Luau Pig - Hawaiian Style (In The Ground With Hot Rocks)

Luau pig is a lot of *VERY HARD* work, but that is the price of becoming a living god.

First up is a list of things you need, you can substitute as you wish, this is what I used;

260 lb Pig - Professionally butchered and dehaired, tell them it’s for a pig roast, it shouldn’t cost you more than $1-2/lb

25 ft Burlap fabric - Hit up the local sewing store, or get some old burlap sacks…I have a membership card so the sewing store cuts me a deal and I get to hit on some sweet old *LADIES*. You’ll want the fabric cut into strips 2 ft X 4ft or somewhere close to that.

50-75 Banana Leaves - The local Asian friendly grocery stores had more than enough, don’t pay more than $1.50/lb for these leaves. Make sure you clear out the store completely, nothing *ANGERS* off old asian ladies more than a white boy buying all the sticky rice leaves.

15 heads of lettuce - Don’t forget to tell the goth chick at the check out that it’s for your pet bunny.

Round river rocks - local landscape yard called them Montana Round River Rocks 4″-8″. The key is that they are round, never touched saltwater, and don’t crack easily. Steal one rock and throw it into your BBQ on high for an hour….did it explode and kill you? no? good buy a whole bunch more.

Cord of Hardwood Firewood - The key here is to burn long and hot…like *..UM... NEVERMIND*.

Plastic tarp 12′ X 12′ - Get the thick decent kind usually silver in color, not that see-through blue or green *LOW QUALITY STUFF*.

Chicken Wire 5′ X 8′ - Hardware store should have this, same rules apply as always; make sure to stop by the paint isle and ask the hot chick where the caulk is, she loves that.

Step 1

Dig a big *REALLY BIG* hole. You’ll want to start this one about 2 weeks in advance cause sure to *UNFORTUNATE CIRCUMSTANCES* you’re gonna hit a layer of clay, followed by gravel, then solid *UNFORTUNATE* cement chunks. Hole should be about 2.5 ft X 6 ft x 2 ft deep, if it looks like a shallow grave you got it right.

Comments

[houseoexcess]

yep, he's part of our christmas display, he comes out to most of our bigger parties through-out the year.

[TheInventor1997]

is that chef from south park

[TheInventor1997]

it's actually called kalua puua or kalua pig