usually more high maintenance. Arousal can occur in many ways for girls - through clitoral stimulation, vaginal penetration, or simply kissing and rubbing. Every girl will react differently and that's the key - pay attention to how your partner is reacting!
I'm assuming most of the people who read this instructable will need to learn the basics so I'm not going to focus on more complex things like the infamous G spot - I think it's more important to know little things to make foreplay more enjoyable for everyone involved.
Tips for foreplay:
- Communication and trying different things - this is so important, especially for your first time period or with a new partner. You need to learn what they like. Trying kissing, rubbing, sucking, etc. in different areas and measure your partner's reactions. The breasts, buttocks, neck, thighs, etc. are good places to start!
- Start with your hands and move to oral if both partners are comfortable with it. Most people find hand stimulation to be a good alternative to oral when starting out. Guys need to make sure they don't rush too much when it comes to fingering - slow and easy is the best route at first - at least until the girl is aroused enough. Also - cut those nails and make sure your hands are clean! And remember to watch her reaction! Girls - don't be too rough. Moving up and down too quickly and with too much friction can seriously smart!
- Don't be afraid to ask your partner to demonstrate what they like if communication is lacking.
- And most importantly - make sure everyone involved is okay with moving forward before heading that way. Both parties should be properly aroused or things could get clumsy and complicated! ;)
This is a good precursor to sex and can be awfully similar in some cases...
This can be any number of different things, mostly oral isn't as simple, it involves someone being upside down, not to mention height differences and the distraction complications or head injuries...
There is little separate advice to add or this except, if you're both doing hand stuff it's easier if the guy's arm goes over the girls, partly because guys have longer arms in most cases and partly due to the actions involved...
Step 6: The First Time...
it's a big deal, in a lot of ways anyway...
You'll no doubt be nervy as hell and worrying about doing something wrong, that's natural...
To help with all of this and to have an enjoyable first time where things don't go horribly wrong...
So to start with make it somewhere you're both comfortable, like one of your houses, nowhere stupid like a library, have protection wherever it's likely to be and for a start never push it, letting it happen is a much less damaging experience for the less ready partner...
If it's her first time (regardless of being yours or not) then consider these things...
You shouldn't be jumping straight in. Foreplay is essential, otherwise you'll be tense and not ready." Foreplay allows your body to prepare itself and loosen up a little. Also the guy should honestly torture you a bit, teasing and whatnot, not to get you all horny and crazy but to get you wet, so it hurts less. (Because if it's the first time it will hurt but a bit, but foreplay will help a little with the enjoyment factor as well as lessen the hurt, a lot of which is down to the guy to help with.)
Guys: You play a very important part in a girls first time, being the Do-ER you have the most control over how all this goes so you should take it easy and go slow, most of it about getting in without her ripping chunks out of your shoulders in pain... Take it slow and push gently, at first barely thrust at all and very slowly build up, don't move suddenly just go slow, if it hurts for her too much move back a bit until it's not as bad, don't jump right out or jerk back, it'll hurt more...
Another thing to note...
Don't go into your first time thinking you're going to be some super performing porn star sex god. More often than not, the first time is quick and mostly a learning experience. (All the more reason to have a lot of foreplay beforehand!) Just go with the flow and don't worry too much about the way you're performing. The first time is not the last time you'll do this - you'll get better with time!
Step 7: Sex Positions
- Missionary Position
- Doggy Style
- Cowgirl Style
- Legs up
Here's a good wiki page with lots of information, as well. Just don't click at work. ;)
List of Sex Positions
who am I kidding, sex is fun in any position....
Step 8: Oral Sex
So guys this one isn't as common, sure girls love it but a lot of people seem to be against these days, why exactly?
Anyway, there are two schools of thought here, you can either stay up a little and be all gentle and ticklish, or you can go to work... Either way a few things to remember would be, cock your head to one side, the same you kiss with is generally easier, while you're working your way down it's nice to tease and kiss her, personal choice there but... So once you're down there it's a case of just getting stuck in really, start gently, about the middle, run your tongue up and down, finding where she likes it the most. If it's nearer the top try rolling your tongue over the clitoris, it will be easy enough to find because your tongue is helpfully sensitive. If you find she enjoys being licked out nearer the actual opening then try applying more pressure with your tongue and rolling it in and out of her, for lack of a better word, hole...
This does take practice, though some get it straight away it's one of the lesser spoken of sexual acts, mainly down to most dude having something against it.
Some other things to consider, breathing, you'll find that unless you have a very long tongue or nose you'll not actually be able to breathe through your nose pressed against her thigh, best bet the trick is to breathe through your moth periodically by using a sort of smiling motion, allowing you to continue without interruption by moving your head or suffocation...
Well, first of all - is your partner circumsized or not? This can alter the way you perform oral sex.
As with the vagina, the penis can be stimulated in many ways. Every guy will prefer something a bit different. So yet again - ask for preferences or find them out yourself through experimenting.
Make sure you don't scrape your teeth on the skin or push yourself too hard - gagging isn't fun for anyone. And, yet again, this is not porn. Learn what works for you and your partner and go with that! ;)
Some suggestions for fellatio:
- Remember that you can use your hands and your mouth and the same time - just try to keep them working together and not against one another!
- Try focusing on different areas of the penis - the head, the shaft, a mixture of both.
- You don't have to just go up and down - try "swirling", using your tongue, etc.
- Alternate between your mouth and hands. Sometimes you'll find that your lips might get a bit numb or your forearm will start cramping if you go too long.
- Make sure you're keeping the saliva level in check - not too much, not too little. :)
Step 9: Anal Sex, Yep Butt Stuff...
'There's always time for Lube!' - If you don't get that you may be a little young for this...
First thing you need to know, the anus does not have any natural lubrication what so ever, so lubricant is a must, and spit won't suffice. (For the 50th time, remember this isn't porn, haha! :D) Just nip down to the diaper aisle next time your at your grocer and get a bottle of Astroglide. Next thing you need to know, and this applies to both straight and gay sex, ALWAYS WEAR A CONDOM. Sure you aren't gonna get her/him pregnant back there, but a large number of creepy crawlies live in the rear, it's just not a grand idea to go back there without protection. Same goes for fingering, wear a disposable glove. As for analingus, wear a dental dam please...
Getting warmed up for it:
Foreplay is a must. It helps the muscles relax, and it builds up anticipation for penetration. Same as vaginal sex, don't just ram in there porno star style, gently ease in and use lots of lube. Same goes for fingers and anything else getting stuck up there...
Why would anyone want to do it back there? For starters, the anus is VERY sensitive, even more so in guys because of the prostate. And no, you aren't gay just because you like it back there. Why do guys want to go into a girl? It's something new, and the anus is tighter than the vagina. Why would a guy want it up his? Did I not mention that it's very sensitive? There are lots of items available for purchase that allow female penetration of a male, and it's well worth looking into.
Step 10: Gay and Lesbian Sex
Gay and lesbian couples can use any of the techniques described in the previous steps - just remember your protection! Sure, the pregnancy scare is out, but the threat of disease is ever present. Females are at less of a risk than males, but it is still important to be careful. :)
As none of us can say we've got proper experience with this subject, we have instead searched the internets high and low and tried to find some good resources for you guys! The sad thing is that we couldn't find many that weren't direct links to porn or hate groups - might I recommend looking on amazon for books if you're really curious and these links don't help? The have a Joy of Sex for both gays and lesbians, and I really think they're worth looking into!
After asing around and calling in a few favors (if you don't see me for a few days, it might be because I had to help someone move a body), we have some more data.
Ladies, apparently sex toys aren't as popular as certain publications would have you assume. General advice seems to be to leave that stuff at home, at least for the first few times. So I guess that makes the "foreplay" part all the more important. A lot of guys, when they get her bra off the first time, will just go at it like they're making mashed potatoes. This tendency seems to be less pronounced among lesbians, presumably because they've got a set, too. But good advice seems to be to be gentle, and if you're going to play with her breasts, to not try and smash them into one-- slow circles around the nipple are a popular tactic. Advice for oral is to remember to visit someplace above the waist every one and a while, probably continuing with your hand. As we've reminded several times throughout the 'ible, it's not porn: for porn they leave space for camera shots. Don't do that.
Guys: Lots of lube! Because of the physics of a rear entry, there is considerably less face-to-face time. It is apparently acceptable to masturbate while being entered from behind, but it seems to be personal preference. The other thing to do is to have the more active partner reach around and perform fellatio. I hear the physics of this can get rather awkward. Mutual masturbation, being considerably less risky, also seems popular. So is oral. One fellow specifically asked me to say "don't try to 69 the first time".
Any time it's anal, all disease risk is increased substantially. So for the guys, even if he says its his first time, wearing a rubber is the best plan. It seems like even though dudes usually don't like the idea, most of them will wear one, period. Fun fact that I didn't really need to know: being uncirumcised inreases risk.
Speaking of disease, if you're going to be sharing a sex toy, putting a new condom on it is a good plan. We all know that things kind of tend to get mixed up in the shuffle (umm... where are my glasses?), but it's not unreasonable.
I found the about.com links the most informative as the articles as written in a very friendly and helpful manner. They answer many of the questions people are likely to ask. :D
Please note that most of these links will link to explicit material, either in the text or the ads that pop up due to keywords. Click at your own risk.
Lesbian Life @ About.com
First time lesbian sex tips!
Google Book Search preview of "The Whole Lesbian Sex Book"
Gay Life @ About.com
Gay Sex - A How-to Guide
Safer sex fact sheets.
Step 11: The Aftermath.
Ok so you've gone and you've done the deed...
Don't run terrified or just up and leave post coitus, lie back with your partner and feel satisfied about having just enjoyed on of life's pleasures, revel in the fact that both of you are lying together naked, sweaty and a little less pent up.
If something went horribly wrong, sit there when you are ready to talk, do so, babbling and freaking out wouldn't be a good thing at this point...
Talk to your partner, even if it's not about sex...
When you are ready to move, you'll probably realize you're hungry as hell, especially if you went for a few rounds, this is not the time to hit the gym or the road, go down and get some food, replace those nutrients...
Things that go down well after sex:
- Coffee (Also keeps us dudes from nodding off afters)
- Chocolate (Comes up there in a similar category for some reason)
- Pasta (it's easy as hell to make)
- A hearty steak (Big eat then sleep)
Most of the point that's supposed to be coming across here is that hanging around a bit is a good thing, not only that but slobbing around after a good session is something to be enjoyed in itself, that and having another human lying as naked as you, lying beside you is nice... If you did go really nuts or happen to be a more active perspirer then maybe have a shower together.
Other parts of business, dispose of condoms and other paraphernalia, in a bin think about how nasty it'd be to find that in a week, worse for a relative to find it...
If there were any minor hiccups during then a little bit of fun after is always a good systems check, on both sides...
Any unexplained fires should be extinguished quickly and efficiently, otherwise the smoke alarm will interrupt that perfect moment that makes you realize the world is just mostly bad...
Step 12: Further Info
Here are some sites with further information n the subject of sex:
Mid West Teen Sex Show ~ Informative podcast/streaming vids, VERY FUNNY
Scarlet Teen ~ Very informative website, a lot of tips for girls
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, articles on sex ~ Informative, geeky
Avert.org - AIDS and HIV information.
Teen Wire - Planned Parenthood's site for teens.
Sex Education for Teens, written by Teens @ Sex, Etc.
Step 13: STD/STI Testing Resources
So maybe you're worried that you haven't been as careful as you should be?
There are many places to go for help. Many clinics will do testing anonymously, and you can also get tested through your regular physician. If you're a student, you can often get tested at a health center on or near campus for free.
I'd suggest using local resources to find clinics, but you can also check online.
There are also many great sites with basic information about sexually transmitted diseases, some of which I'll link to here:
Webmd and Mayo Clinic are also great resources.
However - if you're really worried - get help! I cannot stress this enough. Be responsible about this and get yourself treated - it'll help you in the long run and it'll save your later partners a lot of grief as well. :)
Step 14: Who Made This Anyway?
(Photos correspond to descriptions)
Jared, 16 years old, Not really sexually active, rather conservative. I'm mediocre in school, pretty skilled in Drafting & Design, creative, inventive, undecided with much, opinionated on more. I know most of the instructable community, but I would like to know more about everyone. :D
Jessy, 24 years old, pro-choice, sexually active. I'm a public health educator, and therefore I spend a ton of time talking about this stuff. I've seen more STI pictures than I care to remember. I'm hoping that soon we'll have something else in schools instead of "abstinence only" sex "education"... until then I'll just keep spouting off about safe sex and choices and responsibility. Someone is bound to listen. :D (Let it also be said that she enjoys giving the stink face to piles of books.)
Adam Kelly, 19 years old, Active, to say the least, probably a little to liberal about my morals but I'm young... Other than that what would you rather hear, guy that worked on this was at home on a Saturday night, researching pick up lines? Thankfully he wasn't...
Tony, 16 years old, semi-active (it comes in bursts of lots of activity, then absolutely none), and pro don't-get-her-pregnant-before-marriage-and-you-won't-have-any-problems. I'm a dangerously volatile mix of 25% nerd, 25% fighter, 25% lover, and (who'd guess?) 25% rogue. I call myself a jack of all trades, who recently found he's fairly skilled at massages, with a preference for evasive tactics, pizza topped with mushroom, jalapenos , and pepperoni, IBC Root Beer, slim athletic types, and meaningful relationships... with lot's of meaningful sex.
Rishnai, a teenager who's still, umm... working on it. Pro-choice, pro-keep-your-religion-to-yourself-not-the-rest-of-us.
We have a be nice policy.
Please be positive and constructive.