Instructions on How to Cry

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Introduction: Instructions on How to Cry

Putting the reasons for crying aside for the moment, we may concentrate on the correct way to cry, which, be it understood, means a weeping that doesn't turn into a big commotion nor proves an affront to the smile with its parallel and dull similarity. 

Step 1: Parts


1. a reason to cry; any reason will do, but make sure you have one. See step two in this tutorial.
2. tears (not absolutely necessary, but will make the whole act more dramatic and veritable)
3. a handkerchief, as tears frequently come accompanied by copious amounts of mucus that tend to land in one's clothes; acceptable, as is well known, only until age 5. 

Step 2: Step 1

The average, everyday weeping consists of a general contraction of the face and a spasmodic sound accompanied by tears and mucus, this last toward the end, since the cry ends at the point when one energetically blows one's nose. 

Step 3: Step 2

In order to cry, steer the imagination toward yourself, and if this proves impossible owing or having contracted the habit of believing in the exterior world, think of a duck covered with ants or of those gulfs in the Straits of Magellan into which no one sails ever. 

Step 4: Step 3

Coming to the weeping itself, cover the face decorously, using both hands, palms inward. Children are to cry with the sleeve of the dress or shirt pressed against the face, preferably in the corner of the room. Average duration of the cry, three minutes. 


*Instructable based on Julio Cortazar's short story Instrucciones para llorar*

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    4 Comments

    And what about geting drunk and hiding under the blanket? Should I contact my friends to let them know I'm crying? Should I feel guilty for my disfunctional behavior, and if so, should I cry more because of it? Should I collect my tears to shove them later into faces of those, who in my oppinion don't believe I have real fealings? Should I have real fealings? Well... if you have answers look for me under the blanket...

    nice tutorial.. i will practice at home.. Haha.

    Hahahaha ! Yeah, "Superman" found his kryptonite!