How to have sex

 by killerjackalope
sex 'ible cover pic.jpg
486px-Symbols-Venus-Mars-joined-together.png
In this Instructable we will try to give a general guide to the basics around sex.

Here we are, getting instructables.com all dirtied up, we're here mostly to give a general overview and guide to help young people with sex, it's not something that's easy to talk about and those biology classes aren't exactly helpful...

This 'ible will cover a fair few things about the holy of holies, such as protection and safety, where, when and how, the feelings involved, the act itself and the aftermath.

"Experience is not what happens to a man; it is what a man does with what happens to him."
- Aldous Huxley

Warning


  • Are you looking at this at work? I'd suggest turning back now before it's too late and you start yelling at us. :)
  • In this Ible, explicit content will be discussed. As we assume you are a law-abiding citizen, you must be 13 or older to be viewing this Ible, so we are trying to keep this at about a PG13 level.
  • This Ible was written by three heterosexual males, and one heterosexual female. We will try to cover homosexual sex to the best of our abilities - or our cut and paste abilities, and also try to make this Ible useful for girls. At the end of this Ible we will have a section of links to more information.
  • Have you got problems with seeing this Ible? Push the ALT key on your keyboard, and while holding it down press F4, if you don't like it, don't read it!
 
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Step 1: Why We Made This Instructable

kissing_f.jpg
You may wonder why we have published this Ible. This is why:

Too many people try to have sex without knowing how to do it properly. That is why there are so many sexually frustrated people... and extra babies... in this world then there aught to be.

Well you might say that an 'ible on sex, not only is a bit late in arriving, but is a bit of a controversy on its own, because this is a Do IT Yourself site, the exact opposite of sex, you might say it isn't right on that basis. But then you must also consider this is a how-to site, and on that basis this Ible is much needed addition.

It's also a very pertinent instructable since the younger members of the site (13+) will starting to be having these issues and we'd be very bad people not to give them the help of four depraved monsters from around the world.
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ilpug says: Mar 6, 2012. 9:12 PM
The majority of the internet needs to read this.

You should have included the XKCD comic with the guy saying "Penises are about this big, now as a culture, lets get over ourselves"

Covered all the bases.

Pun most definitely intended.
killerjackalope (author) in reply to ilpugMar 6, 2012. 9:29 PM
Thanks, I believe that was published some time after this...

Well about the only way to find it is on my author page... It has been unindexed on the search page, the link works anywhere though.
ilpug in reply to killerjackalopeMar 7, 2012. 9:22 AM
I was wondering why I hadn't seen this, but I understand. Possible to find if you look for this kind of thing, but too much actually useful info for people to just toss it off the site.
FlatLinerMEDIC says: Feb 12, 2012. 1:01 PM
Coitous-big bang theory- never coming out of my mouth=)
smilet1na says: Mar 14, 2010. 6:35 AM
fowarding link to ex boyfriend right away.
hehe, thanks :)
killerjackalope (author) in reply to smilet1naMar 14, 2010. 5:23 PM
Ha, glad to be of service *tips cap...

 
abadfart says: Jun 1, 2009. 9:25 PM
very good my school told us condoms don't work so no one used them and a bunch of girls got pregnant. there not that hard to buy, instead of being ashamed just think "now its time for sex"
santy22 says: Jan 13, 2009. 8:18 AM
i lol'd at the XKCD comics..
kamagra says: Jan 4, 2009. 5:58 AM
(removed by author or community request)
killerjackalope (author) in reply to kamagraJan 4, 2009. 7:13 AM
Don't spam here (flagged)
Jouda Mann says: Dec 26, 2008. 3:33 AM
As a 30-something man with two daughters who will, despite all my efforts to the contrary, be moving into a sexual awakening soon, this is an excellent effort on the part of you young people to help others be informed and proactive. No mistakes, all very common sense stuff, with appropriate links provided. And the most refreshing piece of all: nothing on abstinence only! Good for all of you. I could ask for a rewrite for grammar, but other than that, it's a beautiful 'ible.
killerjackalope (author) in reply to Jouda MannDec 26, 2008. 8:08 AM
At some point I'll attack the grammar with RS...

Abstinence doesn't work, it just delays problems...

Thanks a lot for the compliments we all worked hard on this one, though when I saw the start of the comment As a 30-something man with two daughters I was expecting a haranguing...
Jouda Mann says: Dec 26, 2008. 3:09 AM
In this section on gay and lesbian sex, the best picture you could find is a hovering screw of anal torture?
The_Beast says: Dec 20, 2008. 7:52 PM
If you replaced Jared name with mine it would sound exactly the same, especially about the drafting and design Great Instructable
killerjackalope (author) in reply to The_BeastDec 20, 2008. 8:24 PM
Thanks mate... We all did our work, getting it to an 'ibles appropriate level was hard I had to put clothes on the diagrams, we all wrote and re-wrote...

Hmm, not sure his description still holds true... It's been a while...
ChemGuy45 says: Nov 23, 2008. 8:01 PM
Haha, loved the 'ible. Kind of funny that living in California I actually had a class in high school (a public one) that went over a lot of this stuff. Education is definitely better than abstinence... Definitely... Knowledge is power and people preaching abstinence really need to start being realistic.
killerjackalope (author) in reply to ChemGuy45Nov 23, 2008. 8:59 PM
I've met some people who "abstained" one has a kid and one has a disease... Education wins, telling teenagers not to do it is not going to stop them, teaching them to be smart is much easier in the long run...
Firebert010 says: Sep 15, 2008. 5:16 PM
I can't conceive Bumpus actually writing this. KJ I can see, Rishnai I don't know, and knowing Jessy isn't all innocent scares me. Great collab, congrats and GREAT SUCCESS!
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jessyratfink in reply to Firebert010Nov 21, 2008. 1:03 PM
Aww, it's okay, I scare a lot of people that way. And seeing as I'm the old lady in this collaboration, I'd be more worried if I was completely innocent at this point in my life. ;)
KentsOkay in reply to Firebert010Oct 28, 2008. 6:04 AM
I was so not mentioned...
Firebert010 in reply to KentsOkayNov 6, 2008. 4:27 PM
Apologies!!! YOU ARE A SEX GOD
KentsOkay in reply to Firebert010Nov 6, 2008. 6:33 PM
:D
killerjackalope (author) in reply to Firebert010Sep 16, 2008. 1:59 AM
Weird preconceived notions there, by the way you forgot rocketscientist... What made you think jessy was innocent, LED pasties, general rat finkery... Rishnai is a latecomer to the collaboration but he's added some great stuff...
Firebert010 in reply to killerjackalopeSep 16, 2008. 6:41 PM
I know, but seeing as she's arguably the most active/attractive female (with respect to Canida and any others I forgot), knowing more of her intimate details, however obvious they were, was a bit of a shocker, needless as it may be. By the way, your (I'm assuming it was you, can't imagine any of the others saying it) comment "Anyway, there are two schools of thought here, you can either stay up a little and be all gentle and ticklish, or you can go to work..." made me laugh like I haven't in weeks. Comedy genius, or maybe just hit some weird nerve with me. All-in-all, still a great 'Ible, I'd like to see you guys work together in the future.
killerjackalope (author) in reply to Firebert010Sep 20, 2008. 3:46 AM
or maybe just hit some weird nerve with me. - Shouldn't it be hitting some nerve with her, I'm worried now...

Well you have to remember that all of us are at the end of the day human, and do have a particular draw towards "the sex"...

What would we do next as a collab anyway?
Firebert010 in reply to killerjackalopeSep 21, 2008. 4:52 PM
I don't know, go more in depth. Specific positions. Now THAT"S pushing the limit!
the-super-reaper says: Oct 21, 2008. 10:12 PM
why is this a necessity
Obviously the equation goes as such
Killerjackalope instructables=the sex
so thats all you have to do
is post an instructable about how you post instructables!
killerjackalope (author) in reply to the-super-reaperOct 27, 2008. 4:14 PM
So I have to post an 'ible that is about posting 'ibles that end up the sex, but will that 'ible end up the sex?
jongscx says: Oct 26, 2008. 8:22 PM
... Nice...
aaronscottaugustinhotmail.com says: Oct 18, 2008. 9:04 AM
this was very helpfull for me thanks :)
killerjackalope (author) in reply to aaronscottaugustinhotmail.comOct 18, 2008. 9:18 AM
Cool, good stuff.
friendtoyou says: Oct 18, 2008. 1:17 AM
(removed by author or community request)
killerjackalope (author) in reply to friendtoyouOct 18, 2008. 5:57 AM
No spam please.
daniel master says: Sep 28, 2008. 2:27 PM
perverts
killerjackalope (author) in reply to daniel masterSep 28, 2008. 3:44 PM
Now badgers are perverts, how come we are ?
sadunpererarules says: Sep 20, 2008. 3:39 AM
haha. u guys rock. n just ruined the magic of it. haha. hw did u make that last pic?with that guy n da girl. n all those red and black spiral things?
killerjackalope (author) in reply to sadunpererarulesSep 20, 2008. 3:43 AM
I made that in photoshop ages ago out of boredom...

I could do an 'ible on it, wont be using that pic again unless i have an amazing reason though
bowmaster says: Sep 15, 2008. 2:06 PM
AT LEAST 2 XKCD REFENCES!!!! HOLY CRAP!!! I LOVE THAT WEBCOMIC!!!
cowscankill says: Aug 24, 2008. 10:09 AM
i didnt read this, and glad. im probably still young though i am 13. hate to have nightmares again...
killerjackalope (author) in reply to cowscankillAug 24, 2008. 10:18 AM
That said not long until it's all you think of, that'll make the nightmares even more complicated...
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