Not many marriages survive infidelity, although some may. If you are married make a pact with yourself that you will not allow yourself to be in any situation that could lead to emotional or sexual involvement with someone other than your spouse. We all need to set boundaries for ourselves in multiple areas of life and hold to them. Marriage is only one area where we set boundaries for ourselves.
I once read a news story
that said marriage makes men better men, and that makes them more attractive to other women. Attention from women is flattering. Make it a point to respond to flirtations in any form carefully and politely; but, in a matter-of-fact, unaffected manner. These may be a woman's fingertip tap on a man's forearm, a coquettish smile or wink, compliments dripping with honey, small gifts when it is not your birthday, comments hinting at double entendre, a woman draping parts of her body seductively in your personal space, or finding excuses to be in your presence. A man and a woman once worked in the same office and recognized they were strongly attracted to each other, although married to other people. They made an agreement with each other that they would never be together in a room unless others were also in the room.
Yes, there are women who cheat on their husbands, and when they do, they inflict tremendous damage to the husband's self-esteem. But, allow me to treat this as if it is more of a problem with men than with women. Men imagine they are too clever for anyone, especially for a wife, to suspect anything. They deceive themselves. A man once took his wife to the office Christmas party. He introduced her to just about everyone in the room. During the evening the wife noticed she had not been introduced to one particular redhead. It was then that her intuition kicked in and she knew her husband was having an affair with the redhead. As one book said it, women usually know because of a thousand little things, not because of any one big thing.
Infidelity by a husband is a huge betrayal of a wife's trust far greater most men can imagine. And, as another book
said, every affair eventually comes to an end. When it does, the crashing is really, really awful. An affair just is not worth all of the costs. Over the last 40 years I have heard several people confess their sexual affairs to me. Never once have I heard anyone say, "I am really glad I did that." Rather, they are steeped in remorse.
See the next step for a discussion of Internet pornography and its effect on marriages.
The title of this step and the graphic are a remembrance of The Scarlet Letter
by Nathaniel Hawthorne. Hester Prynne, one of the principal characters was forced to wear a red letter "A" sewn to her clothing because she was found to be pregnant out of wedlock. The scandal of the story was that the father of her unborn baby was the village pastor.