Perfect, Crispy Bacon, Easy, Every Time!

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Introduction: Perfect, Crispy Bacon, Easy, Every Time!

In this Awesome Instructable, I will show you how to make perfect, crispy bacon, every time, with less the mess and work.

Step 1: Place Your Pork

Step 1 is simple. Place your swine on to 1 or 2 cookie sheets depending on the amount of bacon and this size of your cookie sheets. Then put that silly pork in the oven which has been preheated to 350 degrees of bacon loving heat.

The ladys have been to my house and have said that my cookie sheet is huge. True story.

Step 2: Watch Your Pork Closley

Pay attention to your pork as it will need flipped once or maybe twice. If you do not watch it and wait to long, it may burn or stick to the cookie sheet. I suggest flipping it every 5-7 minutes until it's done, usually about 20-25 total oven time, or if you live under my roof, that's 20-25 minutes of pure awesome, (that is how time is measured around me, in units of awesome).

Step 3: Romove That Sweet Pig and Stuff Your Fat Yapper.

That's right, your pig is done and it's time to chow down. Now if you like your pig and like to eat your pig, you have made your eggs, potatoes, toast, and pancakes while your bacon cooked and it's time to dig in. Place your bacon on some paper towels or napkins to drain the grease off. If your a "green" person, you can place it in a strainer instead of wasting the paper products, and then you can tell all of your friends how cool you are, they may even adopt a nickname for you like, "awesome possum" or "Joe Freakin Cool".
Personally, I like to place this tastey bacon on a peice of wheat toast, lightly buttered, WITH REAL BUTTER, no pvc here, and a fresh slice of tomato from my sweet, sweet garden. I then follow it up with a glass of pinapple juice and I give the wife a little smack on the beezer as I exit the kitchen.
Disgard the grease from your cookie sheets and place them in your dishwasher. Now you are done. Congratulations. I hope you all watched your step as I dropped knowledge all over the place.
Now, go in peace.

Step 4: Watch Yourself When You Comment on This Instructable

I know there are grammatical errors, spelling errors, and maybe something you don't agree with. Guess who doesn't care? This Guy. So don't bother mentioning those mistakes, I KNOW they are there. Also, I would love to hear everything else, the good, the bad, and like your Mom, the ugly.

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    125 Comments

    But I must retort.

    I love the way this is written, who knew cooking bacon could make you so awesome. I think I will adopt the nickname awesome possum.

    Line cookie pan/sheet first with non stick cooking 'Parchment Paper' for oven cooking...you will never have a sticking problem & pan will always clean up easily once grease is poured off!!

    ewwww that bacon is 99% fat thats horrible! in england our bacon is 90% meat and you can buy trimmed bacon which has virtually no fat on it at all, look at the picture below, thats how it should be, its very tasty and ALOT healthier than those fat strips eaten in america Kiteman will back me up on this :D

    back%20bacon.jpg


    You English ... still so competitive after all this time.  The 'bacon' you eat is called 'ham' in this country, although not because it is actual ham.  Furthermore, presuming your 'bacon' is still pork, albeit lower in saturated fat, it is not as you say 'ALOT' (must be an English word) healthier because they both are still high in saturated fat.


    Well...saturated fat is not anywhere near as unhealthy as 'a lot' of people tend to believe it is. In balanced amounts (relative to other fats, mono- and poly-unsaturated) it's an important nutrient. What you have to watch out for are the TRANSfats, which are a manufactured product and genuinely unhealthy.

    Don't get me started on England, politicians wearing womens wigs, security gaurds that don't move, (that's effective), kings, queens, and knights??? WTF? You people are like a walking deck of cards. Don't bring your bacon talk here GOVNA! PS, If you refer to American bacon as crap once more, I may have to bring up WWII, and trust me, you don't want that...

    For a start, our politicians don't wear wigs, it's our judges who do that (bunch of skirt wearing cross-dressers too). Our security guards may not move (at least the royal guard's) but the reason they wear such tall hats is to hide the mini mp5's and p90's under them. We haven't had a King for 60 years, and what's wrong with being a knight? Knights are cool. As for WWII, At least we fought from begining to end and didn't just jump in halfway through (or quit after 5 minutes like the cheese-eating surrender-monkeys). And your bacon is crap, nothing beats oak-smoked wiltshire-cured, gloucester old spot back bacon.

    I have to admit, this back bacon with all the other words in front of it sounds pretty damn good to this american. Can you believe that we bred our pigs to be lean?! You can't even get pork in america in most places that are like you could 30 years ago.

    Knights are not cool. Sword fighting went out with candlelight. Do you know who is a knight? I'll tell you, Elton John. That's right, you knight fruit loops. If Elton John is a knight then you may now consider me Robo Cop. I kind of like the spin on that anyway.