Step 1: Get a reference image
Step 2: Gather weapons and ammo!
I used the following recipe for the cake and the frosting, which was quite tasty: http://www.hersheys.com/recipes/recipes/detail.asp?id=184&page=1&per=10&keyword=perfectly
As you can see, that recipe only makes one 9" x 13" cake. I tripled my recipe for the cake and doubled the frosting recipe.
You'll need the following supplies:
-5 1/4 cups all-purpose flour (cake flour might work too)
-6 cups sugar
-6 cups powdered sugar (AKA confectioner's sugar)
-3 7/12 (yes, seven twelfths) cups cocoa powder (I used Hershey's since it's their recipe)
-3 2/3 cups whole milk (just buy a quart)
-1 cups unsalted butter (honestly, who buys salted butter? Only suckers, that's who!)
-1 1/2 cups vegetable oil (I used soybean oil)
-8 teaspoons vanilla (You can buy a quart of pure vanilla at Smart & Final for 12 or 13 bucks, which absolutely dominates regular supermarkets like Safeway in price. So buy it from Smart & Final or some discount bulk store)
-4 1/2 teaspoons baking soda
-4 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
-1 tablespoon salt
-3 cups boiling water (apparently stores don't sell boiling water, they expect me to make it myself...sigh)
-A 9" x 13" straight sided cake pan (two would be better, three would be best...it's a big cake)
The following items are somewhat negotiable, you need something to use for the eyes, the red mouth background and the teeth. I used the following, feel free to substitute.
-Chocolate eyeballs (I used two See's candy caramel wafer things. Any type of circular chocolate truffle type thing will work wonderfully)
-White candies that you can cut to form teeth
Step 3: Start following the recipe
Grease your pans and then flour them. If you don't do this you will be very sorry later. I have no pictures of me doing this step. I was very sorry later. Do it or you will end up with the eternal question, "How do I remove a cake from a sheet cake pan without breaking it into a million pieces?" Indeed.
Throw a pot on the stove and put like 5 cups of water in it. No need to measure, but make sure it's at least 4 cups and not more than 5 or 6 cups. Cover the pot with a lid and turn on the fire! Or if you have an electric stove, do the less exciting sounding turn on the resistor!
Step 4: Mix the dry ingredients
Don't just think you'll be clever and mix all the ingredients now and save time. Because then you'll end up with baking soda that gave its all producing gas for you sitting in the bowl instead of in your oven and you'll end up with a dense flat pathetic cake that is no thicker than a piece of pita bread. I will laugh at you. In fact, I'm laughing now. Don't make me smack you, follow my instructions.
NOTE: You might want to double-check my work on these amounts since I don't know how to multiply.
Here is the breakdown for your pans, if you have one pan you use this amount:
2 cups sugar
1-3/4 cups all-purpose flour
3/4 cup cocoa powder
1-1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1-1/2 teaspoons baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
Two pans you use this:
4 cups sugar
3 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 1/2 cup cocoa powder
1 tablespoon baking powder
1 tablespoon baking soda
2 teaspoon salt
Three pans you use this:
6 cups sugar
5 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
2 1/4 cup cocoa powder
4-1/2 teaspoons baking powder
4-1/2 teaspoons baking soda
1 tablespoon salt
Stir the ingredients to produce a nice light brown color. Reminds me of dry cake ingredients stirred together.
Step 5: Wets!
1 cup milk
1/2 cup vegetable oil
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
2 cup milk
1 cup vegetable oil
4 teaspoons vanilla extract
3 cup milk
1 1/2 cup vegetable oil
2 tablespoons vanilla extract
Step 6: Start throwing stuff together like a madman
Step 7: Time to play with boiling water
1 cup boiling water
2 cups boiling water
3 cups boiling water
Measure it carefully, don't burn yourself. Not that I don't want you to hurt yourself, but the leavening agents are at work and they need to get into the oven quickly! So no burning. And if you burn yourself, then run your burn under cold water while continuing to work with your feet.
Pour the boiling water into the bowl, stir carefully so you don't splash 212 degree chocolate molten fire all over the place. The batter will become strangely elasticy. You will be slightly concerned. The batter will also be extremely liquidy. You will become even more concerned. Nevertheless, we must continue on.
Step 8: I transfered from Mixing Bowl State to Baking Pan University
I know the recipe says 35-40, but we're setting it for 30 for two reasons. One, because I say so. Two, because it's better to check early and see if the cake is done. You can't undo baking. Over-baked cake is no good. We want cake that is just barely finished. This way it stays moist. That's the idea anyway.
After the 30 minutes check the middle of the cake with a toothpick or a knife or something similar. If it comes out clean in BOTH cakes then pull them both out. If one needs more time then you can pull the other out, but be sure to set the timer if you are going to come back in two minutes. Otherwise you might forget and end up with a brick instead of fluffy Domokun innards.
Step 9: Go back and bake more cake
Step 10: Sugary chocolatey butter equals frosting!
2 sticks (1 cup) butter or margarine
1 1/3 cups cocoa powder
6 cups powdered sugar
2/3 cup milk
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
The recipe calls for melted butter here. I just let my butter sit out for a day. Do what you wish. Add your cocoa to the butter and mix well. Start adding powdered sugar and milk, alternating between the two and mixing before adding more. When you're all done with the sugar and milk you can add more sugar if you want a stiffer frosting or more milk if you want a more spreadable frosting. I added a bit more milk to make sure I could spread the frosting on the cake without destroying it. Finally add your vanilla and mix it in.
Step 11: Assembly time
Find a large serving platter or plate or tray or something that you can move around a 9" x 13" cake with arms and legs attached to it. All I had was a cookie sheet which barely fit the arms and legs. You'll want around 6" on the sides and bottom. Position your cake on whatever you have and apply a thin layer of frosting to the top of One of the sheets of cake. Take another sheet of cake and put it on top of the layer of frosting, make sure its sides are lined up evenly with the first layer. I had to adjust mine a bit after I took this picture. Put a layer of frosting over the top sheet cake.
Step 12: Insta-appendages
Step 13: I cut my teeth on cutting teeth
Prepare your mouth background (raspberries for me) by cutting them in half if you'd like. I put my teeth on the cake first, then put my raspberries on and then cut raspberries into even smaller pieces to fit between the teeth.
My eyes are round pieces of candy, so they required no preparation, but if yours do, then prepare your eyeballs now and add them to your cake.