Introduction: Kung-Fu Talking Jesus and Bald Baby Buddha Buddy

Mash-ups are all the rage these days. Taking a bunch of things and smushing them all together is much more than just your mother's recipe for casserole: it is an unharnessed recipe for placing power in dangerous hands. Dangerous, dangerous hands.

Now Jesus has a bunch of powers to start with. He can be your friend. He can walk on water. He can even kill vampires. But despite all of his powers, Jesus cannot do kung-fu.

Ok, apparently he can. A quick google search revealed this pretty clearly, both in this case and this one too.

Whatever. This Kung-Fu Jesus fits in your pocket. You'll know that Jesus is always there to protect you.

As with all crazy projects, there are side effects. Crazy, alliterative side effects. Not only did we create a no-holds-barred evangelist, we made a bald baby sculpture who resembles Buddha. Strangely, Buddha is wearing Jesus' old digs.


Step 1: Find Jesus (and Other Supplies)

After some serious searching, I found Jesus...and purchased him. Search your local $1 stores and various religious sundry items bargain bins.

The kung-fu baby, on the other hand, was much easier to come by. One word: Walgreens. Feel free to pick up any necessary personal items while shopping for your kung-fu baby.

You'll also need a box-cutter, hot glue, and a bit of fabric such as an old t-shirt.

Step 2: Remove Kung-Fu Attire

We will be redressing Jesus, so no need for the original clothing.

We also turned the pants into boxers for Jesus so that he wouldn't have to go commando while he kung-fued.

Step 3: Decapitate the Baby

The baby's head should pop right off with a little concentrated pressure.

Step 4: Makeover!

The kung-fu baby came with an outfit of a white karate top and shiny red pants. Kung-fu Jesus wouldn't be seen wearing that in a million years. So we gave him some more traditional garb, a white robe made from an old t-shirt.

The main part of the robe was made by cutting three circular holes in a line on the t-shirt (arms and neck) and then trimming the edges.

The arms were made separately by sewing together a long, thin loop of fabric and hot gluing it back onto the body of the robe.

Step 5: Operate

Jesus' head was much less willing to pop off than the baby's, so we needed to perform a little surgical procedure. Using a boxcutter and a some wire cutters, we cut and plied around until his head fell off.

Watch out--if you don't act quickly, his wounds might heal by themselves.

Step 6: Recapitate the Baby. or Is It Jesus?

This is the crucial step. We now have two heads and two bodies that need reattaching.

Take the baby's head and cut off the neck. Glue this onto the bottom of Jesus' head--this way Jesus' head will have the fitting mechanism to pop back into the body. This will take some strong pressure. Add some more glue. Hopefully the robe fits snugly enough to cover most of the glue.

Glue the baby's head onto the (former) body of Jesus.

You now have two new creations. Who's who? Identity crisis, indeed.

Step 7: Clap Loudly Near Others

The kung-fu body is noise activated--so you can make Jesus trash-talk and attack the air by clapping or hitting a hard surface. If you so desired, you could probably rewire Jesus into a clapper.

The other byproduct, the bald baby Buddha, cannot do kung-fu. But he is creepy like none other.

Comments

author
smoesle made it!(author)2013-10-07

HORRIBLE TAKING THE NAME OF THE LORD IN VAIN YOU MEANIE

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smoesle made it!(author)2013-10-07

Deeply offended, I'm a Christian... :( WHY???????

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kathryn%24%24%24 made it!(author)2013-05-22

I HATE you trash talk Jesus Unbelievable your stupid

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Advar made it!(author)2012-01-23

*gasp* okay... LOVE THIS! I understand how/ why people feel offened, and I'm non-religious (agnostic, atheist, pick a label). It's the IDEA of it and the project, not taking it as an "I intend to offend" thing. A Chuck Norris or Wednesday Aadams figure would work too. I'm not making light of anyone's feelings, just saying it's a nifty idea in and of itself. Thanks, Jaques.

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mrmerino made it!(author)2011-10-04

I'm not even Christian and I'm a little offended

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mrmerino made it!(author)2011-10-04

That's about the least-used sentence in the English language.

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technosasquatch made it!(author)2011-08-27

pure awesome, I'd have to figure out how to change the voice tho.

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nokairen made it!(author)2008-08-22

sir I think its kinda offensive, you could just make something out of other people but not to persons who inspire lots of nations like Buddha and Jesus. thanks for your understanding

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XylophonicMonkey made it!(author)2009-11-16

Well I don't know about you but I would much rather have had a kungfu trashtalking buddy christ than the usual "dinosaurs are something the commies invented" colouring books that they always sold at church.
Not to mention that it makes sense, who else can walk on water fly and/or flip out? Ninjas can!

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ilpug made it!(author)2010-12-10

i agree. this is awesome. religious or not, its very creative.

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DJ+Radio made it!(author)2010-11-05

OH WHO CARES IF IT OFFENDS PEOPLE? Other than the offended of course.

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porcupinemamma made it!(author)2009-11-15

I agree with nokairen.

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DeusXMachina made it!(author)2008-11-30

I would imagine the most supreme and powerful, not to mention forgiving, being of the universe, would have a supreme and powerful sense of humor. :-P

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phant0m_sp00f3ra made it!(author)2008-08-23

I agree with you

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dsman195276 made it!(author)2008-08-23

it's not really that bad. yes, it would have been nice if he would have used someone else for the model but just because he is using Jesus does not mean he is making fun of him.

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acidbass made it!(author)2010-10-28

lol kung fued

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piperjon made it!(author)2010-05-26

Jesus walked the earth as a man, and in all likelyhood had feelings, a sense of humor, enjoyed food, had sore feet after a day of carpenter work, and all that other good stuff.  I doubt He'd mind the mash up.

The original Buddha, Siddharta Gautama, was a well known prankster in his youth and loved to laugh, and would have found this to be HYSTERICAL in all likelyhood.

Bonus Philosophical Mashup Statement: If you meet the Buddha in the road, don't kill him, recycle him as Jesus! 

author
UltraMagnus made it!(author)2008-08-24

lol! kung fu jewish zombie!

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sabarblatoe made it!(author)2008-08-24

HAHAHAHAHA... Thats good....I call Easter "Zombie Jesus Day". Folks dont seem to like it much.

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Duct+Tape+Dude made it!(author)2010-05-12

Well that's better than teaching children about a fatass pink rabbit that hides eggs....at least you're recognising Jesus (I bet $5 you read Cyanide & Happiness...)

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xACIDITYx made it!(author)2008-08-22

Yeah, me too. Unless you count my love for His noodly appendage.

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mspark400 made it!(author)2008-08-22

na that totally counts yay pastafarian!, me agnostic Woot!

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xACIDITYx made it!(author)2008-08-22

...me agnostic Woot!...
Don't you mean SPagnostic?

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mspark400 made it!(author)2008-08-22

no, agnostic separate from pastafarian. but i'm a a "weak" agnostic so i can also say i do like pastafarian beliefs. A "strong" agnostic would refuse pastafarianism due to the fact that they believe it is impossible to know the truth about God, the Creator, etc. As a "weak" agnostic i believe it is not necessarily impossible to know, i just don't, or at least we cannot know at this time. I hope this clears it up. Cheers, mspark400

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DuctTapeRules%21 made it!(author)2009-05-26

I have an idea...R/C plane into R/C FSM! XD

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mspark400 made it!(author)2008-08-22

oh and great ible!

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derrekito made it!(author)2008-09-08

I want a Kung Fu Spaghetti Monster!!!

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Enclaine made it!(author)2009-03-13

Dude great Instructable!! Maybe you should have a franchise of Jesus items like Jesus Cellphones, Jesus Tesla Coil, Jesus Laser and maybe Jesus Socks!!

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Ltcheesecracker made it!(author)2009-02-25

wow.. uhhh well.....

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Wafflicious made it!(author)2009-01-03

I do this with power rangers and army men lol.

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chicKintAco made it!(author)2008-11-05

Awesome. 5/5 for you sir

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AnarchistAsian made it!(author)2008-10-19

cool, this was at the austin maker fair!

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ve2vfd made it!(author)2008-08-21

Wow!!! Now what you need is a 1970's GI-Joe with "Kung-fu grip". Heck he already looks like Jesus! Just add robes, and he's ready to kick arse!

adventurer5.jpg
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emuman4evr made it!(author)2008-08-23

Looks more like Osama Binladen, better stick that infront of da jeesus.

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bounty1012 made it!(author)2008-09-28

yeah he does just needs a turban

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bounty1012 made it!(author)2008-08-26

whats kung fu grip?

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Brother_D made it!(author)2008-09-28

Kung Fu grip is what all the G.I. Joes have. Its so they can grab onto their weapons and stuff.

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bounty1012 made it!(author)2008-09-28

ahh I knew that :D

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xenor made it!(author)2008-09-27

He actually looks a bit like Chuck Norris.

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xACIDITYx made it!(author)2008-08-21

This seems like it may be interpreted as offensive to some people. That's why I love it.

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Phil+B made it!(author)2008-08-22

Yes, I do think it is on the verge of being offensive. Jesus is someone very important to me and whom I can genuinely say I love. He is my savior. If this were about Allah, the author of this Instructable would be wondering if Salmon Rushdie needs a roommate. So, why is it OK to make fun of Jesus? And to think the people who run this site gave it featured status!

author
PS118 made it!(author)2008-08-22

Thanks Phil. Personally, I'm a Christian. Am I terribly offended by Kung-Fu Jesus? No. Why? People always ask "If the God of the Bible is so good, what about all the evil in the world"? Well, good news, then. He's coming back clean house with with a bigass sword, massive armies, and the full wrath of God! Oh wait. I guess tha's only good news if you're not on the receiving end. BTW, this is more than just some academic philosophy. The battle is real, and it's on its way. KungFu Jeus, indeed!

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bustedit made it!(author)2008-08-22

i think we are treading somewhere we shouldn't, on this site anyway. BUT...do you really believe it is your idea, your Christian God, that is coming to judge us? That trivialises all other religion that preceedeed Christianity, and that is most of them. If anything, I believe we all pray (if we do)unknowingly to the SAME god, but with a different face and name depending on the faith. If you do not agree, you yourself are passing judgement, and you have no place to tell me my god is fake, and your's is the real deal. I think the holier-than-thou types are going to be in for more of a surprise come judgement day than they blindly hope for. Evil and good, black and white, one does not exist w/o the other.

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PS118 made it!(author)2008-08-22

Now, see that's eactly what I'm NOT saying. All this philisophical yammering buys nothing, especially when its reality we're talking about. One man can believe in standing on the trani tracks and another in standing beside them. You can say "each is equally valid"... till a few hunred tons of cold, hard steel decides otherwise.

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musicalbee2003 made it!(author)2008-08-23

Uh huh... But religion is more like arguing over Chocolate vs. Vanilla. You can like vanilla, I can like chocolate, and we can still be friends. In the end, what does it matter?

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xACIDITYx made it!(author)2008-09-07

It only matters when you try to sell the chocolate as Vanilla, people who call atheism a religion.

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musicalbee2003 made it!(author)2008-09-08

As long as you don't start trying to turn the chocolate to the ways of the Vanilla. And vice versa, of course. To me, it's fun to have discussions about (lack of)belief, but I don't hold it against anyone until they start telling me that "You and every other *CENSORED!* who doesn't recognize Jesus/Allah/God/Watertower/Teapot/Insert-Deity-here as the Big Kahuna of your life, you will burn in hell FOREVER!" I just can't STAND that *Censored!*
So believe (or don't believe!) what you want to, I could care less. Just don't start evangelizing me, or persecuting people for their beliefs. I'll gladly sit and listen to you discuss why your god is real, then I'll present my view, and we can be very civil. I'd prefer to be friends, but not everyone can associate themselves with "Gentiles." Don't worry, I understand.

author
xACIDITYx made it!(author)2008-09-08

Oh, I'm sorry If I came off as a theist. No, I hunt those people with my words. I'm an atheist. Also, about your post of the 23rd of aug... It's a good comparison... but one has to be right, so it's more like arguing over Fairies vs. fact.

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downgrade made it!(author)2008-09-10

How does one have to be right? What happens if there is a supreme being, but it's a dolphin that no one worshiped? then both are wrong.

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xACIDITYx made it!(author)2008-09-10

But that hardly ever comes into debate.

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