Introduction: Quick & Easy Computer Practical Joke With Attitude to Spare!
This practical joke came out of a comment from one of my other ‘ibles (which was inspired by another ‘ible.)
Here is a link to my original ‘ible…
Simply, it’s just a quick file that you add to the target’s computer that makes it talk when run.
First, I’ll show you how to make the file (it’s only a few lines of code,) then how to put it in the startup of the computer. Note, I’ll also add a way to hide it even better if you want to be really annoying.
Step 1: What It Does and the Boilerplate
This ‘ible will show you how to create a file on the target’s computer that will speak whatever message to you want when they start up their machine. This prank is pretty limitless. There is no end to what you can make the computer say, and it’s undetectable unless they are looking for it.
Some ideas might be…
“I’m sorry Dave, but you can’t work today”
“System error, call someone smarter than you for help!”
“Really, again with just turning me on and going to work”
Or, my favorite…
“Help, BAD TOUCH!! BAD TOUCH!”
When it runs, there is no indication of what is going on. Even better, they may not realize that you put the file there and they may not know how to remove it.
In a ‘cubicle farm,’ this joke could provide entertainment all day as people start up their machines and don’t realize what is about to happen to them. And each person could have a different message tailored to them!
As with all ‘ibles, please use this one responsibly. With knowledge comes personal responsibity. Don’t abuse it.
Step 2: What You Need, and Let's Get Started!
What you need is a victim (with a sense of humor) who has a WinXX machine (I believe this will work on other platforms, but I can’t test it here in Afghanistan right now.)
You also need access to the machine for less than a minute (if you are fast.)
That’s it! Let’s get started…
Ok, you have access to the computer (either in person, or remotely,) Just create this file in a new notepad.exe file and put it wherever to want to hide it on their machine. The root of c: is fine. The filename isn’t important, but the file extension must be .vbs. Name it something that will not draw attention, like “start.vbs” or “Adobe.vbs.”
You can either type this text in into a new notepad.exe file, or just cut it from the bold text below and paste it into a new notepad.exe file…
userInput = ("What are you doing, dave? bad touch")
Set Sapi = Wscript.CreateObject("SAPI.SpVoice")
Note, the italicized text is the message you want your computer to “read” out loud. Have fun with it!
Now, save that file with your “adobe.vbs” name (or whatever.)
We’re halfway there!
Step 3: Add the File to the Startup Folder.
OK, there are many subtle variations to exactly how to get the file into a startup folder. So your mileage may vary. The easiest way is to just find the file in Windows Explorer, right click on it, and selection “Copy.”
Then, click on the “Start” button, and go to the “Startup” folder (it might be listed in “All Programs”) and right click and select paste.
Then, just put the computer desktop back the way you found it and get out of there.
Now, just wait for the reboot, and get ready to laugh!
That’s it! Please, use responsibly.
Other variations on this prank are to embed the .vbs file name in a .bat file that loads one of their normal programs. Replace the icon with your .bat file and it will read the text and then start the program. It may take them some time to figure this one out.
If you hide the file really well, this joke can last a while as they try to figure out why their computer keeps talking to them. You can even change the message to reflect changing conditions or days. (Example, if you victim’s name is Joey, “Hello Joey, have a great Tuesday!”)