Portal Cake: This Cake is a Lie

Picture of Portal Cake: This Cake is a Lie
I'd just like to start off by saying "This was a Triumph. I'm making a note here: Huge Success! Its hard to overstate my satisfaction."

This cake came around because a friend of mine is having a birthday soon. However something is wrong with the dear girl because she doesn't like cake. I told her to trust me, I'd make her a cake she'd enjoy. Because she's been through other culinary adventures with me, including breaded and deep fried bacon, she reluctantly agreed. Then I took off in a completely different direction. I just figured, While I'm making a meatloaf that looks like a cake, why not make it in the image of the infamous Portal cake? For this cake, ladies and gentlemen, is in fact a lie.
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Step 1: Ingredients

Picture of Ingredients
2 lbs 80/20 Ground Chuck
2 eggs
1 cup breadcrumbs
1 cup chopped onions
1 carrot shredded
4 grape tomatoes
1/2 cup cheddar cheese
2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce
1 Teaspoon Salt
1 Teaspoon Pepper

1 packet Brown Gravy
1/8 teaspoon corn starch
3 large potatoes (although 2 would have been enough)
1/4 cup milk
6 grape tomatoes

Step 2: Getting Started

Picture of Getting Started
First things first. You want to get the potatoes cooking, those will take the longest guaranteed.

Start by washing them off. Give them a rinse, maybe a little scrub with a brush if you have one. We're going to be pealing them but there is no reason to risk getting anything in your food. "Cleanliness is next to godliness", is more true than ever in the kitchen.

Once they're washed go ahead and peel them, then chop them up. Try to keep them all about the same size so they cook evenly. Dump the chopped potatoes in a pot, fill with water till their covered then put on the lid and set them on the stove. Medium should be enough. Now don't forget about these, we'll use them later. And that pot might boil over depending how big it is. I accidentally grabbed one a size too small if you ask me.
A Portal cake a made for a friends birthday =)
McGrep4 years ago
Well, this cake really is a lie.

Inventive and refreshingly Portal-reminiscent. Sweet (even though it's meat loaf).
More savoury I suppose. But tasty Portal Meatloaf!!!
I LOVED the concept, especially because my son is a huge Portal fan, dislikes cake, and loves meatloaf. The problem I had was trying to assemble the cake when it was too hot. The mashed potato filling kept letting the top layer slide, even when I made them really dry. Next time, I will try letting everything cool first. But the concept was just brilliant!
This cake is great :)
l8nite4 years ago
Im getting ready to make a meatloaf my way and thought Id see what other "ibles" had been made of meatloafs, this one really "takes the CAKE" pun intended.. This is sooooo cool I can hardly wait for an occasion to spring it on the family !
knex_mepalm4 years ago
I thought it was doggy doo when I first saw it.
Lindie4 years ago
I love your cake! What a great idea!
MikeyBlair4 years ago
I like the way you think - it really looks just like a cake. Good job.
LucifeL4 years ago
wish there was a pic of a slice of it... ;)
ElusiveGreen (author)  LucifeL4 years ago
Sorry its already gone so there's nothing can be done for that. Until next time at least. I like the whole idea of pseudo food though, so I'm gonna try to come up with some more things like this.
Awww... thass so sweet of u, lolzz really looking forward to ur list of pseudo food.. though i'm planning to make this for christmas when i'm alone, yet feel like celebrating.. with a beautiful bottle of Fleurie to go with it... lolzz
5oldier4 years ago
This is the most superbly written 'ible I've ever read. I just probably would never make the actual cake. That's all.
Well, did the birthday girl like the 'cake' you made her.
ElusiveGreen (author)  janettetsmith4 years ago
Very much so
mrninja5 years ago
Sweet Idea! LoL =P
EmmettO5 years ago
Although I like meatloaf and cake, this irks me in an unexpected way because food in any form usually does not irk me. Unless it's parsnips but that's a different story. In the end though, a effective lie. It did deceive me.
EmmettO Speaking on behalf of Parsnips, I implore you to give them another chance. They are not some albino carrot, they are a fine vegetable that tastes like parsley and grass and summer, even in the middle of the winter.
After 60 years of people trying to make me a parsnip lover by cooking them in dozens of ways, all I can say is that someone must like them but it surely is not me, my husband(1st husband either) or son. One daughter did a bit, but one or two bites was all she could handle either. You are right, they taste like grass, not parsley or summer no matter what time of the year. There are only 2 vegetables I cannot abide one is eggplant, the other parsnips.
Yikes! We should move this to the forum. "What is your opinion of parsnips? Angel cake or Devil's food?" But let's not muck up TyrenRaven's nice ible any more with discussions of parsnips. I didn't know I'd get a reaction from that.
I don't know if my mom just didn't know how to cook them or what, but I'm scarred. The other thing is I don't taste things the same way most people do so maybe it's just me. Like the one time I made something with lemon juice that tasted great to me but made everyone else pucker.
Cut them into 1cm cubes toss them w/ oil and salt. Roast until the edges are crisped and the insides are tender. (This works for all root vegetables, infact).
mdeblasi15 years ago
I once went to a pot luck, where I excitedly put what looked like Sezhuan marinated tofu in my mouth, only to find it was cheese (cream cheese?) chunks with strawberry jam. Maybe not bad if you're expecting it, but I nearly hurled. Now that was a lie
freecell645 years ago
Yum a bit unhealthy but who cares you can burn it off later. great idea . is it easy to serve?
The cake is a lie because it's a meatloaf!
kcls5 years ago
Portal FTW! Awesome job, my friend. But we SERIOUSLY need an instructable on that breaded and deep fried bacon.
ElusiveGreen (author)  kcls5 years ago
Lol, duly noted. Might be a little while though. I'm going to the State fair up in Milwaukee and I think I'm gonna have enough on my plate as is when it comes to fried food.
kelseymh5 years ago
Epic Win! The juncture of meat and cake is a singularity of culinary pleasure hitherto never experienced by mere mortals. May the gods praise the name of Tyren from the depths to the heights!
Knightsabre5 years ago
This cake is full of win! I love it!
gamegenie2k5 years ago
Don't forget the: Fish shaped crackers. Fish shaped candies. Fish shaped solid waste, Fish shaped dirt. Fish shaped ethyl benzene. Pull and peel licorice.. Fish shaped organic compounds and sediment shaped sediment. Candy coated peanut butter pieces, Shaped like fish. And the rhubarb. :3 By the way, that's a really cool idea. I'd love to surprise my family with this. :P
sgsidekick5 years ago
Now that is a very cute idea!