Introduction: Pretentious the Clown
Ever wonder how to play with your food in public? I know plenty of adults who want to play with their food, but they just don't know where to start. I like to make a scene where I know people are going to judge me, and often try to hurt people's feelings for not being exactly the same as everyone else.
Step 1: Restaurant
Be sure to choose a restaurant with better atmosphere than cuisine. Usually the staff will be snooty and unpleasant (However, our server was really nice that day.)
Step 2: Order
Choose something from the menu that actually sounds good. Maybe the chefs will focus on the temperature of your food, instead of the exact placement of each piece of arugula.
Step 3: Attempt to Eat
Try your culinary adventure. If the flavor is not what you wanted, proceed to step 4.
Step 4: Play With Your Food
With much frivolity, giggles, snorts, and screeches, begin to create masterful pieces of art with the canvas laid before you. Be sure to make enough noise for the kitchen and the manager to hear you. Threaten to steal crayons from small children. The piece d'art pictured in this how-to is entitled "Pretentious the Clown". Mashed potatoes are the white clown make-up base. Arugula sits atop the clown's head to compose his coiffure. A cluster of capers provides eyes for the unfortunate circus-dweller. A cherry tomato creates the most recognized symbol of all things clowny--the big red nose. Sweet potato fries from another diner's meal were stolen to fashion some fittingly orange ears. (Don't be afraid to think outside your plate!) Another cherry tomato was sliced in half to create earrings; We are at a fancy restaurant after all! Lastly a piece of chicken, which I could have made at home, was sliced into a somewhat frowning mouth, however, all art is open to interpretation and you may see a smiling clown.
We have a be nice policy.
Please be positive and constructive.