Introduction: Lost Your Religion? Found a New One!
This Instructable will help you to Found a New Religion, in 7 easy steps.
There are some distinct advantages to having a Religion:
Religious freedoms are enshrined in the law or constitution of many places in the world. Make use of these.
Holidays! Get time off work with the best excuse of all, Day X is the Holy Day of your religion.
Avoid things! It is against your religion.
Join me on a Journey Into The Light. We will use my religion, The Holy Sanctimonious Church of the Desecration of Righteousness aka Cezsariaism as an example.
Step 1: Who's Your Deity?
First, you need godhead.
Will it be you?
Will it be an abstract concept?
Does it even have to be monotheistic?
Household objects make fabulous gods. Your kids already worship the television. Make it official.
In The Holy Sanctimonious Church of the Desecration of Righteousness aka Cezsariaism, we worship Cezsaria. "But you are Cezsaria!", you say. Well. That is all part of the Mystery of The Duality. God is both in the sky and Woman on Earth.
Step 2: It’s All in the Name
The coolest religions have awesome names. Some good words and phrases to include in the name of your new religion are given below.
The Holy (adverb) Church of (adjective) (noun)
Episcopal, Orthodox, Exclusive, Inclusive, Sacred, Blessed, Righteous, Divine, Celestial, Sanctimonious, Consecration, Desecration, Sanctification, Devout, God, Idol, Spirit, Mystical, Unholy, Tabernacle, Worshipful, Unity, Duality, Trinity, Quadrangle.
Step 3: Holy Books
Do you have a favourite book? Make it your Holy Book. Declare the author a prophet.
Neil Gaiman is The Blessed Prophet of The Holy Sanctimonious Church of the Desecration of Righteousness aka Cezsariaism.
He just doesn’t know it.
Step 4: Signs and Symbols and Ritual
People respond well to easily recognised symbols. They like to be able to identify other members of the in-group. You may want to consider hiring a graphic designer and trialling with a focus group. Similarly, rituals help to bond your followers to one another and to the Deity in question. Rituals that involve group participation (Hallelujahs, singing, clapping, passing items around) work best.
In The Holy Sanctimonious Church of the Desecration of Righteousness aka Cezsariaism,
Pikeeliquam Habante yun M’osoliuum!
is a simple chant (kind of like "Ohm") that helps when one is meditating.
Step 5: Rules for Living the Faith
All religions have one thing in common: lots of rules. The more arbitrary*, the better.
In my religion, we have Cezsaria Law. It tells us when we should be stoned. For example, if you find that you are coveting the possessions or lifestyle of another person, you shall get stoned. Whether you bury yourself up to the waist or neck whilst you get stoned is at your discretion. We are flexible like that.
*The rules are only seemingly arbitrary, since mere humans could never hope to understand the Mind Of God. Of course.
Step 6: Gather a Flock
Getting adherents is critical to the success of your new faith. Friends and family are good targets for conversion. Offer incentives to early adopters.
When approached in the street by evangelists from other Faiths, I always make sure to offer them the opportunity to convert to The Holy Sanctimonious Church of the Desecration of Righteousness aka Cezsariaism.
The first convert to The Holy Sanctimonious Church of the Desecration of Righteousness aka Cezsariaism was made The High Priestess. When she dies, she'll be made a Saint.
Step 7: Into the Future
Where to from here? The opportunities are endless. Aim high. And if there is discord in the ranks, you can always have a schism. Schisms are the best. They are the 'Have your cake and eat it, too' of divinity.
I hope this Journey Into The Light has been helpful.
Pikeeliquam Habante yun M’osoliuum!
We have a be nice policy.
Please be positive and constructive.