There you are. The sketcher. With famished, time-starved hands. Don’t you wish you could spend more time drawing and less time fumbling for the right shade of graphite? Oh, those tiny inscriptions! Does that pencil say 5b, or 5h? Who could tell---with these octagonal pencils, one little flick and it’s completely out of sight! Fourteen different pencils and each one looks exactly the same. Oh, fooey!
But it’s time to step out of the dark---and into the light---and then back again, and you can because, the Sketcher’s Time Saver. The Sketcher’s Time Saver is the only way to feed those scrawny hands of yours with nutritious time. With the Sketcher’s Time Saver I went from little-boy-with-scoliosis hands, to man-size-hairy hands, in only three drawings. So much time on these giant, furry hands of mine and now, I want you to have the same!
Step 1: Step One: Read the Time Saver’s Poem
Look at how meaty this man’s hand is!
He’s literally guzzling clock ticks,
with mamba jambas like these
So much time on this man’s drawing hand!
Do you not wish the same for yourself
Eh, Skeletor, do you not wish
for meatier hands?
Time will tell, so time you must save
Start building your Time Saver
Step 2: Gather Materials
1.) lawn sign stake
5.) round file
6.) sand paper
Step 3: Step Three: Cut the Stake to Size
Cut that mamba jamba down to size. I cut mine to about, eh, eight inches. The longer your steak, the more pencils you’ll fit. Pretty straightforward how that works.
Step 4: Put That Ruler and Pencil to Use
You gotta set that bad boy up for spots to drill, now that it’s cut to size. You don’t want to start drilling wood all nilly willy without guidances. No. You gotta look at this picture below and emulate my masterpiece. I’m all about preciseness and so that’s why did this but if you’re some slob, (one with scrawny hands I might add,) why bother, let hell to the wind.
Step 5: Drill, Baby Hands, Drill
Your hands can’t wait. Your hands have no time and bring tears my eyes just thinking about them. But before you drill in, full rpms a’blazin, sink some pilot holes in with an awl. Lawn sign stakes are not made of best quality wood. It is in fact why they cost a dollar. I learned this the hard way--back when my hands were brittle, like yours--I was so excited to beef them up that I couldn’t contain myself, so do trust when I say use an Awl.
Once you’ve dotted in the pilot holes, begin drilling at a modest rpm and work your way up as you sink through the wood. If you’re left with chipping or splintering around the inners, and you probably will, smooth those Bad Johnnies away with a rounded file.
Step 6: Sand and Paint
Self explanatory. I used a paint sharpie because I like those things. Also I glued popsicle sticks on the bottom of mine, for balance, but it’s proved unnecessary.
Step 7: Read the Time Saver’s Final Poem
Here you are ~
A sight you are indeed!
Your follicles are dancing,
sketches draw far faster ~
Oh, such time you’re saving!
You, the tycoon of time
your hands in training
like baby wolverines
dreaming of their fate
furrier, and meatier ~