Raise a 743-Pound Catfish

I want to tell you the story of the catfish that used to live in our pond out back.

Illustrations by Mozhi.

Step 1 Make a farm pond.

My uncle made our pond by burying a case of dynamite and setting it off with wires and a battery from a very long way away. The police were much more tolerant of blowing things up in those days.

Comments

[clzfishing]

How do u get 1 inch and a half catfish to grow huge quickly because if I put him back in the water other fish will eat him.

[fritz.bogott]

Alas, I have only lies and tall tales to offer in answer to your question. Would you like one?

[clzfishing]

Sure I may as well get some sort of answer.

[Hubiewan]

What kind of  substances, legal or not, that you might be using.  Might want to try some myself.   Great story, though.

[fritz.bogott]

I'm drug-free, although I concede that compulsive storytelling resembles a form of mental illness.

If you liked this story, you might also enjoy the stories at http://fritzbogott.com.

[TheMarchingNerd]

This is one of the best Instructables ever. This is beyond awesome.

[fritz.bogott]

You're very kind.  Many of my stories are up on my website http://fritzbogott.com, and I have printed up some of them as chapbooks (with illustrations by me not Mozhi, sadly).  I would love to send them to you if you'd like.

[temp]

This should be like, framed or something. But, alas, the internet is rather hard to frame, and if it was printed not everyone would be able to see it. We've run into a dead end here.

[fritz.bogott]

It's the furthest thing from a dead end.

It's CC-licensed--and Mozhi posted big scans of all the illustrations on flickr--so you are fully empowered to produce your own printed or digital versions and pass them around (or pretend they're religious tracts and leave them in Greyhound stations, etc.) We would celebrate and do handsprings! God knows we need a street team!

The closest we've come to a street team was at Maker Faire San Mateo 2008, where Fairegoers videotaped themselves reading from our novel Boggle and Sneak. The CC-licensed novel, the Maker Faire videos and the related instructable are all linked at boggleandsneak.com.

[temp]

I might have to do just that.

[spenfisher12]

cool

[fritz.bogott]

Thanks!

[spenfisher12]

...

[spenfisher12]

yeh i wish yuo can go to the hardwere store and buy dynamite but now nothing over 50 grains with out a licence

[turner22]

Dude, I honestly came to bash on this Instructable but it turned out to be way cool. way to go.

[fritz.bogott]

Glad you enjoyed it!

[cave man smash!!]

when i read the title i thought it would be about raising a pond fish, and i was slightly dissapointed when i found it was a story. the story itself, on the other hand was great. 6:10 for the ible 11:10 for the tale (ps i m not mathematically inept)

[fritz.bogott]

Yes, I'm ambivalent about the bait-n-switch. If there were a bin for "this isn't an instructable but instructables readers are the ideal audience for it," I would have filed it there. Meantime everybody is being very indulgent of my misconduct. Glad you enjoyed the story. I have a bunch of other recent ones up on http://novel-a-month.com and a makery/geekery novella up at http://novel-a-month.com/pismo (Wood gasification! Fibonacci numbers! Murder-sonnets!)

[captswank]

thats awesome, almost didnt hit next step, glad i did, ty for the story

[fritz.bogott]

Glad you enjoyed it!

[lemonie]

What is this ? And did MozhiDian give you permission? L

[fritz.bogott]

This is an illustrated story that puts the Instructables format to mildly-ironic use. I hope you enjoy it! Mozhi is a talented illustrator with whom I frequently collaborate. He has really surpassed himself here!

[lemonie]

The Instructables format is something that you have made or done. I think we need another format for "how to deal with zombies" and other essays...?
Who is MozhiDian around here?

L

[Biopyro]

I think we need another format for "how to deal with zombies" and other essays...? +1

[lemonie]

I've thought that an essay-type format would be useful for a while. For example - buying JB Weld, comparative prices on juices, computer bits etc. There's a lot of stuff people would like to put up that doesn't fit too well in any existing categories. OK this is a maker-site, so things that aren't "making" don't fit, but that doesn't stop people putting them in. L

[fritz.bogott]

As far as I know, Mozhi doesn't have an Instructables account.

[lemonie]

OK, I'll read "He has really surpassed himself here!" as there I thought you meant he was here somewhere. Thanks for the clarification.

L

[ironsmiter]

I don't care if it IS fiction! "If he ever figures out how to transport the erratic he's welcome to it." How dare the protagonist go and transport his fish, and then abandon the balloon, before even OFFERING to use it to try and move the rock for his uncle on the other side. Especially since that 12 foot bolder probably weighs pretty darn close to the 743 lb catfish. oops, my math was off. I was figuring a 12x8x8 granite boulder, and got 768. Forgot to then multiply by 175 for the granites density. I suppose there's probably a slight difference between 3/4 and 134.5 thousand lbs. I forgive him for not offering to do it with the balloon now :-)

[fritz.bogott]

LOL!

[CameronSS]

I'm not sure what exactly this is instructing, but it's pretty awesome anyway.

[fritz.bogott]

I confess that's a mystery to me too. I'm delighted you enjoyed it!