Step 5Button Dremeling
The only solution was to dremel the buttons into submission.
The Start and Select were a different problem though. They were plastic, and couldn't be dremeled. I didn't want to cut them up though, because then they wouldn't stay in the controller, but they were creating a very noticeable bulge.
Instead of cutting up all of it, I opted to cut only the renegade parts: the parts that were creating the bulge.
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