Instructables
Picture of Kung-Fu Talking Jesus and Bald Baby Buddha Buddy
Mash-ups are all the rage these days. Taking a bunch of things and smushing them all together is much more than just your mother's recipe for casserole: it is an unharnessed recipe for placing power in dangerous hands. Dangerous, dangerous hands.

Now Jesus has a bunch of powers to start with. He can be your friend. He can walk on water. He can even kill vampires. But despite all of his powers, Jesus cannot do kung-fu.

Ok, apparently he can. A quick google search revealed this pretty clearly, both in this case and this one too.

Whatever. This Kung-Fu Jesus fits in your pocket. You'll know that Jesus is always there to protect you.

As with all crazy projects, there are side effects. Crazy, alliterative side effects. Not only did we create a no-holds-barred evangelist, we made a bald baby sculpture who resembles Buddha. Strangely, Buddha is wearing Jesus' old digs.


 
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Step 1: Find Jesus (and other supplies)

After some serious searching, I found Jesus...and purchased him. Search your local $1 stores and various religious sundry items bargain bins.

The kung-fu baby, on the other hand, was much easier to come by. One word: Walgreens. Feel free to pick up any necessary personal items while shopping for your kung-fu baby.

You'll also need a box-cutter, hot glue, and a bit of fabric such as an old t-shirt.

Step 2: Remove Kung-Fu Attire

We will be redressing Jesus, so no need for the original clothing.

We also turned the pants into boxers for Jesus so that he wouldn't have to go commando while he kung-fued.

Step 3: Decapitate the Baby

Picture of Decapitate the Baby
IMG_0809.JPG
The baby's head should pop right off with a little concentrated pressure.
smoesle11 months ago
HORRIBLE TAKING THE NAME OF THE LORD IN VAIN YOU MEANIE
smoesle11 months ago
Deeply offended, I'm a Christian... :( WHY???????
kathryn$$$1 year ago
I HATE you trash talk Jesus Unbelievable your stupid
Advar2 years ago
*gasp* okay... LOVE THIS! I understand how/ why people feel offened, and I'm non-religious (agnostic, atheist, pick a label). It's the IDEA of it and the project, not taking it as an "I intend to offend" thing. A Chuck Norris or Wednesday Aadams figure would work too. I'm not making light of anyone's feelings, just saying it's a nifty idea in and of itself. Thanks, Jaques.
mrmerino2 years ago
I'm not even Christian and I'm a little offended
mrmerino2 years ago
That's about the least-used sentence in the English language.
pure awesome, I'd have to figure out how to change the voice tho.
nokairen6 years ago
sir I think its kinda offensive, you could just make something out of other people but not to persons who inspire lots of nations like Buddha and Jesus. thanks for your understanding
Well I don't know about you but I would much rather have had a kungfu trashtalking buddy christ than the usual "dinosaurs are something the commies invented" colouring books that they always sold at church.
Not to mention that it makes sense, who else can walk on water fly and/or flip out? Ninjas can!
i agree. this is awesome. religious or not, its very creative.
OH WHO CARES IF IT OFFENDS PEOPLE? Other than the offended of course.
I agree with nokairen.
I would imagine the most supreme and powerful, not to mention forgiving, being of the universe, would have a supreme and powerful sense of humor. :-P
I agree with you
it's not really that bad. yes, it would have been nice if he would have used someone else for the model but just because he is using Jesus does not mean he is making fun of him.
acidbass3 years ago
lol kung fued
piperjon4 years ago
Jesus walked the earth as a man, and in all likelyhood had feelings, a sense of humor, enjoyed food, had sore feet after a day of carpenter work, and all that other good stuff.  I doubt He'd mind the mash up.

The original Buddha, Siddharta Gautama, was a well known prankster in his youth and loved to laugh, and would have found this to be HYSTERICAL in all likelyhood.

Bonus Philosophical Mashup Statement: If you meet the Buddha in the road, don't kill him, recycle him as Jesus! 
UltraMagnus6 years ago
lol! kung fu jewish zombie!
HAHAHAHAHA... Thats good....I call Easter "Zombie Jesus Day". Folks dont seem to like it much.
Well that's better than teaching children about a fatass pink rabbit that hides eggs....at least you're recognising Jesus (I bet $5 you read Cyanide & Happiness...)
xACIDITYx6 years ago
This seems like it may be interpreted as offensive to some people. That's why I love it.
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Yeah, me too. Unless you count my love for His noodly appendage.
na that totally counts yay pastafarian!, me agnostic Woot!
...me agnostic Woot!...
Don't you mean SPagnostic?
no, agnostic separate from pastafarian. but i'm a a "weak" agnostic so i can also say i do like pastafarian beliefs. A "strong" agnostic would refuse pastafarianism due to the fact that they believe it is impossible to know the truth about God, the Creator, etc. As a "weak" agnostic i believe it is not necessarily impossible to know, i just don't, or at least we cannot know at this time. I hope this clears it up. Cheers, mspark400
I have an idea...R/C plane into R/C FSM! XD
oh and great ible!
I want a Kung Fu Spaghetti Monster!!!
Yes, I do think it is on the verge of being offensive. Jesus is someone very important to me and whom I can genuinely say I love. He is my savior. If this were about Allah, the author of this Instructable would be wondering if Salmon Rushdie needs a roommate. So, why is it OK to make fun of Jesus? And to think the people who run this site gave it featured status!
PS118 Phil B6 years ago
Thanks Phil. Personally, I'm a Christian. Am I terribly offended by Kung-Fu Jesus? No. Why? People always ask "If the God of the Bible is so good, what about all the evil in the world"? Well, good news, then. He's coming back clean house with with a bigass sword, massive armies, and the full wrath of God! Oh wait. I guess tha's only good news if you're not on the receiving end. BTW, this is more than just some academic philosophy. The battle is real, and it's on its way. KungFu Jeus, indeed!
bustedit PS1186 years ago
i think we are treading somewhere we shouldn't, on this site anyway. BUT...do you really believe it is your idea, your Christian God, that is coming to judge us? That trivialises all other religion that preceedeed Christianity, and that is most of them. If anything, I believe we all pray (if we do)unknowingly to the SAME god, but with a different face and name depending on the faith. If you do not agree, you yourself are passing judgement, and you have no place to tell me my god is fake, and your's is the real deal. I think the holier-than-thou types are going to be in for more of a surprise come judgement day than they blindly hope for. Evil and good, black and white, one does not exist w/o the other.
PS118 bustedit6 years ago
Now, see that's eactly what I'm NOT saying. All this philisophical yammering buys nothing, especially when its reality we're talking about. One man can believe in standing on the trani tracks and another in standing beside them. You can say "each is equally valid"... till a few hunred tons of cold, hard steel decides otherwise.
Uh huh... But religion is more like arguing over Chocolate vs. Vanilla. You can like vanilla, I can like chocolate, and we can still be friends. In the end, what does it matter?
It only matters when you try to sell the chocolate as Vanilla, people who call atheism a religion.
As long as you don't start trying to turn the chocolate to the ways of the Vanilla. And vice versa, of course. To me, it's fun to have discussions about (lack of)belief, but I don't hold it against anyone until they start telling me that "You and every other *CENSORED!* who doesn't recognize Jesus/Allah/God/Watertower/Teapot/Insert-Deity-here as the Big Kahuna of your life, you will burn in hell FOREVER!" I just can't STAND that *Censored!*
So believe (or don't believe!) what you want to, I could care less. Just don't start evangelizing me, or persecuting people for their beliefs. I'll gladly sit and listen to you discuss why your god is real, then I'll present my view, and we can be very civil. I'd prefer to be friends, but not everyone can associate themselves with "Gentiles." Don't worry, I understand.
Oh, I'm sorry If I came off as a theist. No, I hunt those people with my words. I'm an atheist. Also, about your post of the 23rd of aug... It's a good comparison... but one has to be right, so it's more like arguing over Fairies vs. fact.
How does one have to be right? What happens if there is a supreme being, but it's a dolphin that no one worshiped? then both are wrong.
But that hardly ever comes into debate.
Which part? The dolphin? Sure... Both people being wrong? That SHOULD always be considered but no one is humble enough (which a religious person is supposed to always be humble) to admit they could be wrong.
And in this debate it was Atheist versus Theist; not specifically Christian. So when it's Atheist vs. Theist, one always has to be right. Because, like asymmetrical vs. symmetrical, something is either symmetrical or not.
That is still only assumptions based off the ignorance of man. How do you know there aren't shades of gray we can't understand?
But if we can't understand them, then they are irrelevant in a debate. And I, personally, believe that if something isn't symmetrical it's Asymmetrical. If someone isn't theistic, they are atheistic.
Firstly this is all based off the chocolate vanilla argument, which I more took as 2 different people with 2 different religions, so its not theism vs atheism, besides there are more than just those 2 things. Besides, further more. Some followers of Buddhism don't see Buddha as a god, (nor do they even believe in 1 Buddha) but it is all a philosophy instead of a religion. Also Taoism commonly has no god(s) making it atheistic, but then again it is still a way of life that some people believe should be followed. These are all current areas of gray. But to believe that just because we have words (theism and atheism) makes them opposites is just as wrong is ever. To say the opposite of black is white has its arguable points. Such as both are things the human eye interprets as shades, they are both adjectives as well as nouns. They have many similarities. So in our human perception they are opposite, but at the same time there are so many things we can't comprehend that we couldn't contemplate a true opposite because it would be so perpetually deep and impossible to fathom. There are things we can't see, sounds we can't hear, dimensions and measurements we think impossible to exist. Doesn't mean any of them aren't true and so thus we should never think we fully understand it. So, atheist and theist argue until death, they both find themselves in some matter that they never considered and are both wrong. It could easily happen.
There are shades of Gray between Atheism and Theism? Please, dear FSM don't say agnosticism.
Sorry if I came off a bit strong. I spose atheism and religion are obviously automatically at odds, but I don't believe all religions are at odds with each other. Sure they fight, but how can truly tell a buddhist that he is wrong when all you have is your book against theirs? Therefore, if atheists are wrong, I believe ALL religions are correct. Kind of a weird view, I admit, but it makes sense to me. Kinda like Heinlein's book, "Job: A Comedy of Justice." As far as the proper comparison... We'll have to think of something! And again, my apologies.
Dude, wtf is your problem? I'm an agnostic an proud of it. People have the right to do whatever the hell they want with their life.
u got ur chocolate in my peanut butter! u got ur peanut butter in my chocolate!!
bustedit Phil B6 years ago
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Phil B bustedit6 years ago
We have no data pro or con on Jesus' sense of humor. If you are no longer a practicing Christian it is not too surprising that you do not find this Instructable offensive. A study came out recently on the attitudes of people who seldom or never attend church vs. those who attend regularly. Attitudes shift markedly as church attendance fall off. There is a comment from Justin Martyr that a wooden beam plow made in Jesus' (and Joseph's) carpenter shop was still in use in the 160's AD. "Killing in the name of God?" What kind of leap of logic is that? Let us all just stick with sharing useful things we have done and stay away from things likely to offend others.
If we stay away from things that are likely to offend people, then in reality, we should not post anything at all. If one looks hard enough, anything said can offend someone else.
yes, i can even see how your name (here) could be offensive to some of the population! dang
It is only pointing out that anything is offensive to someone. I can tick off quite a few things, but that is going to be jumping off topic. Good Enough to say; we cannot go around NOT doing something because we are afraid it may offend someone.
we cannot go around NOT doing something because we are afraid it may offend someone.

so if i run out side and say germans stink(note i don't say that) i should not worry about it being offensive?
You are missing the point. If you do something that you are intending to be offensive then that is going to be offensive.

I am saying that we cannot go around tailoring our daily lives to make sure that we do not do something that may offend someone. If we are going to do that, then we may well stay at home all day.
but how would you expect that using Jesus would not offend someone?
whatever, i dont hear any buddhists crying
whatever, i dont hear any buddhists crying

but the buddha doll does not move.

and i'm not crying, if you read my comment that was on this instructable it said i do not like this very much but i don't find it offensive.
Just because he doesn't move doesn't rule him out. You are quite prejudice.
ok, let me ask you this then, if the talking Jesus did not talk, do you think anyone would be offended? no. what Buddhist in there right mind would get mad at a doll of Buddha? but if you were to make the Buddha talk and move it might offend someone because of the way it moves or what it says.
the buddha DID move, it was the host transplant body with the kung fu pose and speach, right? let this topic die, please. im tired of getting notifications of the continuing squabble. no one here is ever going to admit their religion is wrong, because no one wants to admit they have faith in a false god. its a losing battle, for life eternal, or until we all destroy each other in the name of god.
but it was not a buddha, it was a kung-fu baby.
People were offended when "Buddy Christ" first came out, so actually "yes" was the right answer...
well i would love to stay home all day and try not to offend anyone, watch tv, relax, maybe go in the pool or wash my car
Hoping that you were being sarcastic there, because...

...Year 1945 (MCMXLV) was a common year starting on Monday (link will display the full calendar). It is most widely known for being the year in which World War II ended...."
And the atom bomb was the one that ended it, in Hiroshima.
I don't see anything wrong with a Kung Fu Jesus. I think it's pretty cool. Since you didn't actually list what exactly you find offensive, I must tread into assumptions. Jesus is said to be non violent however, many people around the world who practice the martial arts are indeed nonviolent. In the end I find this to be an instructable in that ends up being whatever it is you intend it to be, good or bad. Be positive and look at it under such a light, and it can be a good thing - and of course the reverse is true. If you don't like the Kung Fu idea, perhaps you can take the information here and build yourself a regular old Jesus.
And the video was the funniest thing in the entire universe.
Enclaine5 years ago
Dude great Instructable!! Maybe you should have a franchise of Jesus items like Jesus Cellphones, Jesus Tesla Coil, Jesus Laser and maybe Jesus Socks!!
wow.. uhhh well.....
Wafflicious5 years ago
I do this with power rangers and army men lol.
chicKintAco5 years ago
Awesome. 5/5 for you sir
cool, this was at the austin maker fair!
ve2vfd6 years ago
Wow!!! Now what you need is a 1970's GI-Joe with "Kung-fu grip". Heck he already looks like Jesus! Just add robes, and he's ready to kick arse!
adventurer5.jpg
Looks more like Osama Binladen, better stick that infront of da jeesus.
yeah he does just needs a turban
whats kung fu grip?
Kung Fu grip is what all the G.I. Joes have. Its so they can grab onto their weapons and stuff.
ahh I knew that :D
xenor ve2vfd5 years ago
He actually looks a bit like Chuck Norris.
firesketch6 years ago
Nice man... and sorta twisted. But is still nize : D
bounty10126 years ago
you need to fix the voice so it sounds like it would be jesus. favorited.
merseyless6 years ago
*wakes up*
hmm what am I going to do today?
hmmm...
! i know !
ill decapatate kung fu baby and buddy jesus and swap their heads!
!!!
omg i should post this on the Internet for the world to see!
!!!

seriously though nice Instructable fav
I love this. 5/5
andrew136 years ago
tell me, how is this offensive. i am a christian, and proud of it. it offends me that it offends other people. because of you people that think it is "offensive" to put peoples beliefs on the internet, you are one of the reasons there isnt peace on earth. if you respected other peoples beliefs, i think everyone would get along better. So just because you dont like it, doesnt mean you have to go and wright a comment about your beliefs.
zjharva6 years ago
lol! i saw that kung fu baby at walgreens a couple weeks ago. this is hilarious!
dsman1952766 years ago
i don't really have anything to say about this except it i kinda weird. but i can see you did not try to make this offensive, and i don't really see it as offensive because it is just a moving doll of jesus(keep in mind that no one knows what jesus looked like). it's not mocking him or saying he did not exist or anything, so i'm fine with it.
I love it! And to those who may say this is offensive to do. Well run a quick Google search of "The Buddy Christ" and see where this figure came from. Kudos to you and your Homage to Kevin Smith Movies.
Notbob6 years ago
This is funny (no offense to you religious types... I gave up years ago...), I suppose the next step would to reprogram the voice chip with a "jesus like voice" ... You could use some movie for inspiration...
whatsisface6 years ago
Step 5's first picture is fantastic.
bustedit6 years ago
now baby booda has historically accurate stigmata, on his wrists... and jesus can put up a proper fight when the centurions come to nail him to a tree
chuckr446 years ago
I think the real Jesus is reaching for a can 'o "whoop a$$".
Brilliant! That kung fu action kinda reminds me of "Badly Animated Man's" one-two punch.

I gots a couple of idears for more splendidness/additional blasphemy:

- Make a funky glowing halo, for Jesus, out of a chunk of that electroluminescent wire, that's all the rage these days.

- Circuit-bend the talking part, to give Jesus a deeper and more, well, godlike voice.
=SMART=6 years ago
lol coool
Kiteman6 years ago
I've just realised - with the little head on the baby body, and dressed in a giant kaftan, Kung Fu Jesus looks more like Kung Fu Barry White!
Kiteman6 years ago
That is just so...

...odd.

It's missing something, though. Wrathful lightning? A plague of frogs?

No, it's missing a video - we need to see Jesus doing his stuff!
randofo Kiteman6 years ago
There is a video! It's in the intro. It's fantastic.
Kiteman randofo6 years ago
Was that there before? Am I really that blind?

It is a very cool video...

Wanders off, vaguely worried...
implaxis6 years ago
That looks like the Buddy Christ "action figure" from the movie Dogma. I'm sure it's still available. Thumbs up, dude!
craig3 implaxis6 years ago
i think the budda one IS the buddy Christ but with a different head, because the robe i the exact same as dogma's
jacques couscous (author)  craig36 years ago
It is Buddy Christ. Or was, rather.
kevin711276 years ago
omg! cut off jezuz head!
bumpus6 years ago
AWESOME!!! I need to run to Walgreens... Four towns over... :( Either way, great instructable! 5/5 stars indeed..
Jahoovi6 years ago
ya go jesus
Amazing! You have now joined a group of esteemed doll mutilators. :D