40 More Handy Tricks

Step 9: Airline Personal Environmental Control

Here I am flying on American Airlines.
You ask "Why are you wearing a gasmask and underwear on your head?"

I was allergic to something and was sneezing a lot, so I put on my "comfo" brand filter mask.
I've got an "organic vapor" cartridge with an asbestos-proof pad snapped on top of that.
So it takes out any pollen and even the smell of air fresheners or paint fumes. I immediately stopped sneezing. A filter mask is also good if someone is coughing on the airplane and you suspect they have tuberculosis. A former flight attendant acquaintance got TB at work and told me it was very common.
I really wished I'd had my mask on Brunei airlines once. The flight attendants sprayed us with insecticides and wouldn't let us off the plane until it had soaked in for a while. They wouldn't tell us what the chemicals were. Don't fly Brunei.

Anyway, back to AA. It was too hot on the plane. Fortunately I had some wet laundry with me that I didn't have time to dry before leaving for the plane. I put the damp shirt around my neck and the damp boxer shorts on my head. Ahh. Cool.

The plane's PA system was playing horrible music. I think lots of people have angry voices in their heads and can't stand to be in a quiet place. So they have to play "music" all the time.
So I put in my earplugs. If that hadn't worked, I would have put my jackhammer headphones over them.

So there I was, totally comfortable, looking like a total freak I suppose. I went to sleep. No one bothered me. For all I know half the passengers were wearing even crazier outfits, but I returned the favor and didn't go around asking them why.

Comments

[frisbeechamp1983]

The spray is to kill any mosquitoes so you don't get malaria. Actually, people who work near int'l airports are more likely to get malaria that anybody else.

[Mark Rehorst]

In the US this one will get you escorted off the plane and questioned for hours by the TSA. You have been warned! You probably can't even get on a plane with a filter mask without them trying to strip search you.

[Yerboogieman]

You should have seen them when i had all my electronics stuff, a gamecube, and a scooter with me. The scooter was in my checked baggage but i got this note in it that said they hated me.

[dave13]

His friend STAR can't go to the airport WITHOUT a mask and not get in trouble. Tim (and STAR) great stuff!

[A good name]

Haha how so?

[Derin]

She got arrested when she went to the airport with a shirt with a breadboard and LED's on it.

[A good name]

That's actually not even the airport being paranoid. You should never look like you're wired to anything except an Mp3 player at the airport.

[DIWhacked]

Two words, Doctors Note.

[Leroy]

The God-awful music is just to block out the background sounds of people coughing, talking, rummaging through the overhead compartments, playing with their electronic devices, babies crying, et cetera, etc etera, et cetera.

[Deltaforce2555]

God this would get you flagged from a mile away. So explain how you get the gas mask on the plane and then explain to those around you what you are doing.