Dark chocolate, caffeinated, alcoholic, salty, spicy, lazy, degenerate brownies...
Baking is so messy. Every time I bake I end up destroying my kitchen and then just sadly eat a cheesecake by myself standing over the sink, re evaluating my life choices. So when I do bake it is because I am in the throes of an all consuming sugar and chocolate craving. I usually turn to these brownies, because they are good for lazy people who do not wish to commit an afternoon but also don't want to put on pants and drive to the store either.
You make them in one pot, with one spatula, and bake in a pan that is clean when the brownies come out of it. Miraculous!
Today I thought ya know, I have a lot of other itches I need to scratch too. I'm addicted to sugar, I NEED my coffee, I eat too much salt, I'm crazy for spicey foods, I drink like a fish whose aquarium is filled with whisky, and I'm an alcoholic for chocolate. So why not put all these things in the brownies.
These are not sickly sweet one note brownies. These are serious, deep dark and fudgey. They are caffeinated, and therefore just ever slightly bitter from the coffee. The sriracha opens up your taste buds and lets you taste the darker secrets hidden in your chocolate. The salt balances the sugar nicely and the booze gives it a nice grown up flavour. You can add whatever else you like to them too, vanilla would be nice, maybe some marshmallows or Reese Pieces, dill pickle chips, or whatever your vice is.
Lazy Degenerate Brownies
Yield: 30 (1 1/2 x 1 1/2 inch) brownies
Cost: < $10
Time: 15 minutes prep, approximately 30 minutes baking time
** some people commented that it took longer to bake than 30 minutes, so depending on your oven start testing the middle with a knife or cake skewer after 25 minutes
- medium sized pot
- measuring cup
- 8x8 inch baking dish, preferably glass
** if you are not using a glass baking dish, you will need to line it with parchment paper
- 1 cup butter unsalted butter, plus extra for pan
- 2 cups unsweetened or semi sweet chocolate, chips or finely chopped
- 2 cups sugar
- 4 large eggs
- 1 tbsp instant coffee
- 1 shot of whisky
- 1 tsp sriracha or 1/2 tsp cayenne pepper
- 1 1/2 tsp salt
- 2 cups all-purpose flour
Heat oven to 350°F.
Gather your tools and ingredients.
Butter your baking pan.
Brown the butter in a medium sauce pan. Take it off the heat.
Add your instant coffee and chopped chocolate to the pot and stir until it has melted and the coffee has dissolved.
Add your sugar, mix to melt into the mix a bit.
Add a few dashes of alcohol of your choice and a squeeze of sriracha.
Test the chocolate with your finger. It it needs more salt or booze or spice, add it now. If its not very warm anymore, you can add your eggs.
Sprinkle your flour and salt over top of the mix, and fold it in just until it's evenly blended.
Don't over mix, but make sure you are scraping the bottom and sides as you stir.
Pour the mix into the baking dish. Swirl the batter with the tip of your knife.
Bake at 350 for 20-30 minutes until a knife inserted into the middle comes out clean.
Let cool and cut.
Step 1: Prep for Success!
Butter your baking pan. If you don't have a glass baking dish, make sure to line your pan with parchment paper to make your life easier when removing the brownies.
Gather your tools and ingredients.
Step 2: Brown Your Butter
You can also probably do this in a microwave in a microwavable bowl. Just keep an eye on it and only do it in 1 minute bursts after the first couple of minutes to avoid a messy butter explosion. Cleaning is not a lazy degenerates forté, after all.
Step 3: Mix It Up
You can use any dark chocolate you like, I ate all the good stuff and Chip-Its work just as well in baking. 70% dark with fruity notes makes for a glorious combo with spice and booze, if you're my kind of chocolate snob! You could also dump a shot of real espresso in, instead of 2 year old nescafe granules, but I work with what I got.
Mix in your sugar, stirring to dissolve it in a bit.
Add a few dashes of alcohol of your choice and a squeeze of sriracha to your spiciness threshold.
Test the chocolate with your finger. This is the time to make any adjustments, because what it tastes like now is what it will taste like baked, after all. If it needs more salt or booze or spice, add it now. If it's not sweet enough for you, add a few tablespoons more sugar or a blob of honey.
If its not very warm anymore, you can add your eggs. Make sure not to get any shells in there, that's nasty. Kind of scramble them up a bit on top of the mixture, then fold them in.
Sprinkle your flour and salt over top of the mix, and fold it in just until it's evenly blended. Don't over mix, but make sure you are scraping the bottom and sides as you stir.
- Reece Pieces
- Chocolate chips
- A swirl of peanut butter through the batter
- Chunks of frozen cookie dough
- Some chopped nuclear red marachino cherries
- A handful of mini marshmallows
- Crushed up pretzels
- Cut up that leftover Shame Cheesecake you're keeping in the back of the freezer and mix chunks into the batter.. it's an honourable death for a dear friend after all
Anything goes really, it's a brownie man, you can't really screw this up!
UPDATE:Chopped up Hot Rods don't work.........
Step 4: Bake, Cool, Cut and Eat
Bake at 350 for 20-30 minutes until a knife inserted into the middle comes out clean or with a couple of small cake crumbs on it.
You will be able to feel when it approaching done when the middle has the same squidgey cake feel under your fingers as it does around the edge. Try not to over bake, they are nicer when slightly underdone, actually.
If you like a dry, cakier texture you can leave them in for another 10-15 minutes.
Let cool and cut that bad boy up.
Enjoy with a nice glass or milk, or White Russian. You did a good job, you deserve it!
They are the best when eaten at about 3am cold from the fridge when no one can judge you...