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Instructions on how to climb a staircase

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No one will have failed to observe that frequently the floor bends in such a way that one part rises at a right angle to the plane formed by the floor and then the following section arranges itself parallel to the flatness, so as to provide a step to a new perpendicular, a process which is repeated in a spiral or in a broken line to highly variable elevations.

Ducking down and placing the left hand on one of the vertical parts and right hand upon the the corresponding horizontal, one is in momentary possession of a step or stair.

Each one of these steps, formed as we have seen by two elements, is situated somewhat higher and further than the one prior, a principle which gives the idea of a staircase, while whatever other combination, producing perhaps more beautiful or picturesque shapes, would surely be incapable of translating one from the ground floor to the first floor.
 
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Step 2:


Tackle a stairway face on, for if you try it backwards or sideways, it ends up being particularly uncomfortable.

(The natural stance consists of holding yourself upright, arms hanging easily at the sides, head erect but not so much so that the eyes no longer see the steps immediately above, while one tramps up, breathing lightly and with regularity.)

Step 3:


To climb a staircase begin by lifting that part of the body located below and to the right, usually encased in leather or deerskin, and which, with a few exceptions, fits exactly on the stair.

Step 5:


Draw up the equivalent part on the left side (also called “foot” but not to be confused with “the foot” cited above), and lift this other part to the level of “the foot,” so it continues along until it is set in place on the second step, at which point the foot will rest, and “the foot” will rest on the first.

(The first steps are always the most difficult, until you acquire the necessary coordination. The coincidence of names between the foot and “the foot” makes the explanation more difficult. Be especially careful not to raise, at the same time, the foot and “the foot.”)

Step 6:

Picture of

Having arrived by this method at the second step, it's easy enough to repeat the movements alternately, until one reaches the top of the staircase.

Step 7:


You can now get off the staircase easily, with a light tap of the heel to fix it in place, to make sure it will not move until you are ready to come down.
tsturtevant8 months ago
Ehfang genious
Hilarious
craftpro1 year ago
Wow! Now I can finally leave my bedroom and get something to eat. Oops! How do I get down now!!!!!!!!!! I can't get a grasp on how you place your foot while going down!!!!!!! Plz tell us how to go down plz!!!! Otherwise I'm up here forever!!!
rastita3 years ago
Please... Read to Cortazar. Is an Argentinian writer, who wrote this original Instructable....
apo1l04 years ago
Sweet, now I can up and out of my basement bedroom.  I thought that I was stuck down here for the rest of time.  Thank you so much for the instructable......  Now to go and practice this new skill. :D
AHAHAHAHAHAHHAH
Oyarsa4 years ago
 Ok, so I followed your instructions carefully, and I finally go to see what the 2nd story of my house looks like! (I didn't know I had a kid) But when I got there, I forgot the tap to fix it in place and the stairs migrated south for the winter. Urgent help needed!!!! What do I do, because it's like a 15 foot drop onto cement from up here?

P.S. My kid keeps saying he has something called a "Cell Phone," whatever that is. What is this and could it help us get off of here? Please make an instructable on how to use this strange device.
Poogle Oyarsa3 years ago
hee hee hee
999592 Oyarsa4 years ago
 i love you people
 What do you mean by "you people?" >:(
 what do you mean, "what do you mean you people?"
wenpherd 9995924 years ago
What do mean," what do you mean, 'what do you mean you people?' "
 I think she meant: "what do you mean you people you people mean you?"
 No. You just killed it.
 I apologize. Sincerely.
 Pinky promise? D:
loppy964 years ago
Riveting absolutely riveting
ArtStockton4 years ago
This belongs in the Hitchhikers guide.
Finally,  I know why I always fall of the stairs! So there is a difference between 'the foot' and 'foot'. I'm going to try this instructable right now!
 Whoa whoa, you skipped a step
il_pipe4 years ago
Amazing!
siedpe134 years ago
i would love to see more guides like this one, preferably one for beginners like myself. i personally dont have the time, and its even possible to consider that i just not might have the skill to climb stairs, but maybe if you could do an instructable for advanced-crawling or walking i would apprecieate it quite a bit.

thanks
ItsTheHobbs4 years ago
I have successfully mastered these stair climbing, but I can not quite figure out these "escalator" things. Help please?
jzrodriguez4 years ago
Sorry.... but.....  is this a translation of Julio Cortázar's short tale?

This is the original, in Spanish:

http://www.literatura.org/Cortazar/Instrucciones.html


absurdables (author)  jzrodriguez4 years ago
 yup! it is :) glad you also like Cortazar. We have set this clear before on the comments...
ups, sorry, I didn't read it.

 Climbing up stairs may be instinctive through life, Until
and knee injury {or other )makes it difficult. I found humor
 in this one! Made my knee feel better.

Thanks and,
Cheers upsurdables!
Llewner4 years ago
(removed by author or community request)
999592 Llewner4 years ago
 optional...whatever you feel most comfortable in
nagutron4 years ago
This is a very useful instructable for my robot, which I just implanted in a new host human body and doesn't know how to climb stairs.
It will absorb you, and will be able to go upstairs/downstairs, teaching to the collective at the same time .
Don't run!....Resistance is futile.
Ah, yes . The borg catchline. Resistance is futile (if < one ohm).
Geek out!!
 The other Borg catchline: "All your ship are belonging to us".
All your base are belong to us...
 i'm pretty sure he new that. memes can be altered young padiwan of the interwebs
 knew*
999592 quellek24 years ago
 all fail...collectively
 I know what it is but, the Borg usually attack ships.
ummmm I could  do this on my 1 1/2 birthday?
 ummmmmm... this was made for lulz.....not  really for informative purposes
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