Step 1: Materials
You will need:
- 8 oz. semi-sweet chocolate, either chips or a bar chopped fine
- 1/2 cup heavy whipping cream
- 2 tablespoons unsalted butter
- a bag of Just Corn (I found mine at Sports Basement)
- 2 tablespoons Nutella
- 2 tablespoons Jack Daniels or other brown liquor
- 1/8 teaspoon sea salt
I included all the optional items, because I love Nutella, and booze, and salt.
You could substitute candy corn for the Just Corn, but it will lose the realism.
Note: I would normally not use chocolate chips to make candy, as they contain stabilizers that change the final texture. But this is poo, so I went the easy route.
Step 2: Heat the Cream
Put the 1/2 cup cream and 2 Tbs butter in a small saucepan and heat on medium-high, stirring constantly. We want the cream to heat evenly without burning, and so we stir. As soon as the cream/butter comes to a boil take it off the heat and pour it over the chocolate.
Step 3: Melt the Chocolate
Now stir till the chocolate is smooth. If the chunks are stubbornly not coming out, you can either put your bowl in the microwave for 20 seconds at a time (which I don't like to do cause I think it makes it crumbly) or you can quickly rinse your cream saucepan out, boil some water in it, and pop the bowl on top for some double boiler action. This is why we used a glass or metal bowl- aren't we smart?
Step 4: Mold Your Poo
Lay out some freezer, parchment, or wax paper as a work surface. There are not a lot of pictures of the molding process, because my hands were covered in chocolate. Luckily, precision is not required. Just take a spoon (a melon baller, if you have one, would be awesome) and dig out some cherry tomato-sized chunks and roll them into balls of varying sizes. Then, stick the balls together end to end and smoosh them together, adding smaller bits on top and on the sides till it looks like a turd. I gave mine a saucy little upturned tapered end, cause I'm artistic like that.
Then, stick in your corn. Leave different amounts of the kernel exposed, and run your chocolatey fingers over them to lend a realisitic intestinal patina.
Step 5: Drop Your Log
You will have a lot of leftover chocolate- you can make it into little balls and roll it in powdered sugar, cocoa, or shaved chocolate for polite (and delicious) consumption. Your truffles will need to be stored in the fridge though- after about 30 minutes they get really soft.
Happy pranking! Hopefully your day won't get any shittier than this :)