Epic Portal Cake

This is a triumph. I'm making a note here: Huge Success. 

Completely from scratch, proportionate, CGI-quality, triple layer goodness. Created for you by a trusted friend in science.

Step 1 Ingredient List

Note: I designed this recipe to make a cake that will look as much as the CGI cake as possible. Oil is used in the cake instead of butter to make flatter cake layers - a lopsided Portal cake would be too sad... No pecan in mine, and I left the stems on the cherries for the picture (ala The Cake is a Lie graphics)... that's all. Hope you like it!

THE CAKE:
2 1/2 c flour
1 1/2 c cocoa powder
2t baking soda
3/4t baking powder
1t salt

3oz semisweet chocolate
1/2c hot coffee
1 c hot water
3c sugar
3 eggs
3/4c vegetable oil
1 1/2c buttermilk
1t vanilla

ITALIAN CREAM FROSTING:
14oz cream cheese, cold
14 oz butter, room temp
2t vanilla
6c powdered sugar

COCONUT FILLING:
1/3 of the prepared Italian cream
2 cups shredded coconut, sweetened

CHOCOLATE FROSTING:
2/3 of the prepared Italian cream
8oz bittersweet chocolate melted with 3T water, and then cooled a bit

COOKIE CRUMB COATING:
9oz pkg Nabisco Famous Chocolate Cookie Wafers

TOPPING:
2 tubes of white cake decorator icing
8 perfect, red cherries, stem on or off – you choose

Comments

[aday4]

You mention, "Butter and line the bottoms of three 8” cake pans with parchment. Butter and flour pans." What do you mean? Do I cut a circle out of parchment paper and place in the bottom and just butter and flour the edges? Do I butter the parchment paper?

How thick is the Italian cream? Would it be usable for under the cherries? I happen to be allergic to most frosting.

I'm allergic to coconut. Do you have any interesting substitutes?

I have a ton of allergies so I'm glad to see you have a recipe from scratch. I plan to make a variation of your recipe for my boyfriend's birthday. Me and him happen to be big portal fans. I also happen to be allergic to everything.

[aday4]

Also does it taste good?

[kw_palleiko]

This is our new favorite cake. It tastes amazing! You can just skip the coconut altogether. Yes, you could use the italian cream under the cherries. A lot less toxic than the stuff out of the tube!

[dhughes14]

On a serious note, there should be a candle!

[kw_palleiko]

The candle came later. I couldn't find one of the exact proportion so it didn't make the picture. It was sad.

[jamesjamesjames]

A Portal cake a made for a friends birthday =)

[kw_palleiko]

This is amazing!

[GeneralMastiff]

your missing 3 ingredients:
1: 1 18.25 oZ choclate packeged cake mix
2: 1 Crossed Bore Hole Electromagnetic Imaging ruhbarb
3 and an entry called: How to kill a man w/ your bare hands

[neo-sky]

Completely correct.

[neo-sky]

If you don't like cherries you can take Rice Krispies, roll them in a small ball, and cover them in cherry red fondant. You can also just roll up the fondant, but it won't taste good when you forget that it's fondant not real cherries.

[knexwalrus]

u forgot the deep penitrating asians!

[fantomzed]

How about that sediment shaped sediment.... or the swedish fish...

[itzepiic]

**RAGE**

I need a sauce on where I can get those window stickers!

[kw_palleiko]

Yeah!!! On eBay! Search "Portal Decal"

[atomiclizard]

Nice cake but where's the fish shaped dirt or fish shaped ethyl benzene?

[kw_palleiko]

I know, I know.... Let's say they are implied. Like when someone says "made with love" we can say "made with fish shaped dirt or fish shaped ethyl benzene" :)

[atomiclizard]

HA!

I like it very much.

My next cake recipe is going to end with "Made with love...and fish shaped ethyl benzene ♥."

[jen7714]

It looks pretty good :) Nice job.

[kw_palleiko]

Yeah, that's a Gary's Mod picture of the cake! But I love companion cubes...