We Borg have repeatedly attempted to assimilate Earth, but finally success is at hand!
After the numerous failed attempts the Borg Collective decided a closer study of the human species was needed. Assimilating a small number of humans does not invoke important problems, but soon after the first new Borg drones appear the humans react strongly, interfering with further assimilation. However, memories from assimilated individuals showed certain occasions allow Borg drones to move among humans inconspicuously. A particularly important recurring time like this, is referred to as “Halloween”. In preparation of a large scale assimilation campaign next Halloween a drone was sent out to occasions referred to as a “Science fiction Theme Party” and to F.A.C.T.S.
Upon this occasion, an assimilation method was tested, based on a human interaction called “massage” and the mechanisation thereof with utensils. As the depicting records below show, this was a success. The response can differ strongly, but the method seems particularly effective on humans of the female gender. As one can see even candidates to replace the long lost 7 of 9 were easily assimilate.
Vote for this Instructable, as this will improve the chances on this report being picked up by the Borg Collective through space and time. Resistance is futile.
Step 1: Equipment and Materials
- A vibrating massager with integrated LEDs. The shape seems is important. Some types seem not to be suitable when more than one human is present (i.e. what humans distinguish this as “in public”). The ones with three or four domed ends are clearly more suitable for “public” use, than the ones with a long cylindrical main shape.
- Batteries for the vibrating massage.
- An SPDT switch, preferably with a lever.
- A head massager “spider”. The simplest ones, with a cylindrical handle allow for easy integration on Borg limbs.
- one 8cm in diameter and 75 cm long (or three pieces about 25 cm long)
- two loosely fitting telescopically, approximately 4 cm in diameter and each 20 cm in length.
- A pair of black (motorcycle) gloves
- Black (spray) paint (the Borg collective insists on black)
- Black Duct Tape (The Borg Collective is held together by Duct Tape)
- Black tie wraps (The Borg Collective is held together by Duct Tape and tie wraps)
- Two red (blinking) LEDs, about 1m of wire and a 3V button cell
- Hot melt glue
The Borg drone performing the described experiment was assimilated on earth and its body was converted with local materials only: cardboard, foam rubber sheet, removable motorcycle suit padding, flexible tube for electrical installation, red LEDs, “running” LED’s electronics kits, wire, black straws , duct tape, tie wraps, melt glue, motorcycle boots and black tights. This conversion process could be documented in another Instructable upon request by the Collective.
Step 2: Heavy Duty vibrating limb implant
The Limb interface is made out of three pieces of cardboard tube, cut as shown (one end keeps about half the tube circumference, the other end about three quarters. These three parts are first glued together with a little hot melt glue. Check if the narrow end fits the arm and the wide end gives just enough room for a hand holding the massager. If not, cut again and reassemble. Then cover the cardboard assembly with a lot of black Duct Tape, on the outside and wrapped around the edges, covering the inside for about 10 cm.
Near the wide end, two openings are made, the edges of which are again covered with black Duct Tape. Attach the massager to the openings with tie wraps, with some length to spare, so it can hang down, freeing the hand. This can be very important if the drone is not fully converted with Borg implants and still has a bladder.
Step 3: Implanting the telescopic limb extension
The massagers handle is covered with tape till it tightly fits in the smallest cardboard tube and glued in place. The cardboard tube is covered in black tape. If the telescopical fit in the other tube is to tight to allow for tape, it can also be painted black (but that requires drying time).
The prepped spider massager is completely inserted in the outer tube till the handle with smaller tube is sticking out at the back. A piece of cardboard with a diameter close the outside diameter of the cardboard tube is glued on the back end. This way the spider massager can slide in and out, but it can not fall out. The piece of cardboard is covered with black tape.
Step 4: Assimilation tubules
First each of the LEDs legs is extended by soldering on a 25 cm wire. For each LED, the blank legs are first insulated from each other with some duct tape and then the wires are covered by black Duct tape up until the ends, blanked to make contact with the battery. The LEDs are taped close to the ends of two adjacent “spider” legs of the head massager.
The polarity of the wires is checked, but the battery is only connected with duct tape upon final assembly before putting it to use.
Step 5: Assimilation Strategy
RESISTANCE IS FUTILE
Reporting for the Borg Collective