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"Well being" is not the same as being well.

These tips don't guarantee any sort of cure of what ails you.  If we're honest, no website or self-help book can do that.

They are, though, a tool-kit that you can use as you need to to help you be happier with yourself as a person.

Not all will be right for you - just pick and mix as you want.


(Note: the images are pretty meaningless, generally lifted from around the web, but an image-free posting upsets the filters.  I've given sources where I know them, but if you know of [problems with their use, please let me know and I will happily change them.)

Step 1: Find Your Space

Everybody needs a place to call their own, a place to think and cogitate without interruption.

For most people, it will be somewhere at home - a bedroom, a den, a shed, a beanbag in the corner.

However, not everybody is the same.  Maybe your space is in the local library, maybe it's a bench in the park, or even on the local commuter train, in the corner of the carriage with your headphones on. 

Wherever it is, find your space, and go there when you need to.


Step 2: Know Your Worth


Most people are very good at self-criticism, and will put themselves down at the slightest opportunity.

Stop it.

Take some time, sit down with a pen and paper, and make yourself a list of good points.  Things you are good at, things that  others appreciate.

It doesn't matter how small or how large these good points are - where you find some, more will appear.


Step 3: Relax


Actively find a way to relax yourself in body and mind.

If you can afford the cost or the time, get a head massage from a professional.  In between times, take a few moments out of your day for some breathing exercises:

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This exercise is good for helping yourself drift off to sleep.

Sit or lie down comfortably.

Close your eyes.

Picture the deep blackness of space, filled with a giant red sun. It is huge, but dull. You can feel its warmth all over your body, but it doesn't burn.

Watch the Sun as you slowly breath.

Breath in through your nose and watch the Sun expand slightly.

Breath out through your mouth and watch it shrink.

The longer you breath out, the smaller and fainter the Sun gets.

Keep breathing slowly as the Sun fades away.

The smaller the Sun gets, the slower you breath.

Smaller ... fainter ... slower ...

Smaller ... fainter ... slower ...

.............................sleep..........

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This exercise is good for relaxing after a stressful episode, such as an argument.

Sit or lie comfortably. Perfect position is sitting upright in an office or dining chair where you can put your feet flat on the floor. Put your hands on your knees, relax your back, slump a little.

Close your eyes and think about your body. Picture the stressful feelings as an inky black liquid permeating your body.

Breath in slowly through your nose, lifting your chest and shoulders as you do.

Blow out slowly through your mouth (put a little effort into it), and, in your mind's eye, watch the level of the black liquid go down a little. Feel it drain away through your feet into the floor.

With each breath out, the level goes down more.

The liquid in your arms will drain out of your hands, down your legs and out your feet.

You should be able to feel muscles un-knot and even feel warmer as the level drops past them.

(You can also do this exercise whilst sitting in traffic. Imagine the liquid draining right out through the floor of the car, pooling in the road. As you drive off, you leave the stress of the day behind you - just don't close your eyes!)

(If you're lying on your back to do this, imagine the liquid draining out of the small of your back).



NB: I first posted these exercises in 2007.


Step 4: Get Physical


Physical exercise is good for you.

As well as keeping you fit, it also helps you sleep, can give you a bit of blank-mind time to help you think (not to relax, though), and is a good stress-reliever.

Depending on your mood, preferences and ability, go out occasionally and do something that gets you out of breath - run along the beach, climb the whole tower-block stair-well, have a snowball fight, dig the garden - or gets the heart pounding some other way (bungee jumping, firing a gun, go on a roller coaster).

Martial arts are also a good option, since, when properly pursued,  they also encourage the spiritual aspects of Well Being.



Step 5: Cut Loose.

Don't make it a regular thing, but the occasional heavy night with friends can be a good release.  Make a pub quiz team and aim for the lowest score.  Go to a club.  Get some trashy videos in with your friends and some beers.

If you don't fancy being drunk, have a go at boxing, paint-balling, rugby, or any other activity with a high probability of bruises or a trip to A&E.


Remember:
  • Never, ever get drunk alone.
  • Never, ever drive drunk.
  • Always remember that you could easily be over the legal limit the next day.  If it's been a really heavy night, leave it 24 hours before you drive.
  • Do not make heavy nights a regular habit - be aware that alcohol is both habit-forming and toxic.



Step 6: Talk


When somebody asks how you are, the response always seems to be a reflexive "I'm fine".

But, sometimes you're not.

Take time to talk to people.  Find somebody you can have a chat with, somebody to rant at.  OK, so they probably can't fix what ails you.  Maybe nobody can.  But talking about things out loud, or typing them in an email, helps you get things straight in your head, fix your perspective.

Get in the habit of talking about how you feel when you feel fine, and then it's easier when you don't.

You could write things down in a diary, but diaries can't respond or give feedback.

You could blog, but you never know who, exactly, is reading it.

You could rant and rave at a web-cam for YouTube, but the feedback is generally useless, and you have even less anonymity than with a blog.

If you don't want (or can't find) a real, actual human to talk to, face-to-face, over the phone or by email, then there is always the option of some sort of therapy.  This can be expensive if it is not covered by some sort of insurance cover (or state help such as the NHS), but I have known things like cognitive therapy to help greatly when dealing with stressful situations.

Failing that, there are organisations, such as the Samaritans* who can at least be a listening ear.



Samaritans UK

Samaritans USA


Step 7: Challenge Yourself.


Ruts in the track may be easy to follow, but they also restrict your choice of route.

Get out of the rut.

Learn a new skill, try something you find difficult.

Get a hobby.  The internet is not a hobby.  Video games are not a hobby.

Learn to solder, sew, cook, weld, dance, throw your voice.

When you go to the library, don't walk straight to the shelves you usually visit - try a soppy romance, or a text on the history of a country you have never heard of.

Pick up a discarded newspaper and do the crossword.  Finish it, however long it takes.

Change your takeaway option, even if that only means trying a different number 17 with noodles, instead of your usual number six with rice.


Hello, sir, it's Kian
Nice! <br>This Ible makes me remember that book: <br>http://www.barefootdoctorglobal.com/books/1/Handbook-for-the-Urban-Warrior/ <br>;)
Great! Thanks for sharing!
&quot;When somebody asks how you are, the response always seems to be a reflexive &quot;I'm fine&quot;.<br>But, sometimes you're not.&quot;<br><br>This reminds me so much of the movie &quot;Patch Adams&quot;, with Robin Williams, where he does a test of saying hello to people in more heartfelt (and abnormal)manners. Always makes me smile :)
I met the real patch Adams. He really does greet people like that.
lol. hahahahahahah i love that picture of theat guy
My fictional deity is greater than yours! :-)
<br> <div class="media_embed"> <iframe frameborder="0" height="349" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/qmqKgISzgN0" width="425"><br> </iframe></div>
I presume that it could turn into and instructable.....
Indeed.<br><br><sub>See the &quot;reply&quot; button? It makes it easier to keep track of who is talking to who.<br><br></sub>
Got any ancestors from Oz, the Aussie male MUST have a shed in which to create. The women folk there agree, here in the US they are much less tolerant. However the Tao of Kiteman has inspired me to get out in the garden and layout the foundation and get to building.
Cool - don't forget, take photos as you go.
look its calvin and hobes!!!
&quot;When you wake up in the morning, Pooh,&quot; said Piglet at last, &quot;what's the first thing you say to yourself?&quot;<br>&quot;What's for breakfast? said Pooh. &quot;What do you say, Piglet?&quot;<br>&quot;I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?&quot; said Piglet.<br>Pooh nodded thoughtfully.<br>&quot;It's the same thing,&quot; he said.
Step one - Find your space (I've been confined to an 18 foot by 12 foot room, which wouldn't be bad except my &quot;partner&quot; took over 9/10's of the room and I am now relegated to a 5 foot by 3 foot area, including all my tools, my misc stuff for building things, my electronics parts bins, my 3 work benches also covered with tools and parts, one book case filled with software, and one chair that has enough room around it to move 3 inches in 3 of four directions.<br> <br> Step #2 know your worth- most of my &quot;worth&quot; sadly is locked away in my head.&nbsp; Without the room nor the tools to do the things I want to (much less the time), it remains there unless I stumble onto someone's question that I can answer in here.<br> <br> Step 3 relax.....tis hard when working in a closet....<br> <br> Step 4,&nbsp; yes, I need to get exercise...it is good, not just for the body but for the mind too.<br> <br> Step 5:&nbsp;&nbsp; cut loose...this means trouble in my home, so I am never able to do this...ever.<br> <br> Step 6 talk:&nbsp; I would if I had someone to talk to.&nbsp; The wife doesn't do much of it lately, and when I get to work, everyone else is leaving...<br> <br> Step 7 Challenge yourself. . . now THIS ONE I can do, and I do it often.&nbsp;&nbsp; I read new subjects (lately it has been cosmology, but I have read up on quantum physics, genetics, orientation, scripting, programming of several languages, electronics, wood working, robotics, radio transmission/receiving, mechanical movements, and lateral thinking in general, etc.&nbsp; I also challenge myself by building things outside my area of expertise (anything that is not strictly electronic in nature, in other words ;-)&nbsp; like my recent tesseract project.<br> <br> Kiteman....I am not critiquing your topic here, it is well done, but I am pretty much hog tied when it comes to things along this line.<br> <br> I won't be able to make 3 ibles in 3 days, but I have already put out more this year in 2 weeks then I have in any other 2 weeks of last year...so some of the control is in my court as it were....I just need to push harder.<br>
I loved this instructable! And I couldn't agree more with this last step. My life has changed immensely since I really challenged myself by going back to college. Didn't do so well the first round, but going back, I was in the right state of mind to accept the challenge. Because of that, I am a completely different person - not &quot;invisible&quot; any more.
Thank you, and well done.
<blockquote> &quot;When somebody asks how you are, the response always seems to be a reflexive &quot;I'm fine&quot;.<br> <br> But, sometimes you're not.&quot;</blockquote> Best piece of advice here :)<br> <br> Also, thanks to <a href="http://bentobjects.blogspot.com/">Terry Border</a> (and very timely):<br> <br> <blockquote> &quot;It's funny- when we go on holiday, it's to get away from work, but when the holiday comes to us, it becomes all about work. I think we're doing it wrong.&quot;</blockquote> <br> Imagine the funny looks you'd get if you wished people a &quot;relaxing christmas&quot;.&nbsp; Almost sounds like an oxymoron, doesn't it?<br>
99% of the time if I respond with anything &quot;other then&quot; I'm fine, I get a return gazed that looks glazed over as if people really didn't care &quot;how I was&quot;; they MEANT to say &quot;hi&quot; but it my be awkward and cliche to them (shrug)
True, so you do have to pick carefully the person you are planning on overwhelming with angst. But even the best friend isn't as good as a diary (sorry Kiteman!). A diary is by far superior to a human ear, mostly <em>because</em> it doesn't talk back, and interrupt with support (or stupid advice...). Sometimes you still want to continue being angry or feeling sorry for yourself for a while, and kind words get in the way. Even worse, the person might follow up a few days later when you're over it with an unwanted reminder of that whole embarrassing episode you'd rather forget... I'd much rather talk to my dog of my troubles, even though if I cry I get his hair all over my face and he looks so alarmed it just spoils the mood. So diaries are the best. You can wallow as much as you like, be as mean as you want to be, nobody will get hurt, you won't be embarrassed later, you can get it all out then get on with your life.
But there IS that lack of feedback from the diary :-)
I was thinking more in terms of spleen and existentialism, rather than practical problems. But hey, even in those cases, I find to sit down and write lists of pros and cons, then comparing the lists, will help me figure out what my best options are for any given problem. Of course talking to others is important too, but writing for oneself will definitely help sort out issues and priorities.
I have found that if I &quot;speak things out loud&quot;, especially TO someone, I tend to be able to work things out, but then, we all have different mechanisms that work, eh?
Oh! You and Terry Border have just improved my life! ! <br><br>I've never imagined putting those two words in the same sentence much less together. &quot;Relaxing Christmas&quot;... just repeating it mentally is an expanding experience....... I can feel my shoulders relax.... I'm grinning.... Aaaahhhhhh! <br>
Thanks.
All good stuff, Kiteman... and at an especially useful time of year. Thanks!
Thanks!
BWAHAHAHAAHAAA! You have Toothpaste For Dinner!!!<br><br>Very nice collage of meaningful living. I recommend adding martial arts to Step 4 (&quot;Get Physical&quot;), since most martial arts implement spiritual well-being with the physical aspect. :D
Good idea - I will add it right now.
Now now. I think we can do a little better than that sir.<br> <br> <strong>Bazzinga! You just go vectorised.</strong><br> <br> Please find attached a new main picture for this instructable.<br> Also find on your orange board a high res version for your profile picture and other uses.
I've always been a big fan of the short-term, everyday (multiple times a day, really) breathing and relaxation techniques. I'm also a big fan of &quot;redneck therapy&quot;: shooting guns in the woods until your wrists and shoulders hurt, and then retiring to an undeveloped, public lands campsite for an evening of (preferably wild elk, deer, or grouse) meat burnt over a fire and copious amount of beer and spirits. About twice a year seems to do the trick. Good advice, as always, K-man.
Thank you.
Thank you! You have no idea how timely this was for me!

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