Instructions on how to cry

Putting the reasons for crying aside for the moment, we may concentrate on the correct way to cry, which, be it understood, means a weeping that doesn't turn into a big commotion nor proves an affront to the smile with its parallel and dull similarity.

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Step 1: Parts

1. a reason to cry; any reason will do, but make sure you have one. See step two in this tutorial.
2. tears (not absolutely necessary, but will make the whole act more dramatic and veritable)
3. a handkerchief, as tears frequently come accompanied by copious amounts of mucus that tend to land in one's clothes; acceptable, as is well known, only until age 5.