Good morning 'merica! I have created out thin air a snake iPhone holder. The gods have spoken and blessed my hands to devise this amazing charm! If you think you are worthy enough, then try to create this masterpiece made from the essence of the heavens.
Here are the dangerous trials you must complete to craft this exquisite work of art:
Step 1: Step 1
Step 1: Open the dangerous Instamorph package and pour the contents into the boiling tears of the gods ( water at 150 degrees Fahrenheit).
Step 2: Step 2
Step 2: Take 2 minutes to ponder of your thoughts on how to rule the world, until contents become a gel like substance. Once in a gel state, take the dangerous move to remove the mold with tongs. *WARNING* Contents have just been bathed in the tears of immortals it will be VERY HOT be careful!
Step 3: Step 3
Step 3: Wait until the mold gets cool enough so you can touch it but warm enough to mold it easily. Now we can start the ritual to morph the Snake That Holds IPhones!
Step 4: Step 4
Step 4: The fourth grueling task to the horrifying endeavor is to squeeze the snake until it gets to the length you crave. Once as long as a Siberian Tigers stripes; roll between hands as if you were rolling play doh to make a weak mortal snake!
Step 5: Step 5
Step 5: If you completed the last task your snake will be long and smooth the hair of a god! Now we will test the immortality of your youth!!! This trial will be the most devilish task ever devised. You must now wrap the serpent around your four puny fingers! * WARNING* The gods are now watching your every move! So if you fail; your worthiness will be sent to the depths of Tartus!
Step 6: Step 6
Step 6: As the snake starts to solidify, the gods will mock your strength but there is light at the end of the tunnel! Take the snake off when it is almost fully hard, but keep it in its coil, FOR if you don't, it will unleash a portal to the underworld and Hades will strike his fiery vengeance upon you, and you will cry like a weak teddy bear!
Step 7: Step 7
Step 7: Now once the snake has solidified into the immortal statue you may place your phone into the sacrificing spot in the coils.
Step 8: Step 8
Step 8: HALLELUJAH!!!! THE GODS HAVE BROUGHT FORTH YOUR NEW CHAMPION! Your snake will now serve as your assistant for life!! Thank you for building this wonderful creation.